THURSDAY, February 9, 2012

Recently, when Facebook staged an IPO, founder Mark Zuckerberg's stock soared into the hemisphere and he's now one of the richest humans on earth.  He can afford anything he wants -- anything.  When he felt the urge to send God a shout out for his good fortune, he hired Tim Tebow to kneel for him.

Apple has dethroned Exxon as the most valuable U.S. company. unfortunately, Apple is heading down the same environmentally unfriendly path as Exxon did thirty years ago.  One of their tanker captains recently ran the I-Pad Valdez aground and it's now polluting Alaskan waters with millions of lead-based memory chips.

In a northern province of China, palm readers were predicting which kindergarten children were destined for greatness.  But Communist Party authorities quickly shut down the crystal ballers after one of them identified a future accountant who would advocate the return of all U.S. dollars as ill-gotten gains "forbidden by Confucius."

A Chinese gamer died at his console in a Taiwan game cabaret before being discovered nine hours later.  Police quickly determined that the death was explainable.  Bystanders reasonably believed that he was channeling the "corpse-in-the trunk" that's an integral element of "Grand Theft Auto: Confronting the Mob."

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DOLORES HOPE "Silver Bells" (with Bob)

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Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.