DR. DIGIT'S HOLLYWOOD MEMORY BLOG: Code Blue! Code Blue!

Code Blue! Code Blue!

[] The Catholic Church has demanded that Sony run a disclaimer stating that The Da Vinci Code is "entirely fictional." (Reuters 4/15)

Sony has agreed to comply, providing the Vatican does the same.

[] A federal court has affirmed the right of Harrah's Casino to fire a Reno bartender who refused to wear makeup. (Associated Press 4/15)

The bartender was relying on the "Rosey O'Donnell Rule" governing show room headliners.

[] Walter "Puggy" Pearson, World Series of Poker legend, died in Las Vegas at age 77. (Los Angeles Times 4/15)

An autopsy has confirmed that he's not bluffing.

[] A spokesman for the Church of Scientology says that, according to church doctrine, words may not be spoken while Katie Holmes gives birth. (Sacramento Bee 4/16)

Tom will, however, be allowed to jump up and down on her bed.

[] A campaign is underway to find a more "contemporary" image to replace the familiar N.B.A. logo. (Los Angeles Times 4/16)

Why not keep the old one and just add a few ugly tattoos?

[] Wal-Mart will stop selling firearms in 1000 of its stores nationwide. (Associated Press 4/15)

A company executive cited reduced demand, an effort to attract more upscale customers and Dick Cheney.

[] A federal court struck down a Los Angeles city ordinance allowing police to arrest homeless people sleeping in public. (Los Angeles Daily News 4/15)

They may continue, however, shipping them to Calcutta.

[] A tornado ripped into the campus of the University of Iowa, with 150 m.p.h. winds
tearing off the roof of the Alpha Chi Omega sorority. (New York Times 4/15)

Alpha Chi Omega is Greek for "Yikes! The tables down at Morrie's just landed on Morrie!"

[] The State Department is taking applications for $25 million in grants to help topple the government of Iran. Said a spokesman, "Iran is governed by an unelected clerical elite not accountable to the people." (New York Times 4/15)

In other words... like us.

[] The head of the Utah Boy Scouts warns that members are not allowed to participate in immigration ralleys. (Salt Lake City Tribune 4/16)

The problem came to light when an Eagle Scout candidate was caught trying to start a fire by rubbing two green cards together.

[] Cardinal Roger Mahoney has a "special blend" of incense he prefers to use during rituals. (Los Angeles Times 4/16)

It's the traditional Vatican blend with a pinch of ground up priest pedophile subpoenas.

Welcome to our humble blog. I'm your genial host and obedient servant, Bob Mills, Googling here since 2004 when this site was called "Bereft-on-the-Left" which succeeded "Funny Side Up," launched in 1994. Lots of features have been added over the years, so if you're a newcomer, be sure to check out the satirical essays and sketches as well as our unique Hollywood photo galleries. Take your time, visit often and if you enjoy the site, please tell your friends. Any questions or comments can be directed to TheLaughMakers@gmail.com. Enjoy!

PAST ESSAYS & SKETCHES

THE LAUGH MAKERS in Print

"... terrific. Very insightful on the whole process of writing comedy, writing for Hope and on Hope himself."

Richard Zoglin
Author, Comedy at the Edge
Entertainment Editor
TIME Magazine

An Excerpt From THE LAUGH MAKERS Entitled "And Now a Word From Our Sponsor" Recalling Hope's Arrival on Radio in 1938 Will Appear In an Upcoming Issue of FILM CLASSICS MAGAZINE

THE LAUGH MAKERS is the cover story in Fall Issue of NOSTALGIA DIGEST now on the newsstand!

Sesame Street: Shanghai Version

Guests on our 1979 China special included Mickhail Baryshnikov, Crystal Gayle, mimes Robert Shields and Lorene Yarnell and Big Bird from Sesame Street. Operated from inside the bird's costume by Carroll Spinney, the popular childrens' character was the only member of Jim Henson's Muppet Troupe allowed to perform independently of the group. The Big Bird costume was maintained by a long-time puppeteer named Kermit (no relation to the frog) Love who replaced an average of 300 dyed turkey feathers following each performance. Spinney operates the character with the help of a small TV monitor and a fan for air circulation. Big Bird was such a hit with the kids, there's now a whole generation of Chinese children who have sworn off Peking Duck. (To view more photos like this plus shots of the modern China taken in 2007 during the author's return visit, click on Big Bird's beak.)

