The Associated Press has sued several retailers including Urban Outfitters for using an image of Barack Obama on a t-shirt in violation of their copyright. In defense of the retailers, they did get permission to use the image of Michelle pointing and saying “I’m with stupid.”
Much of Scotland is covered in snow as Arctic conditions have all but brought highway travel in the Highlands to a standstill. Major electrical circuits were overloaded in sections of Glasgow and Edinburgh by men stuffing their kilts into microwave ovens.
Coincidence… or? Evidence has emerged that at the exact instant Kirstie Alley, in Burbank, CA rehearsing for her upcoming appearance on “Dancing With the Stars,” falls while attempting a difficult “piroette with dip,” Japan suffered its worst earthquake in 100 years. Coincidence… or?
Ten years in the translation, biblical scholars worldwide have released the New International Version of the Holy Bible, modernizing English usage in an attempt to appeal to today’s more tech-savvy, younger readers. Some changes to look for:
* In a blatant nod to fans of NASCAR, instead of “Let there be light,” God now says, “Gentlemen, start your engines!”
* An Organic Midnight Buffet is introduced on Noah’s Ark as well as a completely re-staged and recast musical “Guys and Dolls in the Garden of Eden“
* Sodom and Gomorrah are now called a more inviting “Syracuse and Glendora.”
* In keeping with today’s more health-conscious Christianity, Lot’s wife is turned into “a pillar of salt-substitute.”
* A new Commandment appears between numbers five and six, “Thou Shalt Not Text Message While Driving”
* Loaves and Fishes are now “cheese, assorted crackers and a rather impertinent Grey Riesling”
* Instead of money-changers, Jesus now drives “sub-prime mortgage brokers” out of the temple.
* An additional apostle attends the Last Supper -- “St. Saul Berkovitz, Jesus’ tax accountant, who sits at his right discussing possible deductions.”
* On Palm Sunday, Jesus “enters the city riding upon an Aston-Martin.”
* Easter now falls on a Thursday so as not to conflict with the PGA golf Tour on TV.
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