The Austrian government has honored Arnold Schwarzenegger with a nine-foot-tall bronze statue in a Vienna park. He’s shown standing beside three-foot-tall Danny DeVito in a scene from “Twins.”
A rare bottle of French wine estimated to be 237 years old recently sold at auction for $77,000. Of course, it had to be authenticated by experts. You know French wine is genuine when it has a dead escargot floating around in the bottom.
Pope Benedict XVI has had his name removed from Italy’s approved list of organ donors. He recently discovered he can make all the organs he needs at mass when he’s changing bread into Jesus.
Two all-time “Jeopardy!” champions recently took on an IBM super-computer named Watson and lost. Even more alarming, Watson was judged to have more personality than Ken Jeffries and Alec Trebek combined.
The Wisconsin Teachers Union are demonstrating in the state capital against proposed pension cuts. Teachers always have a devil of a time staging a decent picket line. They keep correcting one anothers’ signs for grammar and punctuation.
______________________
(The following is excerpted from WakiLeaks 2001, now available from Kindle at http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004KSQX0O
These lines first appeared in this blog in March, 2001)
McDonalds has recalled 234,000 "Scooter Bug" toys distributed with Happy Meals because they can pose a choking hazard for children. (USA Today) No mention of the "nutrition hazard" caused by the Happy Meals themselves.
Super illusionist David Copperfield has replaced former fiancé Claudia Schiffer with Belgian model Ambre Fisque. (LA Daily News) According to friends, Claudia took off after David sawed her in half and then refused to rejoin her.
An exotic dancer has sued Sylvester Stallone, claiming he sexually assaulted her in his gym. (USA Today) He seems to be denying it, but who can really be sure what he's saying about anything?
GM and OnStar are teaming up to deliver stock market quotes to motorists. (LA Times) Yugo owners had that option years ago, but could only receive reports on junk bonds.
A disposable cell phone made out of paper will be available by year's end for around $10. (LA Times)
1) Great as menus. Now when you call the waiter, you can CALL the waiter.
2) It will have an optional screen for conference calls -- called Paper View.
3) Some conventional cell phone users claim the new phone isn't worth the paper its circuits are printed on.
A survey by Crowd Management Strategies shows that 6582 rap concert goers were injured last year. (USA Today) That's physically. The mental damage is considered incalculable.
Trouble prone rapper DMX was charged with felony assault after throwing a meal tray at a guard at New York's Erie County Correctional facility. (USA Today) In most jails, lima beans are considered deadly weapons.
Melanie Chisholm, generally considered the best singer in the Spice Girls, is leaving the group. (LA Times) She told reporters her style now leans more toward herbs.
The CDC says Americans are lazier than ever with 30% getting no exercise at all. (AP) If you don't count reaching for a Nacho that's fallen between the couch cushions exercise.
Until next time, I leave you with the immortal words of Saint Peter who reportedly said to the 911 operator "I tell you it's a BUSH. . . and it's on FIRE!"
(Excerpted from WakiLeaks 2001, first published in March, 2001. Download on Kindle at: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004KSQX0O
A rare bottle of French wine estimated to be 237 years old recently sold at auction for $77,000. Of course, it had to be authenticated by experts. You know French wine is genuine when it has a dead escargot floating around in the bottom.
Pope Benedict XVI has had his name removed from Italy’s approved list of organ donors. He recently discovered he can make all the organs he needs at mass when he’s changing bread into Jesus.
Two all-time “Jeopardy!” champions recently took on an IBM super-computer named Watson and lost. Even more alarming, Watson was judged to have more personality than Ken Jeffries and Alec Trebek combined.
The Wisconsin Teachers Union are demonstrating in the state capital against proposed pension cuts. Teachers always have a devil of a time staging a decent picket line. They keep correcting one anothers’ signs for grammar and punctuation.
______________________
(The following is excerpted from WakiLeaks 2001, now available from Kindle at http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004KSQX0O
These lines first appeared in this blog in March, 2001)
McDonalds has recalled 234,000 "Scooter Bug" toys distributed with Happy Meals because they can pose a choking hazard for children. (USA Today) No mention of the "nutrition hazard" caused by the Happy Meals themselves.
Super illusionist David Copperfield has replaced former fiancé Claudia Schiffer with Belgian model Ambre Fisque. (LA Daily News) According to friends, Claudia took off after David sawed her in half and then refused to rejoin her.
An exotic dancer has sued Sylvester Stallone, claiming he sexually assaulted her in his gym. (USA Today) He seems to be denying it, but who can really be sure what he's saying about anything?
GM and OnStar are teaming up to deliver stock market quotes to motorists. (LA Times) Yugo owners had that option years ago, but could only receive reports on junk bonds.
A disposable cell phone made out of paper will be available by year's end for around $10. (LA Times)
1) Great as menus. Now when you call the waiter, you can CALL the waiter.
2) It will have an optional screen for conference calls -- called Paper View.
3) Some conventional cell phone users claim the new phone isn't worth the paper its circuits are printed on.
A survey by Crowd Management Strategies shows that 6582 rap concert goers were injured last year. (USA Today) That's physically. The mental damage is considered incalculable.
Trouble prone rapper DMX was charged with felony assault after throwing a meal tray at a guard at New York's Erie County Correctional facility. (USA Today) In most jails, lima beans are considered deadly weapons.
Melanie Chisholm, generally considered the best singer in the Spice Girls, is leaving the group. (LA Times) She told reporters her style now leans more toward herbs.
The CDC says Americans are lazier than ever with 30% getting no exercise at all. (AP) If you don't count reaching for a Nacho that's fallen between the couch cushions exercise.
Until next time, I leave you with the immortal words of Saint Peter who reportedly said to the 911 operator "I tell you it's a BUSH. . . and it's on FIRE!"
(Excerpted from WakiLeaks 2001, first published in March, 2001. Download on Kindle at: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004KSQX0O