PICTURE PERFECT

In 1979, the Bob Hope Show spent a month in the People's Republic of China -- the first American TV crew to be allowed to tape a special there since Nixon had opened China to the west five years earlier. Here, the entire cast (including producer James Lipton, director Bob Wynn, associate producer Linda Hope and Mrs. Dolores Hope) gather for a rare photo atop the Great Wall. Bob Hope had just taped his opening musical number "I'm Off on the Road to China" (ala Road to Morocco) on a section of the Wall that had been cleared of tourists. The show, at a cost of $1.7 million, was the most expensive special Hope ever hosted during his 40 year career with NBC. (To view hundreds of photos -- including this one screen-size -- both from this visit and the author's return to China in 2007, click on the photo above.)

Scroll Down to Meet the Cast of KPFK's "ACCESS UNLIMITED"

"All Aboard!" for a photo tour of the Southern Pacific Railroad Museum located in Old Sacramento, CA. And don't miss the exclusive photos of the 2009 Pasadena Rose Parade which await your inspection below the copy.

Don't miss the Pacific Pioneer Broadcasters and and Yarmy's Army PHOTO GALLERIES - Exclusive, never-before-seen photographs taken by the author and regularly updated. Hizzoner, Dick Riordan, recently hosted a party for the Yarmy's gang at his Gladstone's For Fish in Malibu. Among the celebs present were Henry Gibson, Chuck McCann, Eddie Carroll, Shelley Berman, Mickey Kallan, Jim MacGeorge and Jack Riley. Scroll down past "The Road to Neocontopia."

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VISIT CHINA FREE!

Test drive Bob's book by clicking on Hope's Fu-Manchu mustache for the FREE SAMPLE CHAPTER entitled "How Now, Chairman Mao?" the story of Hope's historic special from the People's Republic in 1979. Hop aboard as Hope visits the Forbidden City, the Great Wall, Tienanmen Square and the Marble Boat (shown above) at Beijing's Summer Palace built by the Empress Dowager in 1400. The photo-rich site also covers Bob's return to Beijing and Shanghai in 2007. It's a rare opportunity to observe China as you've never seen it before. Bon voyage!

THE "NEW" BOB HOPE SPECIALS

In 1974, Hope signed a new contract with his sponsor Texaco that required him to produce his specials differently than they had been done for decades. Hope was asked to engage a separate, independent producer for each special -- producers who would be uniquely qualified to deliver programs which would be just that -- "special." In addition, Texaco encouraged Hope to begin taking his show on the road -- to tape them in foreign countries. These changes would improve the quality of the Bob Hope Show for the remainder of his career on television and insure that from then on, his reviews would be better and his Neilsen ratings uniformly higher than ever before.

In 1979, Superman (the movie) had been leaping tall buildings in a single bound -- so faster than a speeding bullet, we decided it would be a perfect parody sketch for Hope & Company as part of a one-hour special entitled Hope, Woman & Song taped at the Ambassador Auditorium in Pasadena, California and featuring guest stars Pat Boone, Debby Boone, Sammy Davis, Jr. and Debbie Reynolds. The show was produced by Buz Kohan. I took these photos at dress rehearsal.

Pat Boone is Doctor Mad Mad, a less-than-honorable scientist who has hatched a plan to clone the world's most famous crime fighter, Superiorman. Here he tells his nurse (Debbie Boone) that he's invited Superiorman's girlfriend, Lois Inane, ace reporter for the Daily Meteor, to his laboratory for a rarely-granted interview. He will take the comely reporter hostage and use her as bait to lure Superiorman into his carefully-crafted web. Soon, Lois arrives to conduct her interview and is escorted into Dr. Mad's laboratory.

After exchanging the usual pleasantries, Dr. Mad asks, "Join me in a drink, Miss Inane?" "I'd love to, but do you think we'll both fit in there?" The doctor spots her lapel pin that says, "PRESS." Pointing, he says, "Dare I?" Lois sips her drink and immediately realizes it contains something not usually found in a cocktail. "What have you given me?" she demands. "Nitroglycerine, Miss Inane. Any sudden moves and it's Fourth of July early!" "Wait until Superiorman hears of this," she warns. "He'll save me!" She thinks for a moment. "I guess in the meantime, dancing is definitely out?"

