FRI, SAT, SUN, May 13, 14, 15, 2011

British film actor Hugh Grant is negotiating with Warner Bros. to replace Charlie Sheen on “Two and a Half Men.”  Not at Sheen’s salary, of course, since Hugh has fewer expenses --  street hookers being considerably cheaper than “goddesses.”      

Despite the recent STD outbreak among porn actors, the City of Los Angeles has announced that it will shutter the Health Department’s Communicable Disease Clinic.  Or, as the Kardashians refer to it, “Medicare.”

According to world census figures maintained by the UN, by the end of this year there will be seven billion people populating the earth -- 68% of whom will have appeared as contestants on “American Idol.”

Canadian health officials have detected bedbugs in a rundown Vancouver hospital carrying a drug-resistant staphylococcus.  There is one slim ray of hope, though.  So  far, the only thing that has completely eradicated the bug is hospital food.   

Amid the cheers of thousands of pilgrims in Vatican Square, Pope John Paul II was beatified.  Now all he needs for full sainthood is one more miracle.  Apparently, the present pope’s belated apology for the priest-pedophile scandal isn’t enough.
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Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.