TIGER CUB -- Never has someone so young ever made the cut at the
Masters much less survived through the second round, but China's 16 year
old eighth-grader Tianlang Guan did just that. Just a typical teen otherwise, though. While he chips and putts like an adult, he still had to
be cautioned several times by officials not to text while driving.
RE-MAXED OUT -- While home prices nationwide are starting to creep back
up, a recent survey shows that Washington, DC remains the most expensive
city in which to find affordable housing. Tell Mitt Romney about it. Spent
millions and millions trying to score a house there and is still living
in Massachusetts.
JUDD MUD -- GOP Minority Leader Mitch McConnell called in the FBI to
investigate how his campaign team was illegally taped plotting to dig up mud on potential opponent Ashley Judd. Serious stuff -- like
using the diamond lane with fewer than two occupants and tearing the
label off her mattress.
COIN TOSS -- For years, NFL coaches have denied the probability
that some of their best players are gay, but it may soon be confirmed
according to a New York Post article. Not that some preparations
haven't been made. For instance, several teams now enforce
locker room bans on Lisa Minnelli and Bette Midler pinups.
GEEZER.COM -- Surveys
show that more than half of seniors over 55 are now online and fully
one-third of them regularly use social media sites like Facebook. There
are numerous senior apps including Google's "Guide to Handicapped
Parking Spaces" and Windows "Help getting Out of the Car."
NO COMPRENDE -- Writers at the Associated Press will no longer be
allowed to refer to undocumented aliens as "illegal immigrants."
According to leaked internal memos, "undocumented alien" will be the
next to go because it sounds too much like "space alien." Why not just
call them what they are? "The majority."
PARTY BOAT -- The 265 foot mega-yacht "Air" owned by vodka tycoon Yuri
Shefler is docked at Marina del Rey. With seven suites, a 26-foot pool,
steam rooms and a helipad, she's available for charter at $1 million per
week. Not during Spring Break, though. Several USC fraternities got
there first.
OZZED -- In London, protesters chanting "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead!"
celebrated the death at age 87 of former PM Margaret Thatcher. The
protesters continue to decry her hawk-like stance during the Falklands
War, her friendship with Ronald Reagan, and her proposals to make annual
dental visits mandatory.
NOT MASTERED -- Fans are still debating whether Tiger should have disqualified himself for signing his scorecard without deducting two penalty shots.
Hey, the guy never learned how to press the "delete" button on his
Blackberry -- so all of a sudden he's an accountant?
LIGHT SHOW -- Two customers at a Raleigh, NC gun show were struck by
bird shot when a newly purchased shotgun discharged. The blast caused
the lights to go out, but luckily, there was enough illumination for
medical personnel to ID the victims from the reflected rednecks.
EARS
'N' TAILS -- The mansion used by Hugh Hefner to warehouse his B and C
Team Bunnies across the street from the familiar Playboy Mansion is
being offered for sale at $11 million -- or, as the figure was explained
to the home's current occupants "both hands and one toe."
SERIOUS OFFERS ONLY -- While the usual weekend lookiloos aren't allowed
to tour the pricey Bunny Hutch, the property is available for viewing by
appointment only through a licenced realtor. The listing agent is a
spin-off of "Re-Max" called "Bo-Tox-Max."
PRESS RELEASED -- The winery owned by Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie has
introduced its first cases of premium Cabernet Sauvignon and Merlo
reds. While pretty much out of reach of the average wage-earner, a more
affordable Chardonnay will soon be available at Trader Joe's under the
label "Two Buck Brad."
WATER TORTURE -- A recent study on nutrition and health released in
Great Britain concluded that a diet rich in processed meat can be a
precursor to illness and premature death. Most of the world's leading
nutritionists were shocked. They had no idea the Brits used a process
other than boiling it in hot water.
(Contents Copyright (c) 2013 by Robert L. Mills All Rights Reserved)
THANKS
FOR THE MEMORY -- Film star VIRGINIA MAYO appeared on "Bob Hope's The Women I Love" special. View over 550 classic vintage video clips of Bob Hope
Specials available nowhere else! Each are dated the year they
originally aired on NBC from the 1977-78 season to 1991-92. Included
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Baryshnikov). Take a trip down Memory Lane that you won't soon forget!
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