Quagmyra Breckenridge

[] New Bush Iraq war plan calls for "benchmarks" that will dictate the rate of US troop withdrawal. (CBS News 10/22)

So many by Cheney's indictment... so many by Bush's impeachment... so many by Rumsfeld's execution... and so on...

_________________________________________________


[] On-field violence this season is highlighting NFL pileups that are often referred to as "torture chambers." (USA Today 10/26)

On a more positive note, several engagements have resulted.

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[] Preakness winner Bernardini is an 8-5 favorite to win the Breeders Cup. (USA Today 10/26)

Not to be confused with longtime papal nuncio Pasquale Cardinal Bernardini who is referred to by many of his colleagues as a "pontiff-in-waiting."

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[] An Israeli jet fired on a German warship patrolling the coast of Lebanon. (USA Today 10/26)

The Germans should have known better than to name it the Bismark.

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[] And speaking of names, officials in Bangladore, India have renamed it "Bengaluru." (USA Today 10/26)

Which barely edged out "Googleville" and "Toshiba Laptopuru."

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[] Iraq's top US general Casey says, "'Operation Together Forward' has not met our overall expectations." (USA Today 10/20)

Wait 'til he sees "Operation Impeach the Commander-in-chief."

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[] New York taxi rates will increase from twenty to forty cents a minute for idle time spent in traffic. (USA Today 10/26)

And the "pickup rejection" symbol will increase from one middle finger to two.

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[] A new study shows that an average driver could save $396 per year on gasoline expenses by losing 100 pounds. (USA Today 10/25)

Researchers studied Mafia drivers with and without a body in the trunk.

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[] Shaquille O'Neal, a deputy reserve sheriff, participated in a child porn raid which turned out to be at the wrong home. (USA Today 10/25)

In lieu of a lawsuit, the victims settled for Shaq personally inscribing their mug shots.

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[] Rush Limbaugh accused Michael J. Fox of "going off his meds" before apopearing in a Democratic campaign commercial. (USA Today 10/25)

Hey, if anyone is an expert on meds, it's Rushbo.

_________________________________________________


[] Cheney tells Limbaugh "If you look at the general overall situation, our troops are doing remarkably well." (Los Angeles Daily News 10/22)

Overall, the Hindenburgh was doing fine, too----and then...

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Q: What's the Spanish word for "700 mile fence"?

A: Clothesline.

_________________________________________________


[] Mens magazine Maxim will open a chain of steakhouses offering "sexy and sophisticated lighter fare." (USA Today 10/25)

The desserts are displayed on the menu's centerfold.

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[] Angela Lansbury will return to Broadway after a twenty-two year absence. (Associated Press 10/24)

"S.R.O., She Wrote."

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[] Two paintings missing from Harvard University for thirty years have been found and returned. (Associated Press 10/24)

Renoir's "Two Little Lambs Who Have Gone Astray" and Van Gogh's "The Table Down at Morrie's."

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[] The NBA has approved a new, more uniform basketball made of a microfiber composite, replacing leather. (USA Today 10/24)

PETA is up-in-arms, claiming the switch threatens the already engangered South American Mountain Micro.

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[] Tombs of royal dentists estimated to be 4000 years old have been discovered near Saqqara, Egypt. (Associated Press 10/23)

Believed to be the office of "Painless" Biscuspidamin III.

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[] Malawian father reverses his consent to Madonna's adoption of his son. (USA Today 10/23)

And she thought Sean Penn gave her a bad time.

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[] Britions appear to be split over whether Muslim women should be allowed to wear veils in government offices. (USA Today 10/23)

They split about the same as they do on the question of requiring Camilla Parker-Bowles to wear one.

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[] Pope extends "cordial greetings" to Muslims observing their holy month of Ramadan. (USA Today 10/23)

He went even further and invited several of them over for a toddy on Christmas Eve.

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[] Frito-Lay unveiled a new line of health-conscious snacks called "Flat Earth." (USA Today 10/23)

Soon to be followed by "Intelligent Design," "UFO" and "Bible Science."

_________________________________________________


[] A high-ranking State Department diplomat says "The US is ready to talk to any group except al Qaida." (Associated Press 10/22)

And possibly that gang on "The View."

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[] A top State Department diplomat told an Arab news service that "There was arrogance and stupidity from the US in Iraq." (Associated Press 10/22)

He's been reassigned to investigate prisoner abuse at Guantanamo----from the inside.

