RE-MAXED OUT -- While home prices nationwide are starting to creep back up, a recent survey shows that Washington, DC remains the most expensive city in which to find affordable housing. Tell Mitt Romney about it. Spent millions and millions trying to score a house there and is still living in Massachusetts.
JUDD MUD -- GOP Minority Leader Mitch McConnell called in the FBI to investigate how his campaign team was illegally taped plotting to dig up mud on potential opponent Ashley Judd. Serious stuff -- like using the diamond lane with fewer than two occupants and tearing the label off her mattress.
COIN TOSS -- For years, NFL coaches have denied the probability that some of their best players are gay, but it may soon be confirmed according to a New York Post article. Not that some preparations haven't been made. For instance, several teams now enforce locker room bans on Lisa Minnelli and Bette Midler pinups.
GEEZER.COM -- Surveys show that more than half of seniors over 55 are now online and fully one-third of them regularly use social media sites like Facebook. There are numerous senior apps including Google's "Guide to Handicapped Parking Spaces" and Windows "Help getting Out of the Car."
NO COMPRENDE -- Writers at the Associated Press will no longer be allowed to refer to undocumented aliens as "illegal immigrants." According to leaked internal memos, "undocumented alien" will be the next to go because it sounds too much like "space alien." Why not just call them what they are? "The majority."
PARTY BOAT -- The 265 foot mega-yacht "Air" owned by vodka tycoon Yuri Shefler is docked at Marina del Rey. With seven suites, a 26-foot pool, steam rooms and a helipad, she's available for charter at $1 million per week. Not during Spring Break, though. Several USC fraternities got there first.
OZZED -- In London, protesters chanting "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead!" celebrated the death at age 87 of former PM Margaret Thatcher. The protesters continue to decry her hawk-like stance during the Falklands War, her friendship with Ronald Reagan, and her proposals to make annual dental visits mandatory.
NOT MASTERED -- Fans are still debating whether Tiger should have disqualified himself for signing his scorecard without deducting two penalty shots. Hey, the guy never learned how to press the "delete" button on his Blackberry -- so all of a sudden he's an accountant?
LIGHT SHOW -- Two customers at a Raleigh, NC gun show were struck by bird shot when a newly purchased shotgun discharged. The blast caused the lights to go out, but luckily, there was enough illumination for medical personnel to ID the victims from the reflected rednecks.
EARS 'N' TAILS -- The mansion used by Hugh Hefner to warehouse his B and C Team Bunnies across the street from the familiar Playboy Mansion is being offered for sale at $11 million -- or, as the figure was explained to the home's current occupants "both hands and one toe."
THANKS FOR THE MEMORY -- Film star VIRGINIA MAYO appeared on "Bob Hope's The Women I Love" special. View over 550 classic vintage video clips of Bob Hope Specials available nowhere else! Each are dated the year they originally aired on NBC from the 1977-78 season to 1991-92. Included are segments from 1978's "Bob Hope Down Under" from Perth, Australia and 1979's "Bob Hope in China" taped in Peking and Shanghai (with Mikhail Baryshnikov). Take a trip down Memory Lane that you won't soon forget!
OVER I,OOO,OOO VIEWS!