FRI, SAT, SUN, April 22, 23, 24, 2011

Shirley MacClaine is on a multi-city tour to promote her new book “I’m Over All That & Other Confessions,” one of which is that she once slept with three politicians in a single  day.  Impressive from a Wilt Chamberlain perspective, but nothing compared to her claim that she once slept with politicians from three separate centuries. 

The Robert Redford-directed “The Conspirators,” now in theaters nationwide, is all about the assassination of Abraham Lincoln and Mr. Redford’s fingerprints are all over it.  Just one example -- two of Mr. Lincoln’s Secret Service agents are code-named “Butch” and “Sundance.”

The U.S. Department of Homeland Security has scrapped the oft-ridiculed color-coded terrorist threat levels in favor of a two-warning system that will declare threats “Elevated” or “Imminent.”  The threats themselves will be limited to suicide bombings, poison gas attacks, assassinations and any multi-city tours hosted by Charlie Sheen.

Amid the hustle and bustle of royal wedding preparations, Queen Elizabeth II celebrated her 85th birthday at a Buckingham Palace party where guests enjoyed several rounds of “Pin-the-tail-on-Moammar-Kadafi” before launching into a rousing chorus of “For She’s a Jolly Good Monarch” led by Queen Latifa and Elton John.

In Houston, a six-year-old shot himself in the foot and injured several day-care center classmates.  Police discovered he had purchased the 9mm Glock automatic during an Easter Break Sale at “Gats-R-Us, “ without the usual background check which was waived due to the purchaser’s inability to write.
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Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.