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[] Filthy airplanes are becoming the norm as major air carriers outsource routine cleaning to the lowest bidders. (New York Times 10/24)

Passengers on Delta are now issued a pillow, a blanket and a Dirt Devil.

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[] The GOP has spent more than $3 million to retain the seat of disgraced congressman Bob Ney. (Associated Press 10/22)

Bob has even tossed some of his bribes into the pot.

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[] A visitor at Crater of Diamonds State Park in Murfreesboro, Arkansas found a 5.47 caret diamond. (Associated Press 10/22)

It was on the finger of another visitor, but still...

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[] Spoony Singh, founder of the Hollywood Wax Museum died at age 83. (Associated Press 10/22)

Following Indian tradition, Marilyn Monroe, Jayne Mansfield and Dagmar were thrown on his funeral pyre.

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[] Bush aides insist that he won't retreat from his vision of a united, stable, secure, and democratic Iraq. (Associated Press 10/21)

You know, like we have.

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[] Keith Urban, new husband of Nicole Kidmen, has checked himself into alcohol rehab. (Associated Press 10/21)

If you were constantly being compared to Tom Cruise, you'd drink too.

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[] Wesley Snipes has been located in Namibia. (Associated Press 10/21)

Working on his new movie "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Tax Avoidance But Were Afraid to Ask."

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[] Haley Joel Osment has been sentenced on drunk driving and drug possession charges. (Associated Press 10/21)

"I see probation officers... "

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[] NBC will excise the controversial crucifixion scene from Madonna's televised concert from London. (USA Today 10/20)

They don't want to see anyone nailed to a cross---- with the possible exception of Katie Couric.

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[] The University of Wisconsin has sued Iowa's Waukie High School over their use of the letter "W" as a logo. (USA Today 10/20)

According to reliable sources, Der Weinerschnitzel is next.

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[] Anheuser-Busch has teamed with rapper Jay-Z to promote Budweiser Select. (USA Today 10/20)

Beer and rap. If ever there was a match made in heaven...

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[] "When there's more troops present, there's more chance of casualties," said the commander of the US 172nd "Stryker Brigade." (USA Today 10/20)

... 85th "Stating the Patently Obvious Battalion."

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[] Chief military spokesman in Iraq calls the bloodshed that's raged during October "disheartening." (USA Today 10/20)

Especially for the guys supplying the blood.

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[] Bush names new chief of the Department of Mine Safety. (USA Today 10/20)

Michael Brown with a canary on his shoulder.

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[] The traditional brass urns which hold cremated human remains are being replaced by picture frames, pendants, wind chimes, sundials and even Teddy Bears. (USA Today 10/20)

You can even have your loved one turned into a bag of barbecue briquettes.

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Calorie Countdown

[] A judge postponed the execution of an Ohio death row inmate on the grounds that lethally injecting a person so obese would constitute cruel and unusual punishment. (ABC News 10/19)

They may have to compromise and strap him to Kirstie Alley.

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[] The Florida priest who molested Tom Foley as a youth has stepped forward. (ABC News 10/19)

Happened while Tom was an altar boy at Our Lady of Neverland parish near Orlando.

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[] Democrats are poised to take over the House of Representatives. (Associated Press 10/18)

But Nancy Pelosi isn't measuring the Speaker's office for drapes. She plans to save the taxpayers some money by using one of Hastert's old suits.

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[] Major League Baseball has licensed the Eternal Image Company to produce caskets with team colors and logos. (USA Today 10/19)

Including the "Blue Crew Extra Innings Capsule" that's shaped like a Dodger dog.

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[] The U.S. population has reached 300,000,000. (USA Today 10/18)

300,000,001 if you count Madonna's new kid.

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[] Intense fighting takes toll----October violence heading for near-record numbers. (USA Today 10/19)

But enough about Miami and Florida International.

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[] Last year, the government spent $87 million to transport convicted prisoners by air. (USA Today 10/18)

Worse still, the cons were allowed to apply their frequent flier miles toward reduced sentences.

_________________________________________________


[] A recent survey showed that 30-year old women with graduate degrees stand a 75% chance of finding a husband. (USA Today 10/17)

100% if they also own a major sports franchise.

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[] Xiamen University in Beijing will require its law and business students to take courses in golf. (USA Today 10/18)

Over there, a birdie is known as a "pressed duck."

