FRI, SAT, SUN, July 23, 24, 25

Lindsay Lohan apparently entered the Los Angeles County Jail totally unprepared for the rudimentary living conditions that are common behind bars.  Yesterday, a corrections officer caught her trying to carve a bar of soap out of a gun.

Attempting to avoid a total recall of its defective i-Phone, Apple has offered users a rubber sheath to prevent interruption of its signal due to a faulty antenna.  The Vatican immediately issued a formal condemnation of the device, claiming that its use violates God’s calling plan.

KFC has become so popular in China, a new franchise opens every day.  Of course it’s a little different over there -- the Colonel is known as “the Chairman” and the hottest-selling menu item is “The Gang of Four” --  wings, thighs, legs and beaks.

Despite his week of dominating the tabloids, Mel Gibson has begun principle photography on his latest film now on location in New York City.  Some doubts have arisen, though, as to whether film goers will accept him as the lead in “The Bobby Kennedy Story.” 

Hoping to repair its tattered image, Toyota has hired over a thousand automotive engineers to improve its manufacturing methods.  Which came as great news to the engineers.  After they were laid off by BP, there weren’t a lot of jobs around.

A school in Massachusetts has begun awarding an “obesity rating” along with student grades.  It’s become so popular, many other schools across the state say they plan to follow the lead of Jenny Craig Elementary.   

Marines assigned to train the Iraqi police have been riding along with LAPD officers to gain experience on the street.  To add a touch of realism, Hells Angels are being paid to exchange their Harleys for a camel.

Northern California’s Pacific Gas & Electric Company now tracks customer use by radio waves.  They were shocked to discover that two hours of Rush Limbaugh can heat a four bedroom, three bath home for a week.