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FRIDAY, January 4, 2008

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

GOOD FOR YOU?… As of January 1, a new law in California makes it illegal to smoke with small children in the car. It's so strict, the law even prohibits smoking after MAKING a baby in the backseat of a car.

HAVING SAID THAT… Detroit’s Lake Superior State University has released their annual list of words or phrases that should be banished. It includes “perfect storm,” “waterboarding,” “post 9-11,” “under the bus,” and “surge.” Inadvertantly omitted: “multi tasking,” “Know what I’m saying?,” and “Pat Sejak is in show business.”

VERTUAL MEATGRINDER… The annual Video Game Trade Show in Orlando, FL unveiled new training and battle simulation games that were commissioned by the Pentagon to help sharpen recruits’ combat skills. If they work as hoped, next they’ll commission one that simulates thinking with a steel plate in your head and walking on prosthetic limbs.

CATASTROPHIC GENETICS… Bilawae Zardari, the 19 year old son of slain Pakistani president Benazir Bhutto, has been tapped by Peoples Party officials to become their new leader. Hoping to overcome the modern trend of politicians following in the footsteps of a parent turning out to be borderline idiots.
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“The California crunch really is the result of not enough power-generating plants and then not enough power to power the power of generating plants.”

George W. Bush 1/14/2001 Quoted in The NY Times
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TOO LITTLE TOO LATE… New Jersey is considering a proposal to apologize for slavery, having been the last state in the Union to ban it. If the apology works, next they plan to apologize for New Jersey.

HARD SHELLS… A carpet python in New South Wales swallowed golf balls a chicken farmer had placed in a nest to encourage hatching. But living in a den adjoining a golf course, the reptile passed on the Spaldings in favor of the Nikes.

DENTAL PREVENTAL… A recent survey shows that diners in Great Britain like the taste of fast food more than the French do. Which makes sense. Big Macs, Whoppers and Jumbo Jacks are soft… easy on the teeth.
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[] For hundreds of authentic idiotic quotes, check out “The George W. Bush Out of Office Countdown Handbook,” available at:
www.sourcebooks.com
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