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[] Steve Wynn poked a hole in a $139 million Picasso painting he was selling. (NBC News 10/17)

Serves him right for hanging it next to a one-armed bandit.

_________________________________________________


[] Wesley Snipes has been indicted on income tax evasion charges for failing to file for ten years. (NBC News 10/17)

Willie Nelson told him nothing would happen.

_________________________________________________


[] Pope Benedict will allow priests to say mass in Latin. (Time Magazine 10/25)

Helps the coverup. How many people know the Latin word for "pedophile"?

_________________________________________________


[] Fossils of a pygmy Buffalo 2 1/2 feet tall were discovered in a cave in Cebu, Philippines. (USA Today 10/16)

Believed to have been hunted to extinction by Buffalo Billy the Kid.

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[] Police in St. Petersburg, Florida are rousting church groups who feed the homeless in public parks. (USA Today 10/16)

Most are "Early Bird" soup kitchens for homeless retirees.

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[] Officials in Berkeley, CA have withdrawn the free use of a boat dock by Sea Scouts because they bar atheists and gays. (USA Today 10/16)

The boys are now sailing aimlessly in their 21-foot sloop, "The S.S. Oscar Wilde."

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[] Detroit voters will decide whether to ban dove hunting. (USA Today 10/17)

Not to protect the birds----to protect other hunters from Dick Cheney.

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[] Wal Mart is negotiating to buy China's largest store chain for $1 billion. (Cable News Network 10/16)

Just good business. The closer you are to the sweat shops...

_________________________________________________


[] A recent survey found that 36% of people under 25 don't wear a wristwatch. (USA Today 10/16)

Mostly because they clash with their tattoos.

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[] Singer Sarah Evans withdrew from "Dancing With the Stars" after filing for divorce charging her husband with adultery, verbal and emotional abuse and watching pornography. (USA Today 10/16)

... while "Dancing With the Stars" was on.

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[] Los Angeles ninth annual "Fashion Week" kicked off on Sunday. (Associated Press 10/16)

With the traditional runway favorite "The Parade of Bulimics."

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[] Disney will restrict sugar, fat and salt content in all food marketed with Disney characters. (Cable News Network 10/16)

The planned Spring marriage of Snow White to Ronald McDonald has been scrapped and Snow has already moved in with the Jolly Green Giant.

_________________________________________________


[] Pope Benedict XVI has named four new saints. (Cable News Network 10/16)

May not mean much to you, but Mel Gibson has now moved up four notches.

_________________________________________________


[] Scalia's "originalist" interpretation of the First Amendment requires that it be read in its 18th century context. ((USA Today 10/16)

He'd prefer a 17th century version if there was one.

_________________________________________________


[] Saddam Hussein will be sentenced on November 5. (Cable News Network 10/16)

He'll be given the choice of death by hanging, firing squad or one of his weapons of mass destruction.

_________________________________________________


[] Further atmospheric tests reveal that Korea's explosion, though less than a kilotron, was indeed a nuclear weapon. (Cable News Network 10/16)

Actually at that strength, it was only a new-cue-ler bomb, but that's good enough for Bush.

_________________________________________________


[] The Hawaiian Islands were rocked by a 6.7 earthquake. (Cable News Network 10/15)

The largest tremor since the 5.4 quake in 1981 that was so strong, it messed Jack Lord's hair.

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Poetry in Motion

[] The Smithsonian National Museum is featuring an exhibit entitled "Hip-Hop Won't Stop: The Beat, The Rhyme, The Life." (USA Today 10/13)

... The Meaningless Noise, The Mindless Repetition, The Gratuitous Profanity, The Atrocious Grammar, The Ostentatious Gold Jewelry, The Tasteless Tattoos, The Dead Cops... "


_________________________________________________



[] U-2's Bono hitched a ride last week with Bush on Air Force One. (Cable News Network 10/12)

He was in town to sound mix his latest CD: "He May Be a Douche Bag But He's Our Prez."


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[] Congressman Bob Ney pleads guilty to federal corruption charges. He's the fourth Republican to resign in disgrace this year. (Cable News Network 10/13)

On a brighter note, Bob's now in the running with Cunningham, DeLay and Foley for the coveted Richard Nixon Toxic Pond Scum Trophy.


_________________________________________________



[] Mel Gibson told Diane Sawyer that he sprinkled water on his hair so his mug shot "wouldn't look like Nick Nolte's." (ABC News 10/12)

But more like Paris Hilton's.