CHAPTER 1: "If You See an Opening, Jump In!" The author introduces his fellow scribes and describes the day-to-day life providing material for Hope's television specials and his personal appearances which at the time averaged 3-4 per week. The three staff writers for the television specials were also given the opportunity to write for Hope's personal appearances during the off-season summer months. The author's first special would be "On the Road With Bing," a memorial to Bing Crosby who had died in August while playing golf in Spain. It would be the first of 85 specials on which he would receive writing credit. Order button below.

Posted on Amazon.com...

The Laugh Makers - A Good Time Between The Covers!, May 27, 2009

By	Casey Keller "Casey Keller" (Valencia, CA USA) - See all my reviews

Wow! If you're looking for a fun read, you've come to the right place. Bob Mills, one of Bob Hope's final generation of writers, gives you an inside look at what it was like to work with this giant among 20th century entertainers in The Laugh Makers.

I love books about the world of entertainment, and this is a goodie. Instead of some dry, academic look at an artists work, or a tawdry peek through the keyhole at some entertainer's life, Mills takes you inside a brilliant and extremely specialized niche of show business lore.

Younger people may look on Hope as some corny old guy who used to be on TV - when they look back on him at all - but there was a time when he was the very hippest comic/comedian around. My generation turned on Hope when he became a symbol of the Vietnam War - but we were unfairly failing to distinguish between supporting the troops and supporting the war. The truth is, Hope made it big in every show business endeavor. He was a star in vaudeville, on Broadway, on radio, in movies and, of course, television. If you made a list of the ten most important, successful and loved American entertainers of the last century, Hope would be right there at the top.

Mills picks up the story in the late 70's, when he left a successful law career to follow his dream and write comedy. He follows Hope through the years of NBC TV specials, the travels around the world, especially to China and the late night phone calls asking for jokes and rewrites. Mills takes us past Hope the institution and gives us a glimpse at Hope, the man. Flawed? Of course, but according to the author, a decent guy and a wonderful colleague.

Happily, Mills doesn't drop the wit and taste for a well-turned phrase that kept him on Hope's payroll all those years. That's part of what makes the book such a fun read.

If you enjoy The Laugh Makers, you'll also like "See You In Nairobi: How Work Became Fun-The Second Time Around" by Howard Albrecht... another wonderful reminiscence of a life spent toiling in the TV comedy vineyards.

WHAT THEY'RE SAYING ACROSS THE POND...

Looking for a book to take on holiday with you? Why not check out The Laugh Makers: A Behind-The-Scenes Tribute To Bob Hope's Incredible Gag Writers. Whether you're lounging poolside in Croatia or sitting on a beach in Cornwall, writer Bob Mills has the power to instantly transport you to a bygone era of "variety, song-and-dance, brilliant patter and a seemingly endless parade of laughs."

Through 82 photos and countless anecdotes, Bob Mills tells of the goings-on behind the scenes on The Bob Hope Show, focusing on the show's talented gag writers. Celebrity gossip-mongers will be well satisfied, just as those after nothing more than a return to slapstick will be.

Let us know what you think!

Kirsty Eaglesham
DoYouRemember.co.uk/

School Daze

Bing and Bob, aka Harry Lillis and Leslie Townes (pictured far right), became fast pals after a rocky first meeting in the playground of Our Lady of Perpetual Indoctrination Grammar School in Cleveland. The lad in the center is believed to be Seymour (Sy) Sperling, who after several unsuccessful attempts to become the first man in history to circumnavigate Kate Smith, finally gave up and founded the Hair Club for Men. He would appear for a short time on the vaudeville circuit singing and dancing under the stage name "Mr. Follicle."

Our Lady of Perpetual Indoctrination Grammar School

It was here that the fateful first meeting of Harry O'Grady and Leslie Conroy occurred, launching a lifelong association that would turn out to have more twists and turns than a roller coaster. It was here that Mother Superior, Sister Necrophelia, who would years later testify at their sexual harrassment trial, ruled a student body that would, throughout the 1920s, produce the Dean brothers, Dizzy and Daffy, Philippine President Ferdinand Marcos and Baby Face Nelson's chiropractor, Irving "Bones" Clavicle. It remained a school until the early 1940s when it was sold to nylon bra heiress Victoria Venderkeller who converted it into the corporate headquarters of her new business, "Victoria's Secret,'" whose parking spaces were unmarked and whose phones were unlisted. In 1954, the building was razed, the land on which it stood was paved over; today, it serves as a Costco parking lot.

