WEDNESDAY, April 20, 2011

Kate Middleton, a possible future Queen of England, has had her own coat of arms designed by Thomas Woodcock, London’s Grater Principal King of arms.  It features a giant oak signifying her birthplace in Berkshire, three acorns representing her siblings and a giant “O,“ certifying that her marriage has been blessed by Oprah.

Sixty-six Muslim schoolboys from Kuala Lumpur identified as “effeminate” have been sent to a special “boot camp” for training in masculine behavior.  The demanding regimen, designed after the U.S. Marine Corps’, includes calisthenics, 3-mile hikes at midnight, close order drill and harassing waitresses in a mock-up of “Hooters.”  

University of Toronto archeologists have discovered the earliest-known fossil evidence of an abscessed tooth in the jaw of a 275-million-year-old vertebrate.  The evidence includes x-ray data, computer-generated tomography and a crudely-lettered sign found nearby that says “Painless Ogg.  Mild sedation.  Reasonable terms.”  

A week after turning 85, Playboy founder Hugh Hefner will marry 24-year old Krystal Harris.  Krystal isn’t taking any chances.  She registered the couple at Bed, Bath & Defibrillators.

After rejecting pleas that speed increases traffic fatalities, the Texas legislature increased the speed to 85 mph.  But the speed limit is strictly enforced.  Cops in helicopters calculate speed by how long it takes a car to get from one oil well to the next.

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Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.