FRI, SAT, SUN, June 11, 12, 13

LAFFS From The PAST   From our issue dated June 12, 2000

Regis Philbin has introduced his new line of menswear called Regis by Van Heusen.   The shirts are available in three patterns -- plain, striped and cashier's checks.

A study released by the Harvard School of Public Health shows that campus alcohol abuse rose a whopping 24.3% last year with the University of Wisconsin copping top honors.   Officials became suspicious when several highly ranked universities began granting R.S.V.P. degrees.

Scientists from the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution have discovered a large deposit of gas trapped beneath the mid-Atlantic sea floor.    A tanker leased from Exxon is steaming to the area loaded with 460,000 gallons of Mylanta.  

Ellery Chun who invented the Hawaiian shirt in 1931 passed away in Honolulu at the age of 91.    Following a brief memorial service, he was buried in a special section of the cemetery beside the inventors of the leisure suit, earth
shoes and the Mao jacket.

Johnny Carson has donated $100,000 to help build a new senior citizen's center in his hometown of Norfolk, VA.  Not to be overshadowed by his former boss, Ed MacMahon gave $100 to the Alpo Home for Aging Canines in Barstow.
   
According to an annual survey of international travelers, the top five airports in the world are Copenhagen, Changi, Singapore, Helsinki, Vancouver and Manchester, England.    Dead last: Belfast's Crossfire International.

Until next time, I leave you with the immortal words of Babe Ruth who was overheard telling a girl in a singles bar, "Right now I'm the Sultan of Swat but I'd really like to direct."

_______________________________

Excerpted From THE LAUGH MAKERS  

Glee for Two
 
Another vaudeville-born device we used often was the “comedy duet,” where, at several points throughout the number, the performers stopped singing to deliver jokes, usually in the familiar straightline-punchline format.  In a 1978 special entitled “A Tribute to the Palace Theater,” our studio had been transformed into a replica of New York’s Palace Theater, the Holy Grail of all vaudevillians.

The special was produced by Sheldon Keller, a devoted vaude-afficionado (my word, but descriptive) and the lines throughout the show reflected his distinctive style. His writing partners, Howard Albrecht and Sol Weinstein (a team I had worked with on the “Dean Martin Roasts“), also shared writing credit. The music of this duet performed by Hope and George Burns was written by Sol Weinstein. It’s entitled “That’s the Way It Was in Vaudeville,” and I consider it a truly remarkable reflection of the spirit of the era it honors.

The set was a small-town railroad depot, circa 1928. The boys wore brown tweed suits and bowler hats. Each had a cane he would use throughout the number. As the gold-tasseled red velvet curtain rose, they were revealed along with two large steamer-trunks, Hope standing and George sitting. When the music begins, they don their bowlers and move forward to center-stage.

(Music: up)

HOPE/BURNS: (sing) Hat, cane, trunk, train... that’s the way it was in vaudeville... (Softshoe) Song cue, softshoe, that’s the way it was in vaudeville... They loved us in the cities, they loved us in the sticks, we didn’t mind the vegetables, but when they threw the bricks...Laughs, frowns, tank towns, that’s the way it was in vaudeville...

BURNS: Mamaroneck, Saranac, Scranton and Canton...

HOPE: Austin and Boston, Racine, yes I mean...

HOPE/BURNS: That’s the way it was in vaudeville...

BURNS: Ashville and Nashville, Nogales and Dallas,

HOPE: Detroit and Beloit, Kankakee, don’t you see?

HOPE/BURNS: That’s the way it was in vaudeville.

(Music:out)

HOPE: (Speaks) Vaudeville... what an era.

BURNS: But it wasn’t all fun and games. Bob.

HOPE: I know what you mean. Remember some of those small town we had to play?

BURNS: You remember Zyszx, Nevada?

HOPE: Do I remember Zyszx? Just saying it used to clear up my sinuses.

BURNS: That town was so small, the trains only stopped there once a week... just to laugh.

HOPE: It was so tiny, the electric company was four batteries and a jar of fireflies.

BURNS: But what made vaudeville worthwhile was some of the unusual acts we worked with.  Like “The Great Maurice“... half-man and half-woman. It was fine until one night he was arrested for making a pass at himself.

HOPE: I remember the case. At the last minute, he dropped the charges. But the most unique act of them all was “Knock-Knees Needleman,” the original one-man-band.

BURNS: Yeah, nobody could follow him.

HOPE: He had a pair of cymbals strapped to his knees, a harmonica in his mouth, base drums on both hips, mallets on his elbows, and if that wasn’t enough, he tapped danced on a Wurlitzer to the tune of Tchaikovsky’s “Nutcracker Suite.”
 
BURNS: That kid had to belong to about six unions.

HOPE: (ad-lib) That’s the longest straight-line I’ve ever had. But in his prime, the poor guy was struck by a bolt of lightning and died in the key of F.

BURNS: I remember his last request was to be buried dressed in his instruments. And while they were lowering him, a windstorm came up and he played at his own funeral.

HOPE: Where else but in a free America?

Continued next Week 

Order THE LAUGH MAKERS on line:

http://www.amazon.com/LAUGH-MAKERS-Behind-Scenes-Incredible/product-reviews/1593933231/ref=cm_cr_pr_link_2?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=0&pageNumber=2

Also available in an unabridged audio version read by the author: 

http://www.audible.com/adbl/site/products/ProductDetail.jsp?BV_SessionID=@@@@0545479184.1272211432@@@@&BV_EngineID=cccjadekfdmleefcefecekjdffidfmf.0&productID=BK_BEAR_000001
 
UK orders:

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