FRI, SAT, SUN, July 9, 10, 11

LAFFS From The PAST  (From our issue dated July, 10, 2000)

Following a record voter turnout, former Coca-Cola executive Vicente Fox has been elected the new president of Mexico.   When asked for his reaction, George Bush said he wishes him luck and loved him in “Back to the Future."

A thermal invasion from the Sahara Desert is breaking centuries-old heat records in Europe, scorching Turkey, Bulgaria, Greece, Romania and Italy.    Vatican priests are baptizing kids by dipping them in crushed ice.

Michelle Wei, 10, who could drive a golf ball 100 yards at age 5, is the youngest player ever to compete in the USGA's Amateur Public Links Championship.   At that age, the 19th hole is a medium pepperoni and small soda at Chucky Cheese.

Doctors at the Harvard Medical School have successfully regenerated dead or nonexistent brain cells in lab mice and believe they could do the same for humans.    The next step in the research could be touchy -- trying to convince
Dan Quayle to be tested.

Until next time, I leave you with the immortal words of Marie Antoinette who  really said of the peasants threatening to revolt, "Let 'em carbo load."
______________________________

Excerpted From THE LAUGH MAKERS  

We were allowed to shop during our visit but — officially — only at government-sponsored retail outlets for tourists called “Freedom Stores.”  Here the prices were set and clearly marked. No dickering. Even so, they were reasonable, and I brought home three good-quality wool rugs which still serve admirably.  

Longing for a little more adventure, one afternoon Don, Gig and I slipped away from our guide for a couple of hours. In a narrow alley about a mile from the hotel, we discovered a small antique shop, obviously not intended for tourists. The musty interior was piled high with artifacts from estate-sales — rugs, furniture, household utensils, silverware, paintings, photos, lamps, vases, family stamps called chops made of marble or ivory and decorated with dragons, lions, monkeys and other characters from China’s ancient mythology. 

More items made of ivory — chopsticks, statuary, and finely-carved jewelry. Up a narrow flight of stairs was the clothing — kimonos, men’s suits, jackets, caps, sandals, shoes — all in a pile that said it hadn’t been disturbed in years.  Hanging on one wall of the dimly lit mezzanine, almost unnoticed, were old costumes retired from the Peking Opera — multicolored capes, pantaloons, garments weighted down with gold embroidery. Here was a treasure trove that foreigners weren’t supposed to find! We felt like Sydney Greenstreet stumbling upon the Maltese Falcon. We made a few purchases and headed back to the hotel.

That night over dinner, we mentioned our find to Mikhail Baryshnikov — Mischa to his friends, thank you — and he went giddy with excitement. Peking Opera costumes? Authentic ones? Immediately. We had to draw him a detailed map so he could check them out next day.  A few days later, Mischa’s manager asked me if I’d be willing to lend his client some money. He had run out of cash and he had arranged to buy five of the costumes for around $300 apiece. I said, “Like I’m gonna lend money to a Russian defector who’s in show business? This is a joke, right?”  Actually, I had about tapped out too, but suggested he ask our production cashier, Wil Oborn — we were issued a daily per diem in yuan — for an advance.  I’m told the five priceless costumes are now on display in his Manhattan brownstone.

Next week:  Trouble at 30,000 feet?

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