Wednesday 11/21/07

PRAZE D’LAWD… Romney says “Jesus Christ is my personal lord and savior“… Obama promises that he’ll be “an instrument of God”… McCain says “Christianity is an important part of our qualifications to lead”… and Hillary claims she experiences “the presence of the Holy Spirit on many occasions.” If Jesus isn’t collecting hefty royalties from all this, he’s the least business savvy redeemer in history.

OLE, PEPE!… The 200-torreador strong “Original Bullfighting Dwarfs” are popular additions to fairs and festivals throughout Mexico. And in the winter, they sneak across the Rio Grande to take the dwarf bullfighting jobs American dwarfs are unwilling to do.

UPRIGHT POSITION… The St. Louis airport has installed rocking chairs for passengers awaiting flights. Those in the Jet Blue waiting area can be delayed up to eight hours before being allowed to rock.

“We’ve tripled the amount of money --- I believe it’s from $50 million up to $195 million available.”

George W. Bush 3/23/02 Lima, Peru

GUTTENBERG’S RETREAT… A recent study conducted by the National Endowment of the Arts shows that less than 38% of Americans read at least one book for pleasure last year. Zero percent of sitting presidents.

GROSSLY PANDEMIC… The holiday classic “Love in the Time of Cholera” opened nationwide to a paltry $1.9 million. Prompting the producers to rethink the planned sequel, “Four Weddings and the Black Plague.”

BIONIC COLONIC… Viewers who tuned in for the second week of NBC’s mega-hyped “Bionic Woman” dropped 50%. Her fate is even worse than cancellation. She’s going to be disassembled.
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password: independence

RHYME MANGLERS… Voted best new rap hip hop band at this week’s “American Music Awards” was “Bone, Thugs-n-Harmony.” They barely edged out “Skin, Blood-n-Pointless Noise.”

YOU HAVE MAIL… A new book containing 289 letters exchanged between John Adams and his wife Abigail written during the founding of the republic was released this week. But the authenticity of “Dearest Friend: Letters of Abigail and John Adams” is facing a serious challenge. They were e-mails.

PAPER TIGER… Character actor Dick Wilson, who as Mr. Whipple pleaded with shoppers to “Please don’t squeeze the Charmin” from 1964 to 1985, has died at age 91. He lived out his life in relative obscurity after being fired by Kimberly-Clark for having an illicit affair with Madge the Manicurist.

“It’s in our country’s interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm’s way.”

George W. Bush 4/28/05 Washington DC

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