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[] Pedigree and Good Humor are teaming up to produce an ice cream sandwich for dogs. (Cable News Network 10/12)

Only two flavors at first----My Balls and Kitty Poo.


_________________________________________________



[] Madonna has applied to adopt an orphan in Malawai. (AP 10/11)

If she's turned down, she' says she'll buy one from Angelina Jolie.


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[] Kathy Lee Gifford will play Miss Hannigan in "Annie." (Associated Press 10/14)

In the new version, the exploited orphans work in a Taiwanese sweat shop.


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[] Entertainment Tonight's Mary Hart who was first hired in 1982 has been signed for another two years. (USA Today 10/10)

To put her career in perspective, her first interview was Cher with her original face.


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[] Bush and Hastert appeared together at a GOP fund-raiser in Chicago. (Cable News Network 10/12)

Now they're looking for Republican candidates willing to take the dough.


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"The Foley affair is a maraschino cherry atop the Democrats' delectable sundae of Republican miseries."

George Will in the Washington Post


_________________________________________________



[] Superbowl officials are asking fans to submit ideas for a 30-second commercial to be aired during the game. (USA Today 10/16)

Anything goes except a wardrobe malfunction.


_________________________________________________



[] Harley-Davidson will soon begin selling beef jerkey. (USA Today 10/10)

With plans to add other food items later including hell's angel hair pasta.


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[] New Yorkers were surprised to learn that private planes are allowed to fly freely above the city. (Cable News Network 10/12)

A practice that began back in 1937 when Mayor LaGuardia granted that exemption to Superman.


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[] Republican Senator Christopher Shays compared the Foley scandal to Chappaquiddick "only nobody died." (Cable News Network 10/12)

If you don't count GOP rallying cries of family values, scripture-dipping and gay bashing.


_________________________________________________



[] Muslim cabbies in Minneapolis are refusing to pick up passengers carrying alcohol. (USA Today 10/11)

Unless it's in a Molotov cocktail.


_________________________________________________



[] Sean "P. Diddy" Combs has teamed with Burger King. (USA Today 10/11)

New menu item: the Double Cheese Heavy Gold Jewelry Whopper.


_________________________________________________



[] Young South African babblers emerging from their nests increase survival rates by responding to their parents' calls to the best foraging sites. (USA Today 10/11)

North American Babblers are trained to survive by watching "Live With Regis and Kelly."


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[] After a visit to violence-torn Baghdad, Sen. John Warner concluded that the war in Iraq is "drifting sideways." (Cable News Network 10/10)

Warner hasn't unleashed a shocker like that since he announced he was marrying Liz Taylor.


_________________________________________________



[] Top British general in Iraq says, "We've kicked in the door, now it's time to leave." (Cable News Network 10/13)

He's the commander of the elite 108th Bruce Lee-Tony Lama Royal Cavaliers.


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[] US experts have dismissed the idea, believed initially, that the North Korean nuclear test may have been faked. (Associated Press 10/14)

Gives you a sense of security, doesn't it? These guys can't find weapons of mass destruction even when they're there.


_________________________________________________



[] Gerald Ford was admitted to the Eisenhower Medical Center for tests. (USA Today 10/13)

Complaining of dizziness, an irregular heartbeat, and an uncontrollable desire to pardon Dennis Hastert.


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Address comments to: Jokesmith@peoplepc.com

White Man Speak With Forked Tongue

[] The Army has replaced its slogan "Army of One," used since 2001, with "Army Strong." (USA Today 10/10)

Complete motto: "Army Strong... but commander-in-chief is blithering idiot."

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[] A new study shows that marijuana may delay the onset of Alzheimers disease. (HBO 10/6)

Biggest clue came when Whitney Houston suddenly remembered she's married to Bobby.

________________________________________________


[] Rice meets with Iraqi prime minister Nouri Kamal al-Maliki on a surprise visit to Baghdad. (New York Times 10/6)

They discussed the insurgency, US troop strength and the possibility of hooking up after the war.

________________________________________________


[] Today, the high court justices ask many questions during oral argument, with the exception of the typically silent Clarence Thomas. (USA Today 10/6)

Who's the official poster boy for Bush-----the "Child Left Behind."

________________________________________________


[] Wrote Russian journalist Anna Politkovskaya, assassinated by agents of Vladimir Putin: "... Nobody seeks justice in law courts which flaunt their subservience and partisanship." (Associated Press 10/9)

Know any court like that?

