To honor Ringo Starr’s 70th birthday, Arista Records will soon release a new album of lesser-known Beatles songs including “Lucy in the Sky With Diverticulitis,” “All You Need is Levitra,” “Here Comes the Sun City Tour Bus,” “Prune Fields Forever,” “Eleanor Roosevelt” and “Hello, Goodbye, Rest in Peace.”
Attempting to repair their tattered safety record, Toyota has launched a new campaign promising that all new models will offer features that “reflect a greater emphasis on internal design engineering” as well as a parachute folded under the trunk that will deploy when the brakes fail.
Lindsay Lohan hasn’t even reported to the L.A. County Jail to serve her 90-day sentence and already, detractors are claiming she’s being given special treatment -- just because word leaked out that she’ll be assigned to the Charlie Sheen Cell Block in the Robert Downey, Jr. Wing.
Right-to-Life organizations worldwide were shocked by a recent study showing the majority of euthanasia cases in Belgium last year were carried out by nurses -- and that in several instances, patients checking in wrote “drip” just to indicate how they preferred their coffee brewed.
For the third consecutive year, the Vatican’s books show $5.2 million in financial losses. On the plus side, the pope was able to avoid paying income taxes thanks to a bible inspired accounting system papal accountants refer to as “double-entry Good Book keeping.”
Excerpted from THE LAUGH MAKERS
PARTY FAVOR
Hope would meet us at Pope after flying in from a personal-appearance tour on the eastern-seaboard. Our guest stars, Glen Campbell, Barbara Mandrell, Don Johnson, Emanuel Lewis, Brooke Shields and Phylicia Rashad, were waiting to go to work. Over the next several days, we rehearsed the show that would be taped before a crowd of four thousand servicemen and their families — as well as soldiers from nearby Ft. Bragg.
The monologue would be taped with the latest military hardware in the background to remind the viewers at home just how the Defense Department was spending their taxes — payback for their picking-up a good portion of the production costs. The logistics of staging a show like this one were complicated, but things had progressed smoothly and tape was ready to roll. Hope had read in the local paper that morning that Reagan was flying back to Washington after delivering the commencement address at the University of Georgia.
He said to producer Jim Lipton, “Call the White House. Maybe we can get Ronnie to pop over and appear on our show.” Jim gulped hard. “Nice idea, but, gee, Bob, every segment is locked in and we start seating the audience in two hours.” Hope was not deterred. “We can always find an extra five minutes somewhere. Call.”
Hope was well aware of the impact a presidential visit would have on Pope and the infantry outfits. Lipton called the personal number that Hope gave him and was soon patched through to Air Force One, already airborne. The call was switched to the Winnebago in the main hanger that had been provided for Hope as a dressing room. As Gene Perret and I sat on the fold-down couch across from him, the following conversation took place:
“Ron? Bob. Hey, we’re doing a little birthday thing here at Pope Air Force Base and — Pope — it’s in North Carolina. We thought you might take a quick left turn and drop in. Be great, you know. I’ll have the boys bang out something we can do together. The whole thing shouldn’t take more than a half hour, tops.” There was a long pause as Hope listened to the most powerful leader in the free-world confer with his aides. Then he covered the receiver with his hand and mouthed the words: “He’ll do it.”
Tomorrow: If We Knew He Was Comin‘…
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A Longtime Bob Hope Joke Writer Presents Daily Insightful Topical Satire Of Current Events (Illustrated) Plus Rare Photos From Hollywood's Bygone Era And Excerpts From THE LAUGH MAKERS By Robert L. Mills -- Color Photos From the Book and Rare Classic Vintage Video Clips! Send Your Show Biz Questions to "ASK BOB" at: TheLaughMakers@GMail.com
THE LAUGH MAKERS: A Leonard Maltin "Top 20" Year End Pick!
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