Sarah Palin recently told fans at a political rally that she’ll be going to India in mid-April and will visit the Taj Mahal. She says she can’t wait to see if the Indians were able to construct as accurate a copy of the original one in Vegas as the Romans did with Caesar‘s Palace.
It was Forty years ago this month that Nancy Reagan launched the War on Drugs with the motto “Just Say No.” Ten years later it was changed to “Just Say Maybe.” Today it’s become, “If Watching Charlie Sheen Doesn’t Do It For You, Nothing Will.”
In view of his success in “Toy Story 3,” Hasbro has given Mr. Potato Head a complete makeover, shedding pounds and giving him pants. And in keeping with his new more svelte image, he’ll be voiced by a thinner, equally smart-mouthed version of Don Rickles -- Howard Stern.
To stem the rash of concussions, the NFL will require that players be examined each time their head collides with another player. Simple test really. They’ll be asked if they remember their name, the college they skipped classes at, and the starlet they’re currently living with.
For the first time since 1383, a case of the Plague has been confirmed in Illinois. What are the symptoms of the Plague you‘re no doubt wondering. Well, according to the CDC, you can be pretty certain you’ve got it if three Carpathian monks dump your body onto an ox cart.
______________________
(The following is excerpted from WakiLeaks 2001, now available for $2.99 from Kindle at http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004KSQX0O These lines first appeared in this blog in March, 2001)
Tiger Woods stepped on a fan at the Pebble Beach golf tournament and wrenched his knee. (AP) On the plus side, it landed him an endorsement deal with Ace Bandages worth $10 million a year.
"Good Morning America" will televise a live birth next Tuesday. (AP) CBS will answer with a live death as soon as they can talk Andy Rooney into it.
French president Jacques Chirac announced that a high speed train will be in service between France and Italy by 2015. (USA Today) It will take them at least that long to decide who'll be in charge of the dining car menu.
General Motors will use biodegradable pork and turkey byproducts to make castings for auto parts. (AP) They've already hired an assembly line rabbi.
"All My Children" regular Kelly Ripa has been tapped to replace Kathie Lee Gifford as Regis' sidekick. (LA Daily News) Big plus going in -- she doesn't sing.
Two Japan Airlines jets came within 200 feet of each other between Tokyo and Okinawa. (USA Today) The distance was calculated from 167 snapshots taken out the windows.
The FDA has ruled that prunes can be labeled "Dried Plums." (USA Today) As long as it's in large lettering as requested by AARP.
A study by the British Antarctic Survey has debunked reports by pilots that penguins watching the planes overhead topple over like dominos. (AP) What the pilots actually saw were nuns doing calisthenics in the courtyard of a convent.
Pop diva Celine bought a $4250 stroller for her new son Rene-Charles (USA Today) It has a Bose sound system, a 5-inch color TV and a fully stocked strained vegetable bar.
(Excerpted from WakiLeaks 2001, first published in February, 2001. Download on Kindle for $2.99 at: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004KSQX0O )
It was Forty years ago this month that Nancy Reagan launched the War on Drugs with the motto “Just Say No.” Ten years later it was changed to “Just Say Maybe.” Today it’s become, “If Watching Charlie Sheen Doesn’t Do It For You, Nothing Will.”
In view of his success in “Toy Story 3,” Hasbro has given Mr. Potato Head a complete makeover, shedding pounds and giving him pants. And in keeping with his new more svelte image, he’ll be voiced by a thinner, equally smart-mouthed version of Don Rickles -- Howard Stern.
To stem the rash of concussions, the NFL will require that players be examined each time their head collides with another player. Simple test really. They’ll be asked if they remember their name, the college they skipped classes at, and the starlet they’re currently living with.
For the first time since 1383, a case of the Plague has been confirmed in Illinois. What are the symptoms of the Plague you‘re no doubt wondering. Well, according to the CDC, you can be pretty certain you’ve got it if three Carpathian monks dump your body onto an ox cart.
______________________
(The following is excerpted from WakiLeaks 2001, now available for $2.99 from Kindle at http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004KSQX0O These lines first appeared in this blog in March, 2001)
Tiger Woods stepped on a fan at the Pebble Beach golf tournament and wrenched his knee. (AP) On the plus side, it landed him an endorsement deal with Ace Bandages worth $10 million a year.
"Good Morning America" will televise a live birth next Tuesday. (AP) CBS will answer with a live death as soon as they can talk Andy Rooney into it.
French president Jacques Chirac announced that a high speed train will be in service between France and Italy by 2015. (USA Today) It will take them at least that long to decide who'll be in charge of the dining car menu.
General Motors will use biodegradable pork and turkey byproducts to make castings for auto parts. (AP) They've already hired an assembly line rabbi.
"All My Children" regular Kelly Ripa has been tapped to replace Kathie Lee Gifford as Regis' sidekick. (LA Daily News) Big plus going in -- she doesn't sing.
Two Japan Airlines jets came within 200 feet of each other between Tokyo and Okinawa. (USA Today) The distance was calculated from 167 snapshots taken out the windows.
The FDA has ruled that prunes can be labeled "Dried Plums." (USA Today) As long as it's in large lettering as requested by AARP.
A study by the British Antarctic Survey has debunked reports by pilots that penguins watching the planes overhead topple over like dominos. (AP) What the pilots actually saw were nuns doing calisthenics in the courtyard of a convent.
Pop diva Celine bought a $4250 stroller for her new son Rene-Charles (USA Today) It has a Bose sound system, a 5-inch color TV and a fully stocked strained vegetable bar.
(Excerpted from WakiLeaks 2001, first published in February, 2001. Download on Kindle for $2.99 at: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004KSQX0O )
