SUN, MON, April 7, 8, 2013

COLONEL KLINK -- KFC has announced their biggest menu change in decades -- they will soon begin offering their finger lickin' fried chicken boneless.  They would have announced it sooner, but they thought waiting for the 15th anniversary of Viagra would give it more impact.

WOOLLY WONDERS -- Bowing to demands from environmentalists, the Paris Public Parks Department will employ herds of sheep to replace pollution-causing gasoline mowers.  The French have always had unique solutions to gardening challenges, haven't they?   Snails? No problem. We'll eat 'em!

YOU'RE GETTING SLEEPY -- ATR Computational Neuroscience Laboratories in Kyoto has designed a program that can interpret dreams with 80% accuracy.  Beyond its Freudian applications as a psychiatric aid, the company hopes to partner with ChristianMingle.com to help people find the love of their dreams.  

WILD MUSHROOMS -- The Pentagon has reacted to the most serious threat to world peace since the Cuban missile crisis by moving our anti-ballistic missile defenses closer to Guam.  If this doesn't scare Kim Jong Un, they may consider the unthinkable -- sending in Rutger's former Athletic Department.

WATCH THE BIRDIE -- Victims of inexpensive digital cameras and phones, all 800 Sears baby photo studios will close.  Don't feel bad for the suddenly jobless photographers, though -- they've all been transferred to Sears's Allstate Insurance department to take pictures of customers bowling after filing a whiplash claim.  

(Contents Copyright (c) 2013 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved) 

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Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.