[] The Smithsonian National Museum is featuring an exhibit entitled "Hip-Hop Won't Stop: The Beat, The Rhyme, The Life." (USA Today 10/13)
... The Meaningless Noise, The Mindless Repetition, The Gratuitous Profanity, The Atrocious Grammar, The Ostentatious Gold Jewelry, The Tasteless Tattoos, The Dead Cops... "
_________________________________________________
[] U-2's Bono hitched a ride last week with Bush on Air Force One. (Cable News Network 10/12)
He was in town to sound mix his latest CD: "He May Be a Douche Bag But He's Our Prez."
_________________________________________________
[] Congressman Bob Ney pleads guilty to federal corruption charges. He's the fourth Republican to resign in disgrace this year. (Cable News Network 10/13)
On a brighter note, Bob's now in the running with Cunningham, DeLay and Foley for the coveted Richard Nixon Toxic Pond Scum Trophy.
_________________________________________________
[] Mel Gibson told Diane Sawyer that he sprinkled water on his hair so his mug shot "wouldn't look like Nick Nolte's." (ABC News 10/12)
But more like Paris Hilton's.
_________________________________________________
[] Pedigree and Good Humor are teaming up to produce an ice cream sandwich for dogs. (Cable News Network 10/12)
Only two flavors at first----My Balls and Kitty Poo.
_________________________________________________
[] Madonna has applied to adopt an orphan in Malawai. (AP 10/11)
If she's turned down, she' says she'll buy one from Angelina Jolie.
_________________________________________________
[] Kathy Lee Gifford will play Miss Hannigan in "Annie." (Associated Press 10/14)
In the new version, the exploited orphans work in a Taiwanese sweat shop.
_________________________________________________
[] Entertainment Tonight's Mary Hart who was first hired in 1982 has been signed for another two years. (USA Today 10/10)
To put her career in perspective, her first interview was Cher with her original face.
_________________________________________________
[] Bush and Hastert appeared together at a GOP fund-raiser in Chicago. (Cable News Network 10/12)
Now they're looking for Republican candidates willing to take the dough.
_________________________________________________
"The Foley affair is a maraschino cherry atop the Democrats' delectable sundae of Republican miseries."
George Will in the Washington Post
_________________________________________________
[] Superbowl officials are asking fans to submit ideas for a 30-second commercial to be aired during the game. (USA Today 10/16)
Anything goes except a wardrobe malfunction.
_________________________________________________
[] Harley-Davidson will soon begin selling beef jerkey. (USA Today 10/10)
With plans to add other food items later including hell's angel hair pasta.
_________________________________________________
[] New Yorkers were surprised to learn that private planes are allowed to fly freely above the city. (Cable News Network 10/12)
A practice that began back in 1937 when Mayor LaGuardia granted that exemption to Superman.
_________________________________________________
[] Republican Senator Christopher Shays compared the Foley scandal to Chappaquiddick "only nobody died." (Cable News Network 10/12)
If you don't count GOP rallying cries of family values, scripture-dipping and gay bashing.
_________________________________________________
[] Muslim cabbies in Minneapolis are refusing to pick up passengers carrying alcohol. (USA Today 10/11)
Unless it's in a Molotov cocktail.
_________________________________________________
[] Sean "P. Diddy" Combs has teamed with Burger King. (USA Today 10/11)
New menu item: the Double Cheese Heavy Gold Jewelry Whopper.
_________________________________________________
[] Young South African babblers emerging from their nests increase survival rates by responding to their parents' calls to the best foraging sites. (USA Today 10/11)
North American Babblers are trained to survive by watching "Live With Regis and Kelly."
_________________________________________________
[] After a visit to violence-torn Baghdad, Sen. John Warner concluded that the war in Iraq is "drifting sideways." (Cable News Network 10/10)
Warner hasn't unleashed a shocker like that since he announced he was marrying Liz Taylor.
_________________________________________________
[] Top British general in Iraq says, "We've kicked in the door, now it's time to leave." (Cable News Network 10/13)
He's the commander of the elite 108th Bruce Lee-Tony Lama Royal Cavaliers.
_________________________________________________
[] US experts have dismissed the idea, believed initially, that the North Korean nuclear test may have been faked. (Associated Press 10/14)
Gives you a sense of security, doesn't it? These guys can't find weapons of mass destruction even when they're there.
_________________________________________________
[] Gerald Ford was admitted to the Eisenhower Medical Center for tests. (USA Today 10/13)
Complaining of dizziness, an irregular heartbeat, and an uncontrollable desire to pardon Dennis Hastert.
_________________________________________________
Address comments to: Jokesmith@peoplepc.com
A Longtime Bob Hope Joke Writer Presents Daily Insightful Topical Satire Of Current Events (Illustrated) Plus Rare Photos From Hollywood's Bygone Era And Excerpts From THE LAUGH MAKERS By Robert L. Mills -- Color Photos From the Book and Rare Classic Vintage Video Clips! Send Your Show Biz Questions to "ASK BOB" at: TheLaughMakers@GMail.com
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BOB HOPE'S 1983 U.S. COLLEGE CAMPUS TOUR: Your Alma Mater Here?
"Having spent twenty years writing for the indefatigable Bob Hope, and traveling all over the world, Bob Mills is well qualified to salute the famous corps of gag men who kept the comedian knee-deep in jokes. These first-hand recollections summon up the final phase of Hope’s career—and the end of the trail for an entire brand of show business."
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THE LAUGH MAKERS is now on KINDLE! (And Kindle equipped devices)
Download THE LAUGH MAKERS to your Kindle within one minute (for $2.99) by clicking on this link:
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WakiLeaks: History Declassified 2000 (Vol. One) is now available on Kindle for $2.99
Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004IZLXIQ
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0041D9EPO
And if you're not yet a Kindle owner, when you purchase your new lower-priced Kindle with a capacity of 3500 books, be sure to sign up for our daily blog so you won't miss one issue of the web's most entertaining and insightful comments on the day's events... or a single serialized installment of THE LAUGH MAKERS. Order your Kindle today!
WakiLeaks: History Declassified 2000 (Vol. One) is now available on Kindle for $2.99
Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004IZLXIQ
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