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THURSDAY, September 22, 2011

So far has Tiger Woods' star plummeted -- so low has he descended in the PGA rankings -- he may not qualify to play in his own tournament next month at the Sherwood Country Club.  That's almost as professionally unthinkable as -- let's see -- it would be like "The View" having to go to a commercial because nobody could think of anything to say.

According to the latest batch of WikiLeaks disclosures, Saudi King Abdullah, who claims to be 82, is actually 92.  Kings just seem to have difficulty keeping track of numbers.  Larry keeps insisting  he's had only four wives.

Former IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn told French TV that he suffered from a "moral failing" when he assaulted a New York chambermaid.  But you have to remember the French term for "moral failing" is "le comprimision ala moral" which, roughly translated means, "Undress. I'm on a coffee break."

Microsoft has released its long-anticipated Windows 8 operating system.  According to a press release sent out to distributors by Bill Gates, the system's tech support has been completely upgraded and now includes complementary curry recipes.
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THE LAUGH MAKERS: A Leonard Maltin "Top 20" Year End Pick!

DOLORES HOPE MEDLEY

DOLORES HOPE "Silver Bells" (with Bob)

BOB HOPE'S 1983 U.S. COLLEGE CAMPUS TOUR: Your Alma Mater Here?

"Having spent twenty years writing for the indefatigable Bob Hope, and traveling all over the world, Bob Mills is well qualified to salute the famous corps of gag men who kept the comedian knee-deep in jokes. These first-hand recollections summon up the final phase of Hope’s career—and the end of the trail for an entire brand of show business."

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WakiLeaks: History Declassified 2000 (Vol. One) is now available on Kindle for $2.99

Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.

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