_________________________________________________


[] Pennsylvania congressman Don Sherwood apologized to his constituants for abusing his mistress. (New York Times 10/7)

Seems one of his weekly Motel 8 S&M sessions got a little rough while they were playing "Karl Rove Comes To Fix Ann Coulter's Faucet."

_________________________________________________


[] Bob Woodward's book "State of Denial" claims that Henry Kissinger is a frequent guest at the White House to advise Bush on the Iraq war. (Associated Press 10/5)

He's reportedly in favor of invading Cambodia.

_________________________________________________


[] After the ambassadors from Latvia and Thailand dropped out of the race for UN chief, South Korea's Bon Ki Moon was tapped to succeed Kofi Anon. (USA Today 10/6)

The final decision was made by Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul.

________________________________________________


[] French National Assembly will ban smoking in public places. (New York Times 10/6)

With the exception of that legally required after sex.

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[] Researchers have discovered a 379.1 foot tall Coast Redwood believed to be the world's tallest tree. ( SF Chronicle 10/8)

They did it by following the world's tallest dog.

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[] A New York man was released from prison after serving 21 years for a rape that DNA testing proved he didn't commit. (Cable News Network 10/6)

Lucky he didn't live in Texas. He'd have been dead now for 21 years.

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[] San Quintin death row inmate claims injection methods are poorly designed and administered by an untrained staff. (SF Chronicle 10/8)

Provided by Kaiser.

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[] Nimitz Class aircraft carrier "George Herbert Walker Bush" is christened at Newport News, Va. (Associated Press 10/8)

Sister ship, the "USS Rudderless," will honor his son's legacy.

________________________________________________


[] Schwarzenegger vetoes universal health care bill, labeling the plan "socialized medicine." (San Francisco Chronicle 10/8)

No surprise here. That's one of the reasons he defected from Austria.

________________________________________________


[] A Florida man has formed the first pizza deliverymans union. (Associated Press 10/8)

In the event of a wage dispute, if they fail to form a picket line within a half hour, they work free.

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[] Documentary "Jesus Camp" examines evangelical summer camps for kids. (San Francisco Chronicle 10/8)

Most popular of which is Jerry Falwell's "Camp Thump-a-Bible."

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Ready... Aim...

[] The plane carrying Condoleezza Rice was delayed landing in Baghdad due to hostile ground fire. (Cable News Network 10/5)

Seems a couple of our lads whose tour of duty was extended decided that real bullets for the secretary's usual 21-gun salute would be in order.


________________________________________________


[] Foley's lawyer told reporters that his client is a long-time alcoholic. (USA Today 10/3)

"Grossly insulting to legitimate alcholics," said Hyman Bloomberg, spokesman for Mel Gibson.


________________________________________________


[] Malibu septic tanks are suspected as the source of contamination flowing into the bay. (USA Today 10/5)

Until now, no one knew what happened to old scripts from failed prime-time sitcoms.


________________________________________________


[] Los Angeles Laker coach Phil Jackson is recouperating from successful hip replacement surgery. (USA Today 10/5)

The operation was a snap. The hard part was finding a willing donor among his benched players.


________________________________________________


[] Barton County Kansas Community College track coach Lance Brauman was sentenced to a year in federal prison for embezzlement. (USA Today 10/3)

His trial was delayed. The FBI had to press some of his team members into service to help run him down.


________________________________________________


[] Tennessee Titans defensive lineman Albert Haynesworth stomped on Dallas Cowboy center Andre Gurode's face, inflicting wounds requiring thirty sutures to close. (USA Today 10/3)

And to make matters worse, he was clearly offsides.


________________________________________________


[] Despite being winless since 1995, Patrick McEnroe has been signed to coach the US Davis Cup team for another two years. (USA Today 10/3)

Kind of like hiring Rumsfeld to teach Anti-Insurgency Warfare at West Point.


________________________________________________


[] The New York Metropolitan Transportation Authority will soon install sensors that will analyze air in the coaches for toxic substances. (USA Today 10/4)

Up until now, they've only had one for urine.


________________________________________________


[] Rice claims she "doesn't remember" a pre-9/11 al Qaida warning from the CIA.(USA Today 10/3)

And, as a demonstration of her good faith, she's checked herself into a convenient lapse of memory rehab clinic.


________________________________________________


[] The late Sonny Bono and his wife, Mary, worked closely with Congressman Foley to boost ties between Republicans and the Hollywood community. (USA Today 10/3)

But they could come up with only one convert----Michael Jackson.


