Code Blue! Code Blue!

[] The Catholic Church has demanded that Sony run a disclaimer stating that The Da Vinci Code is "entirely fictional." (Reuters 4/15)

Sony has agreed to comply, providing the Vatican does the same.

[] A federal court has affirmed the right of Harrah's Casino to fire a Reno bartender who refused to wear makeup. (Associated Press 4/15)

The bartender was relying on the "Rosey O'Donnell Rule" governing show room headliners.

[] Walter "Puggy" Pearson, World Series of Poker legend, died in Las Vegas at age 77. (Los Angeles Times 4/15)

An autopsy has confirmed that he's not bluffing.

[] A spokesman for the Church of Scientology says that, according to church doctrine, words may not be spoken while Katie Holmes gives birth. (Sacramento Bee 4/16)

Tom will, however, be allowed to jump up and down on her bed.

[] A campaign is underway to find a more "contemporary" image to replace the familiar N.B.A. logo. (Los Angeles Times 4/16)

Why not keep the old one and just add a few ugly tattoos?

[] Wal-Mart will stop selling firearms in 1000 of its stores nationwide. (Associated Press 4/15)

A company executive cited reduced demand, an effort to attract more upscale customers and Dick Cheney.

[] A federal court struck down a Los Angeles city ordinance allowing police to arrest homeless people sleeping in public. (Los Angeles Daily News 4/15)

They may continue, however, shipping them to Calcutta.

[] A tornado ripped into the campus of the University of Iowa, with 150 m.p.h. winds
tearing off the roof of the Alpha Chi Omega sorority. (New York Times 4/15)

Alpha Chi Omega is Greek for "Yikes! The tables down at Morrie's just landed on Morrie!"

[] The State Department is taking applications for $25 million in grants to help topple the government of Iran. Said a spokesman, "Iran is governed by an unelected clerical elite not accountable to the people." (New York Times 4/15)

In other words... like us.

[] The head of the Utah Boy Scouts warns that members are not allowed to participate in immigration ralleys. (Salt Lake City Tribune 4/16)

The problem came to light when an Eagle Scout candidate was caught trying to start a fire by rubbing two green cards together.

[] Cardinal Roger Mahoney has a "special blend" of incense he prefers to use during rituals. (Los Angeles Times 4/16)

It's the traditional Vatican blend with a pinch of ground up priest pedophile subpoenas.