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TUESDAY, February 12, 2012

                                                    POPE QUITS!


PAPAL SHUFFLE -- In a move that shocked his followers worldwide, Pope Benedict XVI announced that he'll become the first pontiff in six centuries to resign, promising to step down by month's end, citing ill health.  He denied any connection to the hundreds of documents released last month linking L.A.'s Cardinal Roger Mahoney to the decades-long pedophile priest scandal that reaches all the way to the Vatican.  

[]  Before stepping aside, the Pontiff plans to clear up some unfinished business like canonizing Joe Paterno and Jerry Sandusky as saints and rewriting the Lord's Prayer which will now read "Our father who art in prison, pedophile is thy name... "


[]   Shocked worshipers in Vatican Square thought his successor had already been chosen when they noticed white smoke rising over the Vatican -- but it just turned out to be Benedict burning a pile of unanswered subpoenas.


[]  He'll reportedly retire to an undisclosed location to enter a monastery run by monks of the order known as "Vaticano
Protectiones Testimonia" -- Latin for "The Vatican Witness Protection Program."   

 


P.E.T.A. BRED -- The long-awaited annual Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show has opened in New York City with scores of purebred sires and bitches being examined head-to-toe by keen-eyed judges checking bloodlines... bodily configuration... friendliness... -- uh, sorry -- that's the arrival of this season's new batch of Hollywood bimbos at the Yankees' training camp.




DRONE DRAIN -- Congress members from both sides of the aisle are calling for stricter guidelines on President Obama's use of U.S. drones from an increasing number of bases in the U.S. and around the world.  They would like more defined standards for using the remote-controlled weapons to assassinate known al Quaida leaders... to photograph suspected weapon storage sites... to track Lindsay Lohan's  bar-hopping...     

 

(Contents Copyright (c) 2013 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved)


 
UNCLE SAM WANTED BOB HOPE!
THANKS FOR THE MEMORY --  View over 575 classic vintage video clips of Bob Hope Specials, including his tours on the front lines during WWII, Korea, Vietnam and the Middle East.  Most clips are available nowhere else!  Each are dated the year they originally aired on NBC from the 1977-78 season to 1991-92.  Included are segments from 1978's "Bob Hope Down Under" from Perth, Australia and 1979's "Bob Hope in China" taped in Peking and Shanghai (with Mikhail Baryshnikov).  Take a trip down Memory Lane that you won't soon forget!
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THE LAUGH MAKERS: A Leonard Maltin "Top 20" Year End Pick!

DOLORES HOPE MEDLEY

DOLORES HOPE "Silver Bells" (with Bob)

BOB HOPE'S 1983 U.S. COLLEGE CAMPUS TOUR: Your Alma Mater Here?

"Having spent twenty years writing for the indefatigable Bob Hope, and traveling all over the world, Bob Mills is well qualified to salute the famous corps of gag men who kept the comedian knee-deep in jokes. These first-hand recollections summon up the final phase of Hope’s career—and the end of the trail for an entire brand of show business."

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Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.

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