Msgr. Maurice Fitzgibbon

The kindly, rotund cleric would be the first to identify and isolate the boys' unique, inborn talent to amuse. He would provide a stage, however rudimentary, for the training and experience they would need to become semi-headliners on the Keith Circuit, casting them in school plays as diverse as "The Importance of Being Fred" to "Robin Hood's Colonoscopy" (Bob played Friar Tuck who doubled as a self-taught urologist). Unfortunately, the farsighted cleric would later become enmeshed in a Vatican banking scandal that involved collection plates with false bottoms and culminated in his being discovered hanging under a bridge outside Rome clad only in a tutu once owned by Lily Langtree and traced by Italian police authorities to Benito Mussolini's cousin "Fredo," an unemployed barber once convicted of masterminding the country's first Avon Ponzi scheme. Undeterred by the scandal and several veiled threats by the College of Cardinals to revoke his license to produce and star in adult films, Pope Valvoline XVIII consecrated him a saint. A university in Belgium now bears his name, awarding each year the coveted Fitzgibbon Prize in Topiary.

Camp Rapture Salvation Army Training Center

The boys received sixteen grueling weeks of basic training at this facility and seemed, at first, to adapt well to life in the military. Upon graduation on the Feast of St. Alphonse The Warrior, they were assigned to the elite 419th Brass and Symbol Battalion, much-decorated during WWI for their outstanding field support of the legendary 16th Donut and Butterhorn Brigade, known throughout the world as the "Big Red Krispie Kreme." But their initial hopes of winning field commissions were unexpectedly dashed by scales of justice that proved to be lopsided, but not in their favor. Drummed from the Corps, their epaulets ripped from their shoulders, they would have to pursue their vaudeville careers with a dishonorable discharge they would never quite manage to live down.

Omar & Habib

Completing their sentence early with time off for entertaining behavior (They hosted several "comedy nights" for the guards), Bing and Bob were anxious to resume their careers -- on the bottom rung of the show biz ladder, but on the ladder nonetheless. One morning while reading the Cleveland Plain Dealer in the onlyt flophouse they could afford on their $10 severence check, Bing spotted a want ad placed by a moving picture company seeking under-five actors for location work on Rudolph Valentino's first venture into comedy, "The Sheik Meets Ma and Pa Kettle." The job paid only $3 per day and required that the applicants provide their own towels to fashion suitable headgear. They did the best they could with the materials they had on hand: a blanket they had used in a two-man horse costume and the belt from Bob's Salvation Army Santa suit. Hired by the film's production supervisor, Sid Horshack, after short auditions which they nailed using accents they had used in the high school play "Ali Baba and the Forty Aluminum Siding Salesmen," they were on the job for several days when both were sacked -- Bob for selling Rudy a camel with a defective hump, and Bing for singing "The Shiek of Araby" during a particularly torrid love scene between Rudy and Theta Bara. Bing had momentarily forgotten that, as head eunuch of Rudy's harem, he was supposed to be a mute whose vocal cords had been snipped. So it was that the boys were forced to return to the all-too-familiar unemployment line, but this time with MGM's prop sand in their shoes.

Go Tell It To The Mountain

Their dreams dashed, the boys spent the next three months making the rounds and haunting production offices in search of auditions. Pickings were slim, but they did manage to land roles in a U.S. Army hygiene film entitled "Brothel Protocol" playing male sperm trapped inside a giant government-issued condom. Fellow sperm included Percy Kilbride, Ramon Navarro and Harry Von Zell, at the time blacklisted in Hollywood for inconveniencing Hedda Hopper. Reviews were lukewarm, with one critic describing Bing's performance as "so unconvincing, he appeared to be snorkling in a vat of Jello." To make matters worse, Bob's orgasm scene was cut when the editor noticed that his tail, carelessly attached by the wardrobe mistress, had fallen off.

