TUESDAY, March 12, 2013

BURNING QUESTION -- Cardinals from around the world are in seclusion at the Vatican's Sistine Chapel to elect a new pope.  According to ancient tradition, before the first vote is tallied, they will pray for guidance from Saint Floridia, the patron saint of the hanging chad.


LOST WEEKEND -- With the cruise industry booming, some upscale lines are offering "All You Can Drink" packages as an extra option like an upgraded stateroom.  One line even has a "DeLux" package that includes a limo waiting at disembarkation to whisk you in luxury to the Betty Ford. 


DOODLE DO TELL -- Sheriff's deputies in San Louis Osbisbo seized 233 roosters suspected of being raised for cock fighting.   The owner insisted  that he was innocent -- that the birds were in training to work at his soon-to-open Chippendale's club for hens called "Doodledale's."


PERFECTLY CLEAR -- Anti-gun advocates are quoting  Richard Nixon who favored banning Saturday night specials to "keep them out of the wrong hands."  He became anti-gun the day he appointed Elvis as a civilian Drug Enforcement agent and Elvis immediately shot out the presidential seal.


COP WAITING  --Due to budget cuts, Chicago cops will no longer respond to misdemeanors or lesser felonies.  And there are numerous restrictions.  For instance, home invasion robberies don't qualify if the home's value is less than $1 million, isn't in a gated community, and isn't owned by a relative of Mayor Rahm Emanuel.  

(Contents Copyright (c) 2013 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved)

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Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.