Monday 10/29/07

CROSSING THE LINE… The Senate Judiciary Committee is threatening to block Mukasey’s confirmation as attorney general unless he agrees to define water boarding as torture---which, he has insisted so far, only includes being strapped naked to Ann Coulter.

DUCK!… Cheney spent the weekend in New York stalking ducks with fellow nimrods at the Hudson River Valley Hunt Club. Which, rumor has it, releases birds who are trained to welcome their members as “liberators.”

WHEN YOU’RE SMILING… Maj. Gen. Rick Lynch, commander of the 3rd Infantry Division, says of the insurgents in Kabala: “There are indeed inter-Shia rivalries where different groups are trying to be in charge and sometimes revert to violence---but not at the magnitude that’s got me concerned.” Maybe you remember Rick from his old job at Mad Magazine?
_____________________________________
“I want to thank the astronauts who are with us, the courageous spatial entrepreneurs who set such a wonderful example for the young of our country.”

George W. Bush 1/14/04 Washington DC
_____________________________________
[] For hundreds of authentic idiotic quotes like this, check out “The George W. Bush Out of Office Countdown Handbook,” available at:
www.sourcebooks.com
_____________________________________

PUTTIN’ ON THE RITZ… Larry Craig claims in his appeal that men’s room “foot tapping” among consenting adults is free speech. Called by prosecutors the “Fred Astaire Defense,” it hasn’t worked yet, but I’m for anything that keeps the Craigster in the news as long as possible.

STAG PARTY… Leonardo Da Vinci’s “The Last Supper” is now viewable online in crystal clear, 16 billion pixels at:
www.haltadefinizione.com
Among the tiny details heretofore unnoticed:
1] Everyone is wearing Birkenstocks
2] Thirty pieces of silver is actually 29 pieces and a crumpled gum wrapper
3] Stains on Peter’s tunic show he ordered a medium loaves and fishes pizza with anchovies
4] Naked Mary Magdalene hiding in cake
5] Jesus has a tattoo that says “Born to Raise the Dead”
6] Logo on napkins says “Olive Garden”
7] Wine ordered was a mediocre vintage 23 cabernet.
8] Mark and Luke appear to be playing footsy under the table
9] Tip at bottom of bill reads: “Buy IBM”
10] Sign on wall reads: “So Shirt, No Shoes, No Salvation”
______________________________________
[] FREE MEMBERSHIP: Subscribers in California, Las Vegas, Chicago, Washington,
DC, New York and Boston (or those planing to visit) are invited to join Goldstar
Events, a website offering drastically reduced tickets to major entertainment venues including live theater, comedy, sports, music and much more! Your FREE MEMBERSHIP includes e-mail notification of events opening near you. You'll love this online service that allows you to print your own tickets, often for about the cost of a
movie! Check it out now!

https://www.goldstarevents.com/join?p=F471918RP
______________________________________

WORD WONKS WALK… Chances are almost certain that Hollywood script writers will vote to strike this week. If they’re true to form, picketing will most likely be delayed while they engage in extensive rewrites of what will appear on their signs.

SEAT MATES… Bamboo International has recalled one million “Baby Sitter” infant carriers after reports of several injuries. All but eclipsing last week’s recall of 200,000 Britney Spears “’Lil Driver” car seats which reportedly flings the kid into the mother’s lap at the first sign of a process server.
______________________________________
[] BULLETIN! To catch late-breaking headlines the moment they hit the street, check this blog often. To insure that you don't miss a beat, it's a smart idea to add us to your "Favorites" list.
www.bereftontheleft.blogspot.com