Their film careers appeared to be going nowhere when, several months later, they landed roles as sherpa porters in King Vidor's remake of "Mt. Everest is My Mistress," with Francis X. Bushman and Vidor's real-life mistress, Billie Burke. The shooting, on the back lot at Universal, appeared to be proceeding smoothly when Bob suffered a panic attack which temporarily shut down production. It seems he had neglected to inform the casting director that he suffered from a lifelong fear of heights. During a key sequence when Bushman and Burke were about to summit following a violent quarrel in their wind-swept tent over his insistence on whistling "That's What I Like About the South" while making love, Bob froze, unable to move despite pleas from his fellow actors and King Vidor's threats to report him to the Hayes Office. After unsuccessful attempts to talk him down by his agent, his accupuncturist and Edith Head, the Burbank Fire Department was summoned. But the damage had been done. Despite Bob's promise to enroll in a Fear of Heights 12-Step program, the resulting publicity succeeded in placing the boys' film career hopes on the "Do Not Recuscitate" list.

Maybe the boys just aren't cut out for the movies. There are other branches of show business. How about radio? Sure, it's a new medium, but...

"A Bunch of the Boys Were Whooping it Up..."

The boys return from shore leave with a rare treasure Bing purchased from a local prostitute who had studied art at a major mid-western junior college: a pillow adorned with a remarkably accurate likeness of Clara Bow who had visited the island of Pancho Segura, captured by the Dutch during the Tulip Wars of 1847. Miss Bow had come to the island to star in the ill-fated Fatty Arbuckle film "Them Darn Natives," which was suspended mid-production when Fatty was accidentally impaled on a poison spear during an ancient, though seldom-seen, fertility dance. The film was later edited and released as the 1928 Academy Award-winning "Attack of the Giant Kelp."

CRYSTAL PLUNGE POOL SERVICE

Disguised as pool technitions from Esther Williams' "Crystal Plunge Pool Service," the boys gain entry to the super-secure mercenary-training faclity known among those in the shadowy world of illicit weapons production and distribution as "Blackwater Downs." Owned by founder, L. Grover Norquist, the training grounds were instrumental, according to Princess Dot, in bringing down the formerly peace-loving Neocontopia at the hands of the "Bushies," under-developed natives from a region of the kingdom known as "Texonia." Will our intrepid duo be able to expose the evil-doers and restore Princess Dot to her rightful position as third in line to the throne? Don't miss one thrilling episode of "The Road to Neocontopia," as our exciting story unfolds right here in Dr. Digit's blog!

In 1978, Hope decided to take his show to Australia. To produce the 2-hour special, he hired Australian-born Chris Bearde whose main claim to fame until then had been his creation of "The Gong Show" which he had sold to Chuck Barris.

Using production techniques that he had perfected while producing his overseas military shows, Hope made sure that Beard provided the writing crew -- Gig Henry, Charlie Lee, me and a friend of Bearde's who needed a credit to maintain his WGA medical coverage, David Letterman -- with plenty of background material on Aussie customs, cuisine and slang that Hope could refer to in his monologues. (i.e., Aussie women are called "Sheilas" or "birds" as in "I had no trouble getting permission to make this trip. My wife thinks I'm down here studying the local birds.")

Gig and I would travel to Australia and meet Hope in Perth, on the continent's far western shore. Hope would host the special from the stage of the newly-opened Perth Entertainment centre, the first American entertainer to appear there.

In 1978, both Barbara's show "I Dream of Jeannie" and Florence's "The Brady Bunch" were still in their first runs on Australian television so the girls were mobbed whenever they were spotted taping segments around Perth. While popular American TV series arrived Down Under well after they had run in the states, technically, Aussie TV was superior to that in the US; they had adopted a signal transmission system that utilized more horizontal lines which produced clearer, crisper images on the screen.

TIE ME KANGAROO DOWN, SPORT!

One day during a break, we ventured into the Outback a few miles to visit a national wild animal preserve. Here, Florence Henderson makes friends with a baby 'roo called "joeys." She immediately nicknamed the little guy "Joey Brady," Mother knagaroos are able to nurse as many as three joeys simultaneously at different stages of development -- which probably explains Florence's affinity for them. Mom can also choose her delivery date, postponing it in cases of drought or famine until conditions for newborns to survive improve. No surprise that kangaroos thrive and no one drives in the Outback at night without a heavy steel 'roo guard welded to the front bumper.

