Eliminated from World Cup competition by Ghana, the US soccer team has withdrawn its appeal of that goal-robbing call in their previous game -- which is still believed to be the worst ruling against an American team since that umpire ejected Kate Hudson from the Yankee bullpen.
A recent study shows the total prison population in the US has declined for the first time since 1982. Experts credit a lower recidivism rate, better job training and widespread fear among criminals of having to bunk with Bernie Madoff, Phil Spector or that weird Kennedy cousin.
A recent study showed that surgeries performed in July are the most likely to go wrong. In particular specialties, proctologists have most of their mishaps in December -- thought be caused by their humming “Over the River and Through the Woods” during the procedure.
A survey commissioned by the CDC shows that the average American ingests 3500 milligrams of sodium daily -- twice that recommended for good health. In biblical times, to get that much salt in one’s system, you had to look back over your shoulder at Sodom and Gomorrah.
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Excerpted From THE LAUGH MAKERS
Perry Como hosted The Kraft Music Hall from 1959 to 1967 and had posted some high chart stats with hits like "Catch a Falling Star," "Papa Loves Mambo," "Don't Let the Stars Get in Your Eyes" and "It's Impossible." Perry was a laid-back former barber, who like Dean Martin, spent most of his time on the golf course. Also like Dean, he loved singing but didn't care to get overly involved with other elements of his show- like rehearsing. (Dean actually preferred to study a tape of Greg Garrison, his producer, rehearsing in his place!)
Perry's musical director, Ray Charles (who was nicknamed "the Sighted One") told me that Perry was loath to rehearse the comedy bits on his show and would wing it, just reading his lines so he could get back on the tenth tee. But, said Charles, it never seemed to matter. Perry would read his lines straight and became adept in sketches since that's just the delivery they require. I learned what Ray meant while working with Perry on our Scar Wars sketch. During dress rehearsal, he drifted over to me, impressive in his Luke Sleepwalker costume and holding his light saber which he was about to use to try to decapitate Barf Vader. He whispered as though a little embarrassed, "Bob, can I ask you a question?" I said "Sure, Perry," thinking he was having a problem with a line - although he had seemed confident reading Barney's cards. Sheepishly, he said, "I've been out on the course a lot lately and may have missed something. Is this sketch based on a movie?" Later, in his stand-up spot with Hope, he would give us this classic outtake for our blooper special:
HOPE: And now it's my pleasure
to introduce a real novelty -
an Italian who sings. Ladies and
gentlemen, Perry Como!an Italian who sings. Ladies and
(Music: "Come Along With Me")
PERRY: Thank you, Robert. But for your
information, all Italians don't sing, you know.
HOPE: Really?
PERRY: How about a guy like - no -
(starts over) All Italians
don't sing, you know - how about Sophia Loren?
HOPE: You doing a monologue?
I thought I had a line in there
someplace. (Perry laughs) And
you did it twice. You do
your own retakes, or what?
By this point, Perry was laughing so hard, he was holding on to Hope for support. The clip made it onto our blooper reel and has replayed on the air several times. Perry was a kind, gentle, sweet man.
Clattering Antlers
Our major challenge each year was coming up with fresh ideas for sketches that wouldn't recall chestnuts from the past. Of course, Santa sketches were always sure bets, but before sticking a red suit and beard on Hope, we had to make sure we had a new spin as in this 1985 outing in which Angie Dickinson - in her role as Police Woman - arrests him on suspicion of burglary:
HOPE: (spotting plate near tree):
Ummm, my favorite - prune-flavored
Ding Dongs.
ANGIE: (surprising him, with gun): Okay,
fat boy, drop your Ding Dong!
And don't think Hope didn't have to dance around the Yule Log with the censors to save that one. For our 1980 show, we dipped him in plastic and cast him as a department store mannequin opposite former M*A*S*H nurse, Loretta Swit. The store has closed at day's end, and they realize they're alone:
LORETTA: Have you ever
been married?
HOPE: Almost. Once. We were
modeling in bathroom supplies.
She was the Liquid Plumber Girl,
and I was the Tidy Bowl Man.
We were meant for each other.
LORETTA: What happened?
HOPE: I guess it all went down
the drain.
Yule Chimes
Hope had introduced the classic "Silver Bells," the Jay Livingston and Ray Evans classic, in the movie The Lemon Drop Kid and he sang it on every Christmas special - in a different setting - with duet mates ranging from Olivia Newton-John, Katherine Crosby, Loretta Swit, Bonnie Franklin and Melissa Manchester to Winona Judd, Reba McEntire, Dolly Parton, Marie Osmond and - whenever the featured female guest was tone deaf - his wife, Dolores.
This holiday format held Hope in good stead for over forty years, and, despite the onset of his declining health in the early nineties, NBC continued airing some sort of Hope Christmas special until 1994 when he took down the holly and the mistletoe for the final time, leaving no doubt that he had become an integral part of Christmas for millions of Americans.
Tomorrow: Introducing Hope to modern technology
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