WEDNESDAY, June 27, 2012

PEAK HOURS -- Dubbed “breastaurants” in the knife and fork trade, “Hooters” like restaurants are booming as never before.  With names like “The Tilted Kilt,” “Twin Peaks,” and “Mugs and Jugs,” the eateries offer varied menus like Shepard’s Pie and “Irish Nachos.”  Receipts from the mostly male clientele are up a whopping 33% over last year.  Thirty-three percent – let’s see – that works out to about three guys per… well, you do the math.

Left to right: Melanie Brown, Melanie Chisholm, writer Jennifer Saunders, Geri Halliwell, producer Judy Craymer, Emma Bunton and Victoria Beckham
RE-RACKED -- Once the toast of 1990’s pop, The Spice Girls reunited briefly this week to help promote a new West End show scheduled to open at London’s Picadilly Theater in December called “Viva Forever!”  The musical is the idea of “Mamma Mia” producer Judy Craymer and features the group’s hit songs.  The title is actually new.  Originally, the show was to be called “Babies, Stretch Marks and Soccer Players,” but David Beckham threatened to sue.  

CATCHING THE GOLD RING -- A woman in Coon Rapids, Minnesota bought a pair of second-hand slacks for $3 at a Goodwill recycling center and when she arrived home found a $5,000 diamond ring in one of the pockets.  A true Good Samaritan, fifty-three year old Deb Thompson is doing everything she can to locate the rightful owner of the valuable ring – or, as Mrs. Kobe Bryant would call it, “costume jewelry.”

SHELL GAME -- A Pinta Island tortoise nicknamed “Lonesome George,” believed to be the last surviving member of his subspecies, has died in the Galapagos Islands at age 100.  For decades, environmentalists tried to get him to reproduce with females from a similar subspecies but failed making George the most endangered animal in the world.  Actually, there may be another one who survives, but so far Larry King has refused to provide a DNA sample.

BEACH COMBERS -- Fellow writer Gene Perret and I struggle to come up with a line for a song being shot on the beach for a Hope special taped in Waikiki.   We weren’t used to working in front of an audience and it shows; we look like we’re trying to translate the Dead Sea Scrolls. Despite my Hawaii Five-0 ball cap, I don’t seem to have the cool confidence that was Steve McGarret’s trademark. The line we came up with resulted in a rare instance of gag writers getting applause.  

Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved

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