;

General Chaos

[] Six retired generals, Zinni, Eaton, Newbold, Riggs, Swannuck and Batiste are calling for Rumsfeld to resign. (USA Today 4/13)

Even more foreboding to the Bush administration, they're backed by equally prominent military leaders General Mills, Admiral Dewey, Colonel Klink, Commander McHale, Captain Queeg, Major Pierce, Lieutenant Columbo, Ensign Pulver, Sergeant Bilko and Private Benjamin.

[] Pope Benedict XVI blesses the faithful, washes the feet of 12 laymen, symbolizing Jesus's pre-Last Supper washing of the apostles' feet. (USA Today 4/14)

Traditionalists could have done without the Odor-Eaters commercial.

[] A Missouri woman collected $4000 and baby supplies by faking the birth of sextuplets. (USA Today 4/14)

In the maternity ward of Kansas City's Our Lady of the Immaculate Deception Hospital.

[] The rule allowing Iraqi soldiers to desert at will has depleted some units up to 50%. They sign no contract so can go AWOL whenever they want. (USA Today 4/14)

Usually to return home for their bar mitzvah.

[] The Texas Alcoholic Beverage Control has canceled "Operation Last Call," which allowed agents to arrest drunks in bars. (USA Today 4/14)

Sober patrons objected to the restroom road blocks.

[] Among religious-themed movies scheduled to be released this year include "Peaceful Warrior" with Nick Nolte, "The Reaping" with Hillary Swank, "Apocalypto" with Mel Gibson, "The King" with William Hurt, "Evan Almighty" with Steve Corell and "The Da Vinci Code" with Tom Hanks. (USA Today 4/14)

Still in development are "The Song of Bernadette 2" with Paris Hilton, "Deuce Bigelow, Vatican Pool Boy" with Rob Schneider and "If It's Tuesday, This Must Be Lourdes" with Jennifer Lopez.

[] Duke players hire top gun criminal defense attorney Bob Bennett to refute exotic dancer's rape allegations. (CBS News 4/13)

To complicate the case even further, Wayne Gretzky's wife is facing an indictment for betting on lacrosse.

[] Geologists in Greece have discovered the fossilized feces of a worm that lived 50 million years ago. (Cable News Network 4/12)

The scientists were stunned when a DNA sample matched Tom DeLay's.

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THE LAUGH MAKERS: A Leonard Maltin "Top 20" Year End Pick!

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BOB HOPE'S 1983 U.S. COLLEGE CAMPUS TOUR: Your Alma Mater Here?


"Having spent twenty years writing for the indefatigable Bob Hope, and traveling all over the world, Bob Mills is well qualified to salute the famous corps of gag men who kept the comedian knee-deep in jokes. These first-hand recollections summon up the final phase of Hope’s career—and the end of the trail for an entire brand of show business."

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Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.

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