;

Peace On Earth Goodwill Toward Men

[] Four Marines have been charged with murdering Iraqi civilians, bringing to 37 the number of military murders since the war began. (USA Today 12/21)

Thirty eight if you count their unindicted co-conspirator, the commander-in-chief.

[] Bush to reporters: "I'm going to sprint to the finish." (USA Today 12/21)

And if he has any brains, keep on running until he reaches a country that will grant him asylum.

[] Rosey O'Donnell and Donald Trump exchange insults----Trump threatens to sue. (USA Today 12/21)

Acting as a peacemaker, Barbara Walters has suggested that they cosponsor a "Gay and Guys With Weird Hair" cruise.

[] Britney Spears has a small tattoo on her hand. (USA Today 12/21)

A tiny reminder that reads: "Adjust panties."

[] Billy Graham's family is feuding over the location of his crypt. (USA Today 12/21)

While Billy himself couldn't care less since he only intends to use it for three days.

[] Sean "Ditty" combs is a new father of twin girls. (USA Today 12/22)

Both of whom came into the world wearing jewelry.

[] Toyota is poised to overtake General Motors as the world's largest automaker. (Associated Press 12/23)

While Detroit has vowed to capture the long-overlooked lawnmower and leaf blower market.

[] The seventh J.K. Rawlings book is entitled "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows." (USA Today 12/22)

To be followed by "Harry Potter and the Mystery of Why Paris Hilton's Life is Worth Bothering With."

[] Southern Methodist, Baylor and the University of Dallas are being considered as possible sites for the $200 million George W. Bush Presidential Library. (USA Today 12/22)

Yale, his alma mater, has removed itself from consideration on the grounds that he never used theirs.

[] Occidential College in Los Angeles is offering a course called "The Phallus." (USA Today 12/21)

It's popular despite some pretty stiff prerequisites.

[] The Army raises to 4% the number of recruits accepted with the lowest aptitude test scores. (USA Today 12/21)

They went from "dumb" to "dumber" to "Jackass II."

[] The Army pays $40,000 to soldiers who agree to reinlist for duty in Iraq. (USA Today 12/21)

Which they can apply toward thicker armor on their Humvee.

[] A female Komodo dragon in Britain's Chester Zoo has become pregnant without male intervention. (USA Today 12/21)

She's been nicknamed "Mary Cheney."

[] A woman