WEDNESDAY, March 13, 2013

MEA MAXIMA CULPA -- The super secretive meeting in the Sistine Chapel where the cardinals have sequestered themselves to choose a pope is officially called, a "conclave."  If you've ever read the pedophile priest transcripts -- what they really need is  an "autoclave."

LA's beleaguered Cardinal Roger Mahoney took an oath of absolute secrecy before entering the Sistine Chapel.  Wow -- talk about overkill.


DOG DAZE -- Eagles quarterback Michael Vick's scheduled signing of his new book "Finally Free" at an Exton, PA Barnes & Nobel bookstore was cancelled due to mailed threats against store personnel.    DNA samples taken from the note indicate it was signed by either a poodle or a mixed-breed Malti-poo.


TUXEDO JUNCTION -- The population of antarctic penguins has declined 90% due to the melting ice that harbors krill, their major food source.  Penguin colonies are called "delis" and their decline is also due, say scientists, to too many dill pickles, matzo balls, and hot pastramis on rye.    


BROOM HILDA -- With NBC's prime time lineup losing to Telemundo in the Nielsen Ratings, a new super tough lady producer will try to save the third-place Today Show by reshuffling the staff.    Matt Lauer is so nervous his hair is falling out -- what little he has around the sides, anyway.  


DECKING THE HALLS -- Sarah Palin has signed a deal with Harper Collins for a religious-themed book to be called "A Happy Holiday IS a Merry Christmas."  Among her revelations, she claims that as a child she could see Santa's North Pole workshop from her Wasilla front porch. 


(Contents Copyright (c) 2013 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved)

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