TUESDAY, September 13, 2011

"CONTAGION," starring Matt Damon, Gweneth Paltrow and Kate Winslet absolutely clobbered its opening weekend competition at the box office.  But the dramatic tension isn't the search for a cure -- CDC entomologists find that right away.  The suspense comes from watching the Food and Drug Administration put the vaccine through five years of needless testing.

The University of Massachusetts set a Guinness record by assembling and cooking a 4,000-pound stir-fry using 4,000 onions,  30,000 carrots, and 16,000 heads of lettuce.  The chopsticks were donated by AT&T -- telephone poles.
Lifeguards closed Mission Beach after they thought they saw a Great White circling.  There's a rational explanation for that.  See, Kirstie Alley just bought a $10 million condo in a Malibu gated community and the Homeowners Association made her promise not to swim within sight of their beach.

Fourteen Muslim women wearing burkas were refused admittance to the roller coaster at New York's Play Land because their scarves could become tangled in the wheels.  But they were placated when the park manager gave them fifteen free passes to the latest attraction "So You Wanna Be a Beekeeper?"

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THE LAUGH MAKERS: A Leonard Maltin "Top 20" Year End Pick!


DOLORES HOPE "Silver Bells" (with Bob)

BOB HOPE'S 1983 U.S. COLLEGE CAMPUS TOUR: Your Alma Mater Here?

"Having spent twenty years writing for the indefatigable Bob Hope, and traveling all over the world, Bob Mills is well qualified to salute the famous corps of gag men who kept the comedian knee-deep in jokes. These first-hand recollections summon up the final phase of Hope’s career—and the end of the trail for an entire brand of show business."


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WakiLeaks: History Declassified 2000 (Vol. One) is now available on Kindle for $2.99

Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.