Wednesday 12/19/07

[] HAPPY NEW YEAR! Once again on January 1, Bob will be co-hosting with Anne Nicholson and Kelvin Reese, a 3-hour live broadcast from the Pasadena Rose Parade for 1.2 million blind and sight-impaired listeners nationwide. You can catch all the excitement on line at 8 am to 11 am Pacific:

Password: independence

SPRING THAW… A new series of campaign ads are intended to dispel the widespread perception that Hillary Clinton is “cold.” Aides decided to take action after her name kept surfacing at the global warming conference in Bali.

OXYMORON… Romney demanded that Huckabee apologize to Bush for accusing him of having an “arrogant bunker mentality” when it comes to Iraq. Actually, Bush should thank Mike. It’s not every day you hear “Bush” and “mentality” used in the same sentence.

CHEAT BEAT… Huckabee alluded to the Mormon belief that “Jesus and Satan were brothers.” Romney responded by calling Huckabee “another Bill Clinton.” And just when Giuliani thought he had the Republican adulterer vote all sewn up.

LOVIN’ IT… A McDonald’s near London’s Gatwick Airport imposes a $150 fine for using their parking lot longer than 45 minutes. That’s nothing. Drive-thru customers must place their order with Ronald within the required 60 seconds to disable tire-deflating spikes.
[] CHINA ON DVD! Join Bob as he returns to the Peoples Republic after 30 years! See Beijing’s Forbidden City and Great Wall, Xian’s Terra Cotta Warriors, Three Gorges, Yue Yang Tower, the Wuhan Museum, Mt. Jiu Hua, Old Shanghai and much more! Thirty-three minutes of sights and sounds of China. Send cash, check or MO for $US15 ($12+$3 S&H) to: Bob Mills China DVD 11684 Ventura Blvd. Suite 843, Studio City, CA 91604. Allow 2-4 weeks for delivery.

MILE WALK… Catholics in Sicily protested a holiday commercial showing the Three Wise Men bringing the baby Jesus gold, frankincense and a Red Bull Energy Drink. Worse, one of them appears to be riding Joe Camel.

SWEET POISON… Responding to stats indicating a sharp rise in childhood obesity, the Chicago School System has banned cupcakes from all student menus. And the ban is total. The kids aren’t even allowed to watch Elizabeth Hasselbeck on “The View.”

WINGED VICTORY… Air travel aficionados are gathering in Dayton, OH this week to celebrate the 104th anniversary of the Wright Brothers’ first flight. They’ll reconvene next week to mark the return of their luggage.

S.O.S. --- A 13-year old passenger aboard the Dawn Princess en route to Cabo San Lucas was airlifted by helicopter to the carrier USS Ronald Reagan for an emergency appendectomy after the ship‘s doctor ran short of anesthesia. Memo to Princess: Pack more anesthesia and less booze.


"And there is distrust in Washington. I am surprised, frankly, at the amount of distrust that exists in this town. And I'm sorry it's the case, and I'll work hard to try to elevate it."

George W. Bush 1/29/07 Washington, DC

ET TU, BABS?… Capping a long run engagement that earned $4 million while engrossing 3 million fans, Celine Dionne logged her final performance at Caesar’s Palace. In keeping with the Roman Emperor’s theme, Barbra Streisand came on stage and stabbed her.

FANTASIA… Fish and Game officials in Texas, California, Nevada, New York and Arkansas report a marked increase in automatic weapon assaults on wardens in the field. They attribute the violence to rural methamphetamine labs… marijuana cultivation in wooded areas… and an increase in gang activity among the wildlife.

RATATOUILLE… Naturalists conducting research with Conservation International have discovered a new species of rat, five times larger than normal rodents, in the Foja Mountains near Papua, New Guinea. Unlike urban sewer rats that just bite tourists, these use poison spear guns.

DECK THE HALLS… Two inmates slipped out of a Jersey City, NJ jail, leaving newspaper-stuffed dummies in their bunks, scaling a 30-foot wall, and crawling under 50 feet of razor wire, but not before leaving a note wishing the guards “Happy Holidays.“ Guards should have been alerted earlier when local volunteers staged their annual Christmas Pageant that featured Three Wise Men bearing gold, frankincense and a snub-nosed .38 carved out of soap.

[] For hundreds of authentic idiotic presidential quotes, check out “The George W. Bush Out of Office Countdown Handbook,” available at:

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