Barney McNulty, Hope's cue card engineer for over 35 years at the time, draws a bead on one of the park's prize emus. An incurable photographer, Barney was never without a camera and snapped endlessly during every film or TV show he ever worked on. His photos today are priceless; he captured candid shots of stars from Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau to Sammy Davis, Jr., Elizabeth Taylor, Jack Nicholson, Frank Sinatra and Sophia Loren. He worked on so many movies and TV series over the years, he was welcomed through the front gate of every major TV network or film studio in Hollywood. Barney was the brother of Penny Singleton who played Blondie in the movies.

Lee is posing for a publicity shot that will be used in promotional ads for the special. Our guests were frequently asked to remain in costume for a few extra minutes to perform these duties for the NBC photographer. Lee Marvin was a marvelous comic actor who could convey so much humor with body language alone. Note also that the set has been built on a platform. When multiple sketches were scheduled to be taped on the same day before the same audience, the set was on wheels so it could be quickly rolled out to make room for the new one.

Here's Lee as he appeared in our second parody sketch, a takeoff on the first Best Picture Academy Award winner, "Wings." Our version, entitled "Thighs," starred Lee as an overbearing World War I Air Corps captain stationed outside Paris and viing with a young lieutenant (Hope) for the attention of the company's attractive flight nurse, Polly (Ann Jillian). Bent on removing his competition permanently, he orders Hope on a suicide mission to shoot down the elusive German fighter-ace, Baron von Schitckhoven, or die trying. Preferably the latter.

THE MILITARY ACADEMY SPECIALS

In 1980, we taped the first of three specials produced by James Lipton (who now hosts Inside the Actors Studio on Bravo). The first in the series which would celebrate Hope's birthday each May, was taped at the Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs. All three shows -- at West Point in 1981 and Annapolis in 1982 -- would feature prominent military or government luminaries who would deliver a tribute to Hope at the conclusion of the specials. At the Air Force Academy, former astronaut Alan Shepard performed the honors.

In his monologue, Hope delivered these lines:

Thank you, cadets. I'm so happy to be here at the Air Force Academy... or, as it's referred to by the other service academies, "Rocky Mountain Disneyland."

We had a great flight in and I want to thank the Air Force for providing the transportation. It's the first time I've ever flown in a cruise missile.

When we arrived, the pilot landed on the football field. We made it, but next time I wish he'd try it lengthwise.

Guests on the special included Loni Anderson, Andy Gibb, Diana Ross, Kenneth Mars, Olympic ice skaters Randy Gardner and Tai Bablonia and Hope's wife, Dolores.

_______________________________________

The following year, we were off to West Point where fellow writer Gig Henry and I were billeted in the academy's Hotel Thayer, where the Iranian hostages had recently stayed -- their first stop on U.S. soil after over a year in captivity. I bought this poster of a ceremonial drum major's helmet and, during the course of our week's stay, had it autographed by each of our guests: George C. Scott, Glen Campbell, Robert Urich, Mickey Rooney, Brooke Shields, Marie Osmond, Mary Martin, Sugar Ray Leonard, Leroy Reems, Wanda Richards and George Bush the Elder.

Hope's West Point monologue included these lines:

Thank you, cadets. You can relax. I have a directive from the superintendent authorizing you to laugh until further notice.

No, I can't believe the discipline here. Yesterday, I saw a porcupine chewing out a racoon for haviung his hands in his pouch.

And these military regulations are strictly enforced. As soon as taps sounded last night, all the lights went out and the Hudson River stopped flowing.

With so many high-ranking politicians in attendance, Secret Service agents were everywhere. Here is the pass I was issued that allowed me full access to anywhere on the Academy grounds.

For our final academy special in 1982, we set our sextant on our next port-of-call, Annapolis, Maryland and the U.S. Naval Academy. Guest stars would include Bernadette Peters, James Coburn, Brooke Shields, Jerry Cooney, Larry Holmes, Charlton Heston, Leslie Neilsen, Sammy Davis, Jr., Robert Goulet, the cast of Broadway's Sophisticated Ladies and the Academy's most famous pigskin grad, Roger Staubach. The now traditional tribute to Hope would be delivered by former Secretary of State, Al Haig.

Here's a sampling from the monologue Hope delivered that day:

Here we are at the Naval Academy, the nation's only federally-funded yacht club.

This morning, I had breakfast at King Hall and I've never had to eat so fast. They give you three minutes to chew, but yoiu swallow on your own time.

This place is so military. The midshipmen are required to salute anyone in uniform. And I mean anyone. Annapolis has the proudest mailman in the postal service.

