Wednesday 12/12/07

LIGHTNING ROUND… Longtime “Jeopardy” ringmaster Alex Trebek is reportedly okay after suffering what doctors are calling “a minor heart attack.” The operator who answered his 911 call was initially confused when Alex kept putting his call for help in the form of a question.

PANDEMIC… That pregnant Toledo, OH attorney who was reported missing, showed up, and claimed she’d been kidnapped, has recanted her story. I know what you’re thinking. Lawyers are allowed to procreate?

LUCKY LUCY… Las Vegas has allocated $15 million to create a Mob Museum to honor members of the Mafia who founded the desert oasis. Expected to be a real crowd pleaser is the “Offers That Couldn’t be Refused” wing which will feature wall-mounted severed horses’ heads.
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BOBBIN’ ALONG… Divers with the Hawaii Undersea Research Laboratory have discovered an unknown reef that is the home of what they believe may be a new species of deep sea sponge. They were stunned when they noticed that it appears to be wearing square pants.

NEW FISH… At his sentencing this week, canine impresario Michael Vick was given 23 months in prison and a $5000 fine. Forget the jail time --- that fine is guaranteed to give him nightmares in his Greystone Hotel bunk.

BALLROOM… Former Kansas City horsehide hurler Mark Lytell has invented what he claims is a safer, more comfortable athletic cup that sells for $19.95 and is named the “Nutty Buddy.” A top-of-the-line model in solid platinum is available at Tiffany’s in their Family Jewels section.
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"There are some similarities, of course, between Iraq and Vietnam. Death is terrible."

George W. Bush 4/19/07 Tipp City, OH
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SAY IT FAST… Denzel Washington and Forrest Whitaker co-star in MGM’s “The Great Debaters” which opened this week. It was scheduled to debut last month, but new prints had to be developed when someone noticed the original title was “The Master Debaters.”

EARLY BIRD… It’s been almost 20 years since Harrison Ford played Indiana Jones on the big screen, but he’s back tracking Russian agent Kate Blanchett in the jungles of Peru as they search for “The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.” Harrison, now 65, still does some of his own stunts, but keep a sharp eye out for these easy-to-miss age-appropriate production details:

1] Bull whip has an orthopedic grip
2] Leisure World logo on hat
3] Land Rover’s left turn signal flashes continually
4] Crystal skull located with GPS device in pacemaker
5] Skull found buried in abandoned Viagra mine

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