Monday 11/26/07

SUCH SWEET SORROW… Banned from sale in the United States since 1912, absinthe has been approved by the FDA. The 100+ proof, distilled from worm wood aperitif, was once described by Oscar Wilde as “… producing the ability to see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world.” Absinthe was the liquor of choice among 19th century French Bohemians and is widely believed to have been a major contributor to Vincent Van Gogh’s decision to lop off his ear. However, contrary to centuries-old belief, there appears to be no empirical evidence that absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.

WORD PLAY… Film stars Michael York, Stacey Keach, Louis Gossett, Jr., Terence Stamp and Oscar-winner Marisa Tomei voice the biblical characters in an audio CD of the King James version of the New Testament. Titled “Word of Promise,” the boxed set sells for $49.99. Major credit here goes to the William Morris Agency who, after decades of unsuccessful attempts, were finally able to sign Jesus as a client. After the Big Guy caved, the others quickly followed --- Peter, Paul, Mary Magdalaine --- who wanted to be billed on the promotional tour as “Peter, Paul and Mary,” but were dissuaded by Morris’s legal department which also was instrumental in convincing Moses that he couldn’t have his contract carved on stone tablets.

HOORAY NRA … A 24-year old firearms enthusiast accidentally deposited a fatal bullet in his head while preparing to get in some target practice at a Riverside, CA firing range. The unfortunate incident provides even further evidence, if such be necessary, that “Guns don’t kill people. People practicing to kill people with a gun kill people.”

“It was a day in paradise.”

Fred Thompson 11/24/07 At a Ladson, SC gun show


PRELUDE TO ‘08?... In a major repudiation of Bush and his policies, Australians overwhelmingly rejected Prime Minister John Howard at the polls and elected leftist Paul Rudd to replace him. Rudd immediately issued a statement that his first act as PM would be to withdraw all troops from Iraq and sign the Keyoto Protocol, leaving the US the lone holdout. Rudd means business. He’s even demanded that Bush return the Australian sheepskin seat cover on his bicycle.

ANATOMICALLY CORRECT… One2believe.com offers Moses and Mary dolls at $20 a copy. Press a button on her back and Mary announces “With God, all things are possible.” For $30, she’ll add two choruses of the Notre Dame fight song.

RESTED, ROBED & READY… The pope has consecrated 23 new cardinals. Reported AP: “To the applause of the crowd, each knelt down before Benedict, who from a gilded papal throne on the altar of St. Peter’s Basilica, placed a red hat on each man’s head. Tomorrow, he’ll give each new “prince” of the Church his cardinal’s ring.” Gone unreported are the numerous perks that accompany the elevation, including:

1] Upgrade to First Class on papal air carrier Blessed Virgin Atlantic
2] Two-For-One coupons at Papa John XXIII’s Pizza in Castle Gondolfo
3] Unlimited 900 calls and Latin text messaging
4] Penthouse suites at Vatican’s hotel chain, Day’s Room at the Inn
5] Cut rate ecclesiastical outfits at official Church clothier, Immaculate Hart, Shaftner & Marx


“I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport.”

George W. Bush 10/3/01 Washington, DC

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