TUESDAY, May 25, 2010

LAS VEGAS (AP) - Brothers Tommy and Dickie Smothers who began performing in college fifty years ago announced their retirement.  The item was broadcast on all the major TV news outlets except CBS which, out of habit, canceled it.

DENVER (AP) - Police arrested 20-year old Anthony Gonsalez after witnesses to a home invasion robbery identified him through the words "East Side" tattooed on his upper lip and "13" on his chin.  The bad news is he faces up to ten years in prison.  The good news is he's dating Sandra Bullock.

KATMANDU, NAPAL (AP) - Thirteen year old Jordan Romero became the youngest climber ever to scale Mt. Everest.  Of course he missed a little school, but now he's the world’s only kid who can tell his teacher, “The Sherpa ate my homework.”

CAIRO (BBC) - The Supreme Council of Antiquities announced the discovery of 45 mummies dating to 2750 BC.  Archeologists were astounded to find that even after 4760 years, some of the specimens are still more human-looking than Cher.  

LOS ANGELES (AP) - An angry judge tightened probation restrictions on actress Lindsay Lohan after she missed a court appearance because she was at Cannes.  Lindsay hasn't faced discipline like that since Meryl Streep played her mother in A Prairie Home Companion.

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Excerpted From THE LAUGH MAKERS  

When asked to guest on our Tahiti special, John Denver was a newlywed, and initially had turned down the offer.  But he reconsidered after Hope assured him that he was welcome to combine his working visit to Tahiti with a honeymoon.  When we arrived in Papeete, John and his new bride were assigned one of the ultra-plush huts perched on stilts over the water. To get to it, you had to traverse a thirty-foot long, narrow wooden walkway extending from the beach.

One day, while at our duty station at the open-air bar, we heard our assistant director knocking on John’s door. “Half hour, John. We’re almost set up.” Mr. Rocky Mountain High was scheduled to tape a song while combing the beach nearby.  The assistant left but soon was back.  Knock, knock, knock. “Fifteen minutes, John.” Still no John.  Ten minutes later, he reappeared, carefully threading the walkway for the third time.  Knock, knock, knock. “Five minutes, John.” He pressed his ear against the bamboo door. Nothing. He shook his head and waved toward an assistant on the beach.  “The hell with it. Set up Morgan Brittany’s number!”

Bali Hai-Jinks

On our final night in Moorea, Howard Keel was scheduled to sing “Some Enchanted Evening” at the same location Rosanno Brazzi had belted out “Bali Hai” in the movie South Pacific. The taping was to begin precisely at sundown so that when Howard hit the final eight bars, the golden orb would be tucking itself behind the famous mountain. Dramatic — beautiful — and technically tricky. Our director, Walter Miller, would have only one shot at it, and, if anything went wrong, he’d get no second chance — we’re out of there the next day.  Just before Howard arrived to go to work, a few clouds formed in the otherwise-pristine sky. Though they blocked our view of the mountain, they looked fluffy and harmless to the crew — a form of wishful thinking common among men who depend on light for their livelihood.  All at once, the sky parted and dumped enough rain on our little party to turn Death Valley into a Raging Waters theme park. The equipment was quickly covered as everyone sprinted for cover and the producers convened an emergency summit meeting to devise Plan B. It’s quickly calculated that, without Howard’s number, we don’t have enough show.  We’ll just have to shoot the scene back in Burbank in front of a convincing photo of the mountain.

But Howard has an idea. Would the audience notice the difference between a sunset and a sunrise if they see only three-minutes of it?  Couldn’t we tape the number, reasons Howard, while the sun comes up?  Howard’s inventive nature earned him a four-thirty wake-up call, but the number went off in the crisp, clear post-monsoon morn without a hitch.  If you ever see a rerun of the show, look carefully — the evening is so enchanted it gets lighter instead of darker.

Tomorrow:  Our "Mutiny on the Bounty" sketch runs aground

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