MONDAY, July 2, 2012

CAST OFF! -- Twelve hundred new middies have begun training at the U.S. Naval Academy at Annapolis with a record-breaking 24% females in their ranks. Anticipating the influx of female officers four years from now, the Navy is equipping all new warships with chintz porthole curtains, malls, and advanced radar that's not too proud to ask another ship for directions.

NEXT BEST THING -- Some U.S. cities are being forced to close beaches and community swimming pools due to a nationwide shortage of trained lifeguards. Budget cuts are being blamed since qualified applicants make above minimum wage.  In what's proving to be a brilliant marketing move, Leslie Pool Supplies is offering cities that can't afford lifeguards a life-size inflatable David Hasselhoff for $49.95.
RUBBER GLOVE BRIGADE -- The National Museum of Crime and Punishment in Washington, DC is offering CSI summer workshops in Arson Investigation, Evidence Collection, Forensic Pathology, Forensic Anthropology, Blood and DNA, and Body Decomposition.  The "hands on" classes are as realistic as the instructors can make them. For instance, the make-believe cadavers look exactly like Keith Richards.   

IN THE NAVY -- The U.S. Supreme Court has ruled that the Stolen Valor Act which called for harsh penalties for those who wear military medals that they didn't earn is unconstitutional as an infringement of free speech. The case concerned a California politician who claimed he was a Medal of Honor winner.  The court held that he has as much right to wear medals as that sailor in The Village People. 

TODAY TOMORROW -- NBC legal reporter Savannah Gutherie has been chosen to replace Ann Curry as Matt Lauer's partner on the "Today Show."  Savannah, who is a trained lawyer and a member of the Arizona and New York bar, will report for duty starting next week.  A lawyer?  If Matt  thought he had trouble convincing Ann that he had a legal right to the better parking space, forget it.

ONE SMALL STROKE FOR MANKIND -- In May 1980, we packed up our survival gear and trekked to the rarefied air of Colorado Springs, Colorado for our first Hope birthday special at the United States Air Force Academy, for the first of a trilogy of academy specials.  The following year, we were off to West Point and in 1983, Annapolis.  Here I am beside a man who hit a golf ball on the moon. I’ve been in a few roughs myself, but that’s ridiculous. Alan Shepard had just delivered a tribute to Hope that would become a tradition on future birthday specials that would feature Bush 41 and Al Haig delivering the kudos.  


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Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved 

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DOLORES HOPE "Silver Bells" (with Bob)

BOB HOPE'S 1983 U.S. COLLEGE CAMPUS TOUR: Your Alma Mater Here?

"Having spent twenty years writing for the indefatigable Bob Hope, and traveling all over the world, Bob Mills is well qualified to salute the famous corps of gag men who kept the comedian knee-deep in jokes. These first-hand recollections summon up the final phase of Hope’s career—and the end of the trail for an entire brand of show business."


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Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.