Dallas, TX -- Laura Bush launched the National Parks Foundation’s “First Bloom Program,” which encourages gardening among urban school children. The opening ceremony concluded with a live demonstration of “drive-by pruning.”
Washington, DC -- During his visit next week, Pope Benedict XVI will motorcade from the White House, up Pennsylvania Avenue, along Rock Creek Parkway, and up Massachusetts Avenue to the Vatican Embassy. He may make one stop to lay a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Molested Altar Boy.
Washington, DC -- An internal audit has revealed that employees of the Veterans Administration charged $2.6 million to the government for vacations, casino visits, parties, designer clothes and purchases from Sharper Image. In their defense, they were testing Sharper Image’s new “Limp-Master,“ combination air purifier, FM radio and leg prosthesis.
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QUOTH THE NITWIT…
“If you don’t have any ambitions, the minimum wage job isn’t going to get you where you want to get, for example. In other words, what is your ambitions? And oh, by the way, if that is your ambition, here’s what it’s going to take to achieve it.”____________________________________________________
George W. Bush
8/29/2002 Little Rock, ARK
New York, NY -- After several officers were found to be obtaining performance enhancing drugs from an illegal supplier, the New York Police Department will now randomly test cops for steroids. And you thought it was the donuts.
St. Paul, MINN -- This city may extend bar hours to 4 am during the Republican National Convention. This would be in addition, of course, to the usual hooker moratorium.
Olympia, WA -- Evergreen State College paid $51,000 for damage to police cars following a college sponsored hip hop concert. Seems P. Diddy fans were outraged by the appointment of Snoop Dogg to the schools’ prestigious Eminem Chair in Music.
Stevens Point, WIS -- The University of Wisconsin is hosting the 39th annual Trivia Contest which will run for 54 straight hours without interruption. Who hosted the General Electric College Bowl in the 1960’s? (*Answer below)
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[] FREE E-BOOK! Excerpts from Bob's new book "THE LAUGH MAKERS: Memories of a Writer for Bob Hope" are now available FREE on line. This month's installment is entitled "The Bob Hope Show in China" and recounts the comedian's history-making visit to China in July 1979, the first American entertainer allowed to tape a special in the Peoples Republic after Nixon restored diplomatic relations in 1974. In light of the Olympics and Tibet currently in the news, you'll marvel at the changes that have taken place in China over the past 30 years. Of course, there are plenty of laughs, too, so you won't want to miss these backstage stories and anecdotes. It's a great read!
www.laughmakers.blogspot.com ________________________________________________________________________
Newfane, VT -- Sheriff captain Heidi Nelson has been charged with having a sexual relationship with a 17 year old student in her law enforcement class at Brattleboro High School. But in Heidi’s defense, she demonstrated proper arrest protocol by arresting herself in class.
Pleasant View, VT -- Firefighters dousing flames in a home fire discovered $78,000 worth of marijuana growing in the basement. And it was potent. Three of the responding fire laddies have already quit to form a rock group.
Athens, TX -- Three middle school students were beaten up when they brought a poster to class that read: “If you love your nation, stop illegal immigration!” The principal of Lou Dobbs Junior High was at a loss to explain the violence.
Hannibal, MO -- No longer able to pass seaworthiness tests, the historic sternwheeler “Delta Queen” will be scrapped after making farewell stops at cities along the Mississippi. Sad news for John McCain who as a boy, met Mark Twain while working as a stoker on board the famous showboat.
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[] You can comment on anything you read in this blog. Just scrolldown until you come to the "Post a comment" icon at the end of this post. _______________________________________________________________________
Shreveport, LA -- A 31-year old fire-eating stripper at the Déjà Vu Hustler Club set herself aflame during her act. Showing an exemplary concern for safety, firemen took turns patting out the hot spots.
Windsor Locks, CN -- Police are searching for a man who held up the Elm Street Package Store with an umbrella. Police issued an all points bulletin for the suspect described as armed, dangerous… and dry.
West Lafayette, IND -- The Purdue Society of Professional Engineers won the annual Rube Goldberg contest with a 156-step hamburger making machine. Which came close to perfection, omitting only 20 of the 112 sesame seeds considered acceptable for a bun.
Wichita, KS -- A Wichita State University study shows that airline performance records are at a twenty year low with American, Northwest and US Airways boasting the worst on-time records, Delta with the most bumps, and American Eagle and Com Air raking up the most lost luggage. Worst record for being shot down shortly after takeoff: Air Baghdad.
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[] Catch Bob's weekly on-line radio show "INSIDE TELEVISION" for the latest articles, celebrity profiles and interviews Thursday mornings from 8:20 to 9:00 am. PDT. LARRS, the all-volunteer, commercial free, non-profit Los Angeles Radio Reading Service is 24-hour Newsradio for the Blind, an affiliate of Minnesota's Radio Talking Book Network. Check it out. We welcome your support.
www.larrs.org password: intelligence
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Atlanta, GA -- Atlanta, Newark, Philadelphia and New York now offer medical services at airport clinics, treating passengers with time to kill during layovers. Convenience plus. You can now score a quickie colonoscopy while they’re searching for your luggage.
Moundsville, WV -- Marshall High School advisor Nicole Shipman was suspended for one day for referring to a student as “trailer trash.” Could have been worse. “Poor white trash” draws a three day hiatus.
San Francisco, CA -- A study has shown that an increasing number of bloggers are so dedicated to their work, they develop poor eating and health habits, suffer from insomnia, and sometimes die at their computers. Well, I think I’m ready for a little break.
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[] BULLETIN! To catch major, late-breaking headlines the moment they hit the street, check the "Bereft On The Left" blog often. To insure that you don't miss a beat, it's a smart idea to add the blog to your "Favorites" list.
www.bereftontheleft.blogspot.com
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* Answer to trivia question: Allan Ludden
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