Ready... Aim...

[] The plane carrying Condoleezza Rice was delayed landing in Baghdad due to hostile ground fire. (Cable News Network 10/5)

Seems a couple of our lads whose tour of duty was extended decided that real bullets for the secretary's usual 21-gun salute would be in order.


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[] Foley's lawyer told reporters that his client is a long-time alcoholic. (USA Today 10/3)

"Grossly insulting to legitimate alcholics," said Hyman Bloomberg, spokesman for Mel Gibson.


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[] Malibu septic tanks are suspected as the source of contamination flowing into the bay. (USA Today 10/5)

Until now, no one knew what happened to old scripts from failed prime-time sitcoms.


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[] Los Angeles Laker coach Phil Jackson is recouperating from successful hip replacement surgery. (USA Today 10/5)

The operation was a snap. The hard part was finding a willing donor among his benched players.


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[] Barton County Kansas Community College track coach Lance Brauman was sentenced to a year in federal prison for embezzlement. (USA Today 10/3)

His trial was delayed. The FBI had to press some of his team members into service to help run him down.


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[] Tennessee Titans defensive lineman Albert Haynesworth stomped on Dallas Cowboy center Andre Gurode's face, inflicting wounds requiring thirty sutures to close. (USA Today 10/3)

And to make matters worse, he was clearly offsides.


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[] Despite being winless since 1995, Patrick McEnroe has been signed to coach the US Davis Cup team for another two years. (USA Today 10/3)

Kind of like hiring Rumsfeld to teach Anti-Insurgency Warfare at West Point.


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[] The New York Metropolitan Transportation Authority will soon install sensors that will analyze air in the coaches for toxic substances. (USA Today 10/4)

Up until now, they've only had one for urine.


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[] Rice claims she "doesn't remember" a pre-9/11 al Qaida warning from the CIA.(USA Today 10/3)

And, as a demonstration of her good faith, she's checked herself into a convenient lapse of memory rehab clinic.


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[] The late Sonny Bono and his wife, Mary, worked closely with Congressman Foley to boost ties between Republicans and the Hollywood community. (USA Today 10/3)

But they could come up with only one convert----Michael Jackson.


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[] Little Rock, Arkansas officials have replaced "City of Roses" with "The Rock" as the city's official nickname. (USA Today 10/3)

Trading names with Alcatraz, now known as "Rose Island."


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[] Catholic Supreme Court justices Roberts, Scalia, Kennedy and Thomas attended a "Red Mass" at the Cathedral of St. Matthew the Apostle in Washington. (USA Today 10/2)

The "red" in red mass symbolizes the blood splattered about when they slice the balls off of the Separation of of Church and State doctrine.


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