Astronomers have released what they believe is an accurate census of the entire solar system. The count was begun in 1997, but the nerd NASA hired to do it got to 2,346,710,985, was distracted by the flame-out of starlet Winona Ryder’s career, and had to start over.
The state of Texas will soon allow college co-eds to legally pack firearms on campus. Wow. Now when cheerleaders yell “Siss… Boom… Baa… “ they’ll be able to graphically demonstrate the “boom.”
According to a study commissioned by the national Geriatric Association, elder abuse rose 22% last year. It’s getting so bad, last week Barbara Walters was spotted pummeling Andy Griffith and Bob Barker with Wilfred Brimley.
NASCAR signed a multi-million dollar sponsorship deal with Wal Mart who will offer a new line of clothing specially-designed for the weekend wheelie wonk -- including more fully-cut beer belly T-shirts, and coveralls in colors that don’t clash with a red neck.
The City of Los Angeles is teaching teens the proper use of Ecstasy at rave parties. They’re passing out brochures and produced an instructional video sent to all high schools that’s hosted by Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan.
____________________________
(The following is excerpted from WakiLeaks 2001, now available from Kindle at http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004KSQX0O
These lines first appeared in this blog in March, 2001)
After his lawyers bailed out, O.J. has decided to represent himself in his civil judgment appeal. (LA Times) He didn't make a very good amateur surgeon. Maybe he'll click as an amateur lawyer.
Julia Roberts will wear a diamond necklace worth $2 million to the Oscars. (LA Times) If she wins, she'll thank her producer, her director and Harry Winston.
Engineers at CA's Six Flags Magic Mountain are placing the finishing touches on X-The Fourth Dimension, expected to be "the ultimate roller coaster experience." (AP) If you don't count Nasdaq.
Disney's "Princess of Thieves," a TV movie about Robin Hood's daughter, aired on ABC. (LA Times) Chip off the old block. She shops from the rich and gives to American Express.
Actor Tony Dow who played Wally on "Leave It To Beaver" is suing TV Land for using photos of him with tattoos on his chest. (LA Times) And just when his acting career was slipping into high gear.
According to TV's Extra!, the average pay phone mouthpiece harbors over 100 viruses. (LA Times) About the same as Dennis Rodman's tooth brush.
A Romanian pig farmer was attacked by his porkers who removed an ear, a testicle and part of his scalp. (LA Times) On the plus side, it was all caught on tape for The Jerry Springer Show.
Massachusetts, at 30%, has the highest number of Americans of Irish ancestry. (USA Today) And 77% of them are Kennedys.
A study by the American Psychological Association found that members of college fraternities don't drink more than non-Greeks after they graduate. (LA Times) They suddenly realize that peeing out the window of a house you have a mortgage on just doesn't seem to be as much fun.
Until next time, I leave you with the immortal words of Mrs. Groucho Marx who once said to Groucho "The secret word is not tonight."
(Excerpted from WakiLeaks 2001, first published in March, 2001. Download on Kindle at: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004KSQX0O)
The state of Texas will soon allow college co-eds to legally pack firearms on campus. Wow. Now when cheerleaders yell “Siss… Boom… Baa… “ they’ll be able to graphically demonstrate the “boom.”
According to a study commissioned by the national Geriatric Association, elder abuse rose 22% last year. It’s getting so bad, last week Barbara Walters was spotted pummeling Andy Griffith and Bob Barker with Wilfred Brimley.
NASCAR signed a multi-million dollar sponsorship deal with Wal Mart who will offer a new line of clothing specially-designed for the weekend wheelie wonk -- including more fully-cut beer belly T-shirts, and coveralls in colors that don’t clash with a red neck.
The City of Los Angeles is teaching teens the proper use of Ecstasy at rave parties. They’re passing out brochures and produced an instructional video sent to all high schools that’s hosted by Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan.
____________________________
(The following is excerpted from WakiLeaks 2001, now available from Kindle at http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004KSQX0O
These lines first appeared in this blog in March, 2001)
After his lawyers bailed out, O.J. has decided to represent himself in his civil judgment appeal. (LA Times) He didn't make a very good amateur surgeon. Maybe he'll click as an amateur lawyer.
Julia Roberts will wear a diamond necklace worth $2 million to the Oscars. (LA Times) If she wins, she'll thank her producer, her director and Harry Winston.
Engineers at CA's Six Flags Magic Mountain are placing the finishing touches on X-The Fourth Dimension, expected to be "the ultimate roller coaster experience." (AP) If you don't count Nasdaq.
Disney's "Princess of Thieves," a TV movie about Robin Hood's daughter, aired on ABC. (LA Times) Chip off the old block. She shops from the rich and gives to American Express.
Actor Tony Dow who played Wally on "Leave It To Beaver" is suing TV Land for using photos of him with tattoos on his chest. (LA Times) And just when his acting career was slipping into high gear.
According to TV's Extra!, the average pay phone mouthpiece harbors over 100 viruses. (LA Times) About the same as Dennis Rodman's tooth brush.
A Romanian pig farmer was attacked by his porkers who removed an ear, a testicle and part of his scalp. (LA Times) On the plus side, it was all caught on tape for The Jerry Springer Show.
Massachusetts, at 30%, has the highest number of Americans of Irish ancestry. (USA Today) And 77% of them are Kennedys.
A study by the American Psychological Association found that members of college fraternities don't drink more than non-Greeks after they graduate. (LA Times) They suddenly realize that peeing out the window of a house you have a mortgage on just doesn't seem to be as much fun.
Until next time, I leave you with the immortal words of Mrs. Groucho Marx who once said to Groucho "The secret word is not tonight."
(Excerpted from WakiLeaks 2001, first published in March, 2001. Download on Kindle at: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004KSQX0O)
