As expected, not all the floats were able to meet the stringent standards imposed by the white-suited Tournament of Roses Committee and were ordered withdrawn. Among this year's rejects:
- The National Rifle Association's "America Locked and Loaded" which used an array of multi-colored hydrangea to recreate "Duck Hunt" depicting a giant effigy of Dick Cheney in calla lilies administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to a fellow nimrod he's just peppered with buckshot of peach lentil seeds. Rose pedal blood flows copiously into a river polluted by offshore oil wells of Japanese bamboo shoots lashed together with Manila hemp from the Philippines. Golden retrievers of gladioli scamper about, the lead dog, Dick's beloved "Waterboard," with a battery-powered, portable heart defibrillator strapped to his back.
- "The Big Three Jamboree" co-sponsored by General Motors, Chrysler and Ford along with the City of Detroit featured simulated corporate jets of silver buttercups with executives of all three automakers waving to irate taxpayers with animated raised fists below. Hundred dollar bills of pressed parsley waft from the chimney of a replica of the U.S. Senate Chambers in pampas grass and goldenrod. Special guest, Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich, stands on the front steps, conducting an auction of Senate seats as lobbyists and hack politicians led by Fred Thompson -- all made of heather and antheriam -- excitedly place their bids.
- Sparklettes goes international with their multi-layered, animated, long overdue "Up Your Organized Religion" entry. All cults and sects are colorfully represented in flora indigenous to their home countries. Pope Benedict XVI sits on his throne of golden chrysanthemums, adorned in a cape of purple dendrobiam as he sprinkles Sparklettes specially imported from Lourdes on the wheel-chaired and crutched peasants below. On a lower tier, Mormon missionaries wearing magic underwear of white Zenia, kneel before a statue of Mitt Romney in heather, sesame seeds and tulips. The Reverends (some more than others) Al Sharpton, Jerry Falwell, Rick Warren, Bob Schuller and James Dodson circumnavigate the float's lower perimeter in Rolls-Royce Silver Clouds of bougainvillea, turnip seeds and sun flowers.
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IN MEMORIAM
Among the luminaries being remembered at year's end were Tim Russert, Heath Ledger, Eartha Kitt, Roy Scheider, Charlton Heston, Suzanne Pleshette, George Carlin, Harold Pinter, Michael Crichton, William F. Buckley, Sunny von Bulow, Sir Edmund Hillary, Studs Turkel, Isaac Hayes, Bo Diddly, Bobby Fischer, Eddy Arnold, Sydney Pollack, Yves St. Laurent, Cyd Chrisse and Steve Fossett.
For others, the initial reports of their deaths later proved, thankfully, erroneous,
- During an interview for Vanity Fair Magazine, Larry King suffered a massive stroke while attempting to remember how many times he's been married.
- While emphasizing the ridiculously low price of one of her faux diamond necklaces on QVC, Joan Rivers exclaimed "May God strike me dead!" and he did.
- During a rehearsal of "Wheel of Fortune," Vanna White stumbled while carrying an inordinately tall stack of letters and was crushed by tiles "L" through "Z."
- Donald Trump was decapitated when a bomb hidden in his hair detonated. Police theorized it was placed there by Ariana Huffington when he sent it out to be cleaned.
- Working alone in a mid-Manhattan brownstone walk up, Joe the Plumber drowned while attempting to clear a clogged toilet with a bent coat hanger
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