Ecclesiasticatastrophe

[] Turkey and Pakistan condemn Pope Benedict XVI, likening him to Hitler and Mussolini for calling Islam's founder "evil and inhuman." Said Turkey's Deputy Prime Minister, "He has a dark mentality that comes from the darkness of the Middle Ages... the result of pitiful ignorance." (Associated Press 9/16)

Also the result of hiring Ann Coulter as a speechwriter.

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[] A Senate panel led by Senators John McCain, John Warner and Lindsey Graham rejected Bush's interpretation of the Geneva Convention rules. (New York Times 9/15)

Bush reportedly told an aide, "I didn't even know about the convention and, even if I did, I wouldn't have attended it anyway."

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[] Victims of spinach-borne e.coli bacteria reaches 109----more brands recalled. (USA Today 9/18)

Under his interpretation of the Geneva Convention, Bush ordered the CDC to put the thumbscrews to the Jolly Green Giant until he comes clean.

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[] A judge in Miami sentenced an 87-year old woman to 31 years in prison for murder. (Associated Press 9/16)

"I'll die before I can serve 31 years," said Maria Otero. "Do the best you can," said the judge.

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[] L. W. McNutt, Jr., who as president of the Colin Street Bakery built the company into the world's largest mail-order fruit cake distributor, passed away at age 81. (Los Angeles Times 9/16)

He won't be buried or cremated----he'll be stored in the freezer.

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[] Allegations of fraud leveled by the N.C.A.A. could cost Heisman winner Reggie Bush his trophy. (Los Angeles Times 9/16)

Worse, he could be forced to give it to O.J.

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[] The British government has imparted "protected heritage" status on a Liverpool basement where the Beatles first performed together. (Associated Press 9/16)

Still awaiting approval is the Soho pub where Yoko Ono coldcocked Paul McCartney.

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[] Officials in Iraq plan to dig a 60-mile-long trench around Baghdad to keep out insurgents. (New York Times 9/16)

Once they get the water in it, Australia has promised them an unlimited supply of crocodiles.

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[] John Gotti, Jr. has written a childrens book in prison. (CBS News 9/15)

Entitled "The Grinch Who Whacked Lucky Luciano."

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[] Ford has discontinued production of the Lincoln Town Car. (CBS News 9/15)

After saving a black one to take executives to the company's funeral.

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[] A 3,000-year old slab found in Veracruz, Mexico is the oldest script ever discovered in the Western Hemisphere. (New York Times 9/15)

If you don't count the pilot script for "Murder She Wrote."

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[] With support from the N.R.A., the state of Wyoming is seeking federal approval of its policy allowing husbands convicted of beating their wives to own a gun. (Associated Press 9/16)

Hey, it's not like these guys held up a bank or something.

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[] NASA's QuickScat satellite shows that the Arctic's perennial sea ice has lost an area the size of Texas. (Associated Press 9/16)

Would that it had actually been Texas.

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[] For the first time, scientists have deciphered the genetic code of a tree. (Associated Press 9/16)

They began by studying the personality of Sen. Bill Frist and worked back.

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[] Michele Wei finished last in the 84 Lumber Classic, the sixth consecutive PGA event in which she's missed the cut. (Los Angeles Times 9/16)

Nike and Sony won't ask for their $10 million back, but they'd appreciate it if she'd remove their logos from her stuff.

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[] Andrew Lloyd Webber will stage a production of "The Sound of Music" in London. (Associated Press 9/18)

That low rumble you hear is the sound of Rogers and Hammerstein in full spin mode.

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