________________________________________________


[] Little Rock, Arkansas officials have replaced "City of Roses" with "The Rock" as the city's official nickname. (USA Today 10/3)

Trading names with Alcatraz, now known as "Rose Island."


________________________________________________


[] Catholic Supreme Court justices Roberts, Scalia, Kennedy and Thomas attended a "Red Mass" at the Cathedral of St. Matthew the Apostle in Washington. (USA Today 10/2)

The "red" in red mass symbolizes the blood splattered about when they slice the balls off of the Separation of of Church and State doctrine.


________________________________________________

Page Turner

[] Republican Mark Foley resigned his House seat after suggestive e-mails to a male page came to light----statements included "Do I make you horny?... well, strip down and get naked." (Associated Press 9/30)

GOP leaders vowed to root such behavior out of Congress and send it back to the sacristy where it belongs.

________________________________________________


[] The President and First Lady hosted a black tie gala to launch the National Book Festival. (USA Today 9/30)

Anytime Bush is in the same room with a book it merits a black tie gala.

________________________________________________


[] Congress has okayed a bill to construct a 700-mile-long fence along the US-Mexican border. (USA Today 9/30)

With a 1,300-mile-wide gate.

________________________________________________


[] New, high tech sound editing software proves that Neil Armstrong was correct when he insisted he actually said "One small step for a man... " (Associated Press 10/1)

Followed by "Oops. Hand me the Pooper Scooper."

________________________________________________


[] The Sons of Confederate Veterans have objected to Sen. Mark Allen admitting that he failed to grasp that the Confederate flag could be offensive to minorities. (USA Today 9/25)

Offensive? Just because they use it to line birdcages?

________________________________________________


[] A West Point cadet has been convicted of rape----the first since women were admitted in 1976. (Cable News Network 9/29)

Duty... Honor... Country... DNA.

________________________________________________


[] Michael Jackson and Deborah Rowe agree on custody rights of their two children. (Associated Press 9/30)

She gets to take them to the park and he gets to dangle them from balconies.

________________________________________________


[] The Los Angeles Archdiocese is close to a settlement that would pay forty-five sexual abuse victims $60 million. (Los Angeles Daily News 9/30)

Hang up wasn't the money, but Cardinal Rog Mahoney's refusal to have his testicles put on display as official relics at our Lady of the Endless Stonewall Cathedral.

________________________________________________


[] Two Palm Beach FL priests embezzled $8.6 million from St. Vincent Ferrer Catholic church to pay gambling debts. (USA Today 9/29)

In the padres' defense, you can't molest underage one-armed bandits.

________________________________________________


[] Pope tells Castle Gondolfo audience that "the Church does not force anyone to accept the message of the gospel." (USA Today 9/29)

He was in town to excommunicate Madonna.

________________________________________________


[] Former White House chief-of-staff Andrew Card denies allegations in Bob Woodward's Book that he tried to get rid of Rumsfeld. (Fox News 10/1)

"Ut tu, Andrew?"

________________________________________________


[] Bush says he retains the "fullest" confidence in Rumsfeld. (Cable News Network 10/1)

As opposed to "full" confidence which, to this grammar-challenged ignoramus, just doesn't seem quite full enough.

________________________________________________


[] Al-Zawahari accuses Bush of being a "deceitful liar" and the pope of launching another Crusade. (Associated Press 9/30)

And both were elected by ballots that had to be burned afterwards.

________________________________________________


Terrall Owens called A.T. & T. and signed up for Suicide Call Waiting.

________________________________________________


[] John Gotti, Jr. won his third consecutive mistrial on racketeering charges. (CBS News 9/28)

After jurors received a personal invitation to an overnight at the Red Lobster.

________________________________________________


[] Danny Flores who wrote the 1958 classic "Tequila" has passed away at age 77. (People Magazine 10/9)

According to his final wishes, he was creamated and his ashes placed in an urn with a salted rim.

________________________________________________


[] A New York City judge has dismissed David Gest's $10 million spousal abuse lawsuit against his former wife, Liza Minnelli. (AP 9/28)

Looks like Liza's $10 mil will continue sitting alone on the shelf.

________________________________________________


[] F.E.M.A. will donate thousands of unused travel trailers to church groups, charitable organizations and Indian tribes. (Fox News 10/1)

"Good job, Brownie!"

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