Wednesday 11/05/07

NO TABERNACLE CHOIR… Taking his cue from John F. Kennedy’s 1960 speech in which he assured voters that his lifelong Catholicism would not effect his actions as president, Mitt Romney is preparing to assure nervous Republican evangelicals that he won’t let his Mormonism color his Oval Office decisions. Regardless, say his aides, if Huckabee keeps gaining on him in the polls, he may become a Latter Day Southern Baptist.

STRIPPED EPAULETS… To appease critics of his dual role, Pakistan’s President Musharraf stepped down as Army chief and turned in his military uniform during a formal ceremony in Islamabad. In an uncharacteristic show of support for the move, Bush donated that phony pilot’s uniform he wore during his “Mission Accomplished” speech to the Salvation Army.

CHAMPS… A survey of 400,000 15-year olds in 57 countries administered by the Program for International Assessment of the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development found that youths in South Korea lead the world in reading skills while those in Taiwan excel in mathematics and Finland leads in science. US students were not entirely shut out, however, placing first in video gaming, cell phone text messaging, recreational binge drinking and hanging out.


“We want our teachers to be trained so they can meet the obligations, their obligations as teachers. We want them to know how to teach the science of reading in order to make sure there’s not this kind of federal -- federal cufflink.”

George W. Bush 3/30/00 Milwaukee, WIS

FIRST SEATING… In Southampton, England, Prince Charles is scheduled to Christen the new HMS Victoria, sister ship to the QM2 and the QE 2. Whilst he’s doing that, wife Camilla Parker Bowles will be on deck seven Christening the ship’s 300-foot midnight buffet table.

FORGIVE THEM FATHER… Nearing eighty and preparing to retire, televangelist Pat Robertson has turned over CEO duties at the Christian Broadcasting Network and its flagship “700 Club” to his son, Gordon. Who has already made some changes at the Club, adding a bar, a steam room and a racquet ball court.

LOW SODIUM… A new report from the National Transportation Safety Administration shows that on average, 41% of motor vehicle fatalities last year were alcohol-related with Hawaii clocking in highest at 52% and Utah lowest at 24%. But Utah more than makes up for its low alcohol-related deaths with drivers who die after turning into pillars of salt.
[] VISIT CHINA BY DVD! Experience the grandeur of the Peoples Republic, photographed during Bob’s return visit in June (He was last there in 1979 with Bob Hope). Included are breathtaking scenes of Tienanmen Square, the Forbidden City, the Summer Palace (Empress Dowager’s Marble Boat), the Great Wall and Sacred Way, Beijing’s hutongs, the silk carpet factory at Dongting , the Terra Cotta Warriors in Xian, the Jade Cave in Fengdu, the Yangtze’s Qutang and Wu Gorges, Three Gorges, Viking River Cruises School in Jingzhou, Yue Tang Tower at Dongting Lake, the Ceramic History Museum in Jingdezhen, the Buddhist Temple at Mt. Jiu Hua, Old City Wall at Nanjing, Suzhou’s Gardens, ancient artifacts in the Shanghai Museum, and scenes of Old Shanghai City -- 268 colorful digital photos of China and her people, expertly edited and set to a unique musical score.

For your copy, send cash, check or money order for $15 - ($12 + $3 P&H) to: Bob Mills: China DVD" 11684 Ventura Blvd., Suite 843, Studio City, CA 91604. (Allow 3-4 weeks for delivery)

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Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.