FRI, SAT, SUN, May 6, 7, 8, 2011

Ronald McDonald is no longer McDonald’s official clown but executives insist that he’s been reassigned to their new Gourmet Coffee Division where as “McJuan Valdez,” he’ll appear with his mule at selected franchises touting their new “McFrappachino Latte.”    

In a brilliant display of cross-promotion, McDonald’s has replaced the small toys in Happy Meals due to a swallowing hazard to small children.  From now on, kids will receive a coupon for a free Margarita at Applebees.

The new Rand McNally world map includes over 700 islands discovered since their last map was published.  On one of them, cartographers noticed a tattered, faded sign that read “Fantasy” while human fossils discovered nearby appeared to be those of Ricardo Montalban.  

China, saddled with the highest rate of tobacco-related deaths in the world, has banned smoking at most indoor venues.  They realized the enormity of the problem when Vera Wang designed a kimono with a reinforced oxygen tank pocket.

The 42km Gaza Strip Marathon, the first ever, was won by Olympic hopeful Nader el Masri in two hours, 42 minutes, 47 seconds -- which Guinness has recognized as the longest distance ever run by a Palestinian who wasn’t being chased. 
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"Having spent twenty years writing for the indefatigable Bob Hope, and traveling all over the world, Bob Mills is well qualified to salute the famous corps of gag men who kept the comedian knee-deep in jokes. These first-hand recollections summon up the final phase of Hope’s career—and the end of the trail for an entire brand of show business."


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WakiLeaks: History Declassified 2000 (Vol. One) is now available on Kindle for $2.99

Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.