TUESDAY, November 20, 2012

SPILT MILK -- Ever careful to profit by their mistakes, the U.S. Army is investigating ways to prevent another David Petraeus from infiltrating their ranks.  Examining film of David as a cadet, they noticed that when chanting the West Point motto "Duty, Honor, Country," he had a bad habit of pronouncing "Duty" with a "B."

TIT FOR TAT -- Marking the 50th anniversary of the closest the U.S. ever came to nuclear war, the National Archives are currently hosting an exhibit recalling the 1962 Cuban Missile Crisis.  It took some hard bargaining when JFK faced down Nikita Khruschev, but luckily Khruschev had always wanted to meet Marilyn Monroe.

CLOSE ENOUGH -- The California DMV in Los Angeles recently issued a license to a driver who had been diagnosed as legally blind.  How, you might ask, could something so potentially dangerous to the public be condoned?  Well, according to a department spokesman, Lindsay Lohan has set the bar so low, that...

SWIMMING LESSONS -- Once considered largely incurable, male infertility is now being treated with injections of stem cells.  It's an ingenious medical breakthrough, though extremely labor-intensive and time-consuming.  See, each oyster has only one stem that he isn't about to give up without a fight. 
HOCKEY PUCK -- According to a  world hunger study ordered by the UN, climate change has so effected potato crops, the familiar spud may soon be replaced by the banana which grows in warmer climates.  Times have sure changed.  Ten years ago, who would have dreamed that Chiquita Banana would replace Don Rickles?

Contents Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved
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Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.