Fracas In Caracas

[] Anti-American demonstrators in Venuzuela pelted U. S. Ambassador William Brownfield's limousine with eggs, tomatoes and other food. (USA Today 4/11)

A spokesman for the State Department denied the agency had any idea that Brownfield had been in Vaudeville.

[] The world's largest artificial lake is Lake Volta in Ghana. (USA Today 4/11)

Formerly known as Lake Aspertame.

[] Ontario, Canada police called the slaying of eight members of the "Bandidos" motorcycle gang "internal cleansing." (USA Today 4/11)

Sort of a Harley colonoscopy.

[] According to the Bureau of Transportation Statistics, the number of employees at the major air carriers has dropped 65,000 since 2002. (USA Today 4/11)

Telltale signs that your airline is cutting back:

1) You have to weigh your own luggage.
2) You're checked in by a Hari Krishna.
3) Plane is towed from boarding ramp by Triple A.
4) Captain sets auto-pilot and serves drinks.
5) Routine maintanence is performed by Jiffy-Lube.

[] The Kansas Board of Education is considering a proposal to limit sex education in schools to abstinence. (USA Today 4/10)

To fit in with their "flat earth" geography curriculum.

[] Seymour Hersh writes a New Yorker article claiming the Bush administration is gearing up to invade Iran. (CBS News 4/10)

When asked for his reaction to Hersh's article, Bush said "I didn't even like him in 'Taxi'."

[] Part I of ABC's "The "Ten Commandments" aired on Tuesday. (USA Today 4/10)

Keen-eyed viewers spotted several departures from the 1956 Charlton Heston version:

1) No more stone tablets. God delivers the Commandments on Moses's I-pod.
2) Chariot race is sponsored by Nascar.
3) Instead of the Red Sea, Moses parts Les Moonves and Howard Stern.
4) Bullrushes Moses is born in has become a Red Bull brewery.
5) At the end, Moses screams, "Let my people go to Starbucks!"

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