WEDNESDAY, May 26, 2010

WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA (AP) - The Postal Service has refused to reimburse a man who was given counterfeit bills when he cashed a $1000 postal money order.   Secret Service investigators say the man should have noticed that instead of presidents, the bills had portraits of the Ten Most Wanted. 

LONDON (BBC) -  A tabloid magazine has released a video of the Duchess of York Sarah Ferguson agreeing to provide access to her ex-husband Prince Andrew for $724,000.  The Queen was said to be stunned by the worst scandal to hit Buckinghan Palace since Fergie was caught exchanging Jenny Craig memberships for Winchell's Donut coupons.

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) - A thriving flock of South American parrots which began in 1989 when two birds escaped from a pet store has grown to over 300, some teaching others to talk.   Ornothologists point out that the only parallel in humans to birds who constantly repeat the same things is Fox News.

VIENNA (BBC) - Researchers discovered that the common fresh water musk turtle can survive underwater for months by breathing through its tongue.  The closest humans have come to this ability was Pamela Anderson on “Baywatch” but she wasn’t using her tongue.

LONG ISLAND, N.Y. - A veterinarian treating a pit bull for a heart ailment prescribed Viagra which apparently cured the dog but cost the owner $5000 -- $250 for the vet’s bill and $4750 to replace seventeen dented fire hydrants.  

_______________________________

Excerpted From THE LAUGH MAKERS  

On our final day in Papeete, we headed to the Bounty which was anchored in a lagoon on the opposite side of the island. Our richly costumed period sketch would feature Hope as the cruel, crew-beating Captain Bligh; Howard as the ship’s doctor;  Susan Aiken as his nurse; Morgan Fairchild as the prim, school marm passenger; John Denver as the young, Wahini-smitten Fletcher Christian and Jonathan Winters as his tribal chief, soon-to-be father-in-law. 

Even under ideal studio conditions, accommodating such a large cast on the small screen is a tall order for any director, and Walter, one of the best, had his hands full with this one. While the ship had been ideal for de Laurentis who had the time to set up multiple camera shots, it was soon apparent that it wasn’t big enough to do our sketch on. People were a lot smaller in the eighteenth century, and everything was about three quarter scale.

In many of the scenes, members of the cast were sardined on her decks tighter than Cuban boat people. They looked like they were performing in a telephone booth. So much for exact replicas.  Walter tried setup after setup, attempting to create the illusion of size and depth. As a result, the taping ran longer than scheduled, and the entire company was supposed to depart that evening. A few crew members were sent back to our hotel-on-stilts to pack for those who had to remain to get the sketch, such as it was, in the can. 

Finally, at about four in the afternoon, Walter yelled “Cut! That’s a wrap!” The cameras, lighting and sound paraphernalia were stowed into dockside trucks in record time. Electronic equipment hadn’t disappeared that fast since the L.A. riots. Everyone raced to the waiting busses which would convey us to the harbor where the swiftest picket boat on the island was standing by. 

We arrived at the airport in Papeete with only minutes to spare, but as it turned out, our plane was grounded in New Zealand with mechanical problems and wouldn’t arrive until the next day.  At this point, Howard Keel entered panic mode. He was due on the set of Dallas in less than forty-eight hours to film some key scenes. If he was delayed in Tahiti, it would cost the producers — and him after the lawsuit — hundreds of thousands of dollars.  A smiling Quantas representative assured him that the plane would arrive in the morning as promised.

We were given our hotel assignments — a night’s free lodging for our inconvenience. They also threw in a phone call, so we could notify our next-of-kin of the delay. “Swell,” responded a tired, hungry and Bounty-weary Jonathan. “I’ll call my brother. He’s dead.”  Our patched-up 747 arrived on schedule, and Howard made it to Culver City in a limo he had waiting with only minutes to spare. He told me later he filmed the first scene with sand in his shoes.

A sad note. Nine years later, John Denver would die after plunging his EZ Lite experimental airplane into the ocean while taking off from California’s Monterey Peninsula airport. He was only 54 years old.

Order THE LAUGH MAKERS on line:

http://www.amazon.com/LAUGH-MAKERS-Behind-Scenes-Incredible/product- reviews/1593933231/ref=cm_cr_pr_link_2?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=0&pageNumber=2
 
Also available in an unabridged audio version read by the author: 

http://www.audible.com/adbl/site/products/ProductDetail.jsp? BV_SessionID=@@@@0545479184.1272211432@@@@&BV_EngineID=cccjadekfdmleefcefecekjdffidfmf.0 &productID=BK_BEAR_000001
 
UK orders:

http://www.audible.co.uk/aduk/site/product.jsp? p=BK_BEAR_000001UK&BV_SessionID=@@@@1904657385.1272326590@@@@&BV_EngineID=cccgade kffeehdjcefecekjdfikdffg.0