In our sketch, we cast Roger Staubach as a sought-after high school senior (which indeed he had been) being recruited by Navy's ace-recruiter, Admiral John Paul Smith (Hope) who's brought along an added bonus, his attractive niece, Felice (Bernadette).

BERNADETTE:
You'll love military life. Women go crazy over men in uniform.

ROGER:
I know. That's why mom married dad.

BERNADETTE:
Your father was in the Navy?

ROGER:
No, he was a bus driver.

This line got the expected laugh, but the next one, delivered by Bernadette brough down the house.

BERNADETTE:
Oh, a graduate of the Air Force Academy.

In the mass of background information we had received on the Academy, we noted that middies refer to Air Force graduates as "bus drivers." We knew we had a sure-fire, built-in laugh.

The academy specials proved to be among the highest-rated Hope specials of the 1980s.

The Road to China

Click on this photo to read a chapter from Bob's new book, "THE LAUGH MAKERS," recalling Bob Hope's 1979 month-long invasion of the Peoples Republic of China. "How Now Chairman Mao?" is filled with fascinating stories of suspicion, mistrust, international intrigue and near-expulsion as agents of the Red Guard meet their match against members of the elite NBC Peacock Unit. Gunboat Diplomacy is replaced by Punchline Appeasement as Hope and his merry band of mirthmakers survive a bumpy ride on the Orient Express. All aboard for an unforgettable ride! www.laughmakers.blogspot.com

P.P.B. was founded in 1946 by Edgar Bergen and Jim Jordan (Fibber of Fibber MaGee & Molly). It began as an informal monthly get-together by those working in radio. Over the years, it evolved into an organization of former showfolk who had worked in vaudeville, movies and later, television. Membership requires continued employment in any of those occupations for a minimum of 20 years. Anyone who worked in any phase of the entertainment industry is welcome. Presently, members and guests meet bi-monthly at the Sportsmens Lodge in Studio City for a luncheon and "roast" of a show biz luminary. Recent honorees included Phyllis Diller, Peter Falk, Carl Reiner, Robert Culp, Loretta Swit, Shelley Berman, Vin Scully and stars of the Big Band era. Membership is approximately 500.

Yarmy's Army, named for the late Dick Yarmy, brother of Don Adams, was formed 25 years ago to meet monthly in remembrance of Dick who was loved by all who knew him. Founding members now gone included Don Adams, Don Knotts, Louie Nye, Tom Poston, Pat McCormick, Harvey Korman, Howard Morris, Bob Ridgley, Ron Carey, Chris Weeks and Bob Donner. Present members include Gary Owens, Shelley Berman, Jack Rielly, Chuck McCann, Greg Lewis, Gary Belken, Sam Denoff, Peter Marshall, Tom Sharp, John Rappaport, Howard Storm, Dick Van Patton, Stanley Dyrector, Hank Garrett, Eddie Carroll, Geoffrey Mark, Alan Kent, Richard Riordan, Hank Bradford, Ron Clark, Rocky Kalish, Jeremy Vernon, Ronnie Schell, Jim McGeorge, John Regis, Pat Harrington and Bill Dana. The group produces and performs fund-raisers for showfolk in need and various organizations including the Motion Picture Country Home and Hospital in Woodland Hills. Members meet monthly at Jerry's Deli in Westwood to entertain one another with stories from their rich show business pasts. Laughs cascading from Jerry's second-floor dining room provide a cacaphony that often comes close to requiring police intervention.

ABOUT KPFK (90.7 fm Los Angles & 98.7 fm Santa Barbara)

First broadcasting in 1959, KPFK was the second of five Pacifica Stations -- KPFA Berkeley -- KPFT Houston -- WBAI New York -- and WPFW Washington, D.C. With a large transmitter in a prime location, KPFK is the most powerful non-commercial radio station in the Western United States.

Pacifica broadcasts via satellite and the Internet and its programs are archieved for 90 days from broadcast. It has compiled a large and extensive permanent archive, energizing independent community radio through collaboration, interactivity and program exchange throughout the network. Its mission is to promote peace and justice through communication between all races, nationalities and cultures.

KPFK’s studio is located at 3729 Cahuenga Blvd. West, North Hollywood, CA 91604 (818) 985-2711 - Fax: (818) 763-7526 - Studio phone: (818) 985-5735

TIGER TAKES "INDEFINITE LEAVE" -- EVERYONE IN GOLF SAD BUT NICHOLAS

TIGER'S SPONSORS BAILING - ALL BUT WHEATIES SEE CONDUCT AS DAMAGING TO PRODUCT IMAGE

1000s of FREE MP3 Downloads Including Classics! ==========>

TIGER'S LATEST IS A PORN STAR -- "BEHIND THE GREEN JACKET"?

26 YR OLD LENGERIE MODEL: "TIGER NEVER PAID." ON THE PLUS SIDE, AT LEAST HE'S NOT A SPITZER

TIGER'S MISTRESS: "WE DID IT EVERYWHERE BUT THE BEDROOM." THERE GOES HIS GREENS IN REG. STATS

MCCRYSTAL LATEST WEST POINT SOOTHSAYER -- SHOULD TALK TO WESTMORELAND ABOUT LIGHT AT TUNNEL'S END

INMATE MADOFF BLENDS, FORMS BIKER GANG, GUARDS SUSPECT FONZI SCHEME

TIGER WOODS --- THE SORRY SORDID SAGA SO FAR...

Code Blue! Code Blue!

WELCOME! Now that you've been logged in, please make yourself at home and have fun!

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Help Stop This Unfair Attack on Health Insurance Companies!

The Ambassadors of Harmony --- The Best Chorus We've Heard in Ages!

THE SMARTEST DANCING DOG YOU'LL EVER SEE !!

Now You Can Receive International Wireservice Updates by E-Mail!

DON'T MISS BOB'S INTERVIEW ON SHOKUS RADIO!

The Chuck McCann Show, New York, 1961

Shelley Berman Interview

GOP's NewsBusters Video Plays Like a Lame SNL Sketch. Watch.

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PAST ESSAYS & SKETCHES

Link: www.lists.topica.com/lists/funnysideup/read?sort=d&start=0

Link: www.bearmanormedia.bizland.com/id370.html

THE LAUGH MAKERS in Print

Listen to Bob's interview with "Wait, I Know This!" host Eric Chilton taped on 7/13.

Link: www.TvParty.com

Link: www.authormagazine.org

Link: www.freebookexcerpts.com

Link: www.goldstar.com

Link: www.laughmakers.com

Link: www.doyouremember.co.uk/

Link: www.tvconfidential.net

Link: http://www.tvparty.com/1blog-laugh.html

Link: www.write101.com

Link: www.hadleyblog.blogspot.com

Link: www.savingthelivesofourown.org

Link: www.patrickreynolds.com

Link: www.theanimalrescuesite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=3

GENERAL CHAOS

Sesame Street: Shanghai Version

Chinese Swan Lake

PICTURE PERFECT

Time in the US and Beijing

Don't Miss These Special Features Compiled by Dr. Digit!

Scroll Down to Meet the Cast of KPFK's "ACCESS UNLIMITED"

VISIT CHINA FREE!

Subscribers in the UK Should Click Here

Sports Update

THE BOB HOPE SHOW MEMORABILIA GALLERY

THE "NEW" BOB HOPE SPECIALS

Posted on Amazon.com...

WHAT THEY'RE SAYING ACROSS THE POND...

Bob Hope and Lucy @ the Oscars (1989)

THE STARS DANCING

REHEARSAL

WAIT FOR ME, GUYS...

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS?

"Like Webster's Dictionary we're Moroooccooo bound!"

School Daze

Our Lady of Perpetual Indoctrination Grammar School

Msgr. Maurice Fitzgibbon

Hope & Crosby Guest on "The Tonight Show" (1975)

Camp Rapture Salvation Army Training Center

Omar & Habib

Go Tell It To The Mountain

Aboard the "S.S. Bay Buchanan"

"A Bunch of the Boys Were Whooping it Up..."

The Magic Bottle

The Map of Blackwater Downs

CRYSTAL PLUNGE POOL SERVICE

Hope, John Forsythe, Brooke Shields & Catherine Bach (1982 Christmas Special)

Time in the US and Australia

LIVE FROM PERTH!

TIE ME KANGAROO DOWN, SPORT!

THE MILITARY ACADEMY SPECIALS

KEEPING IN TOUCH

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

The Road to China

YARMY'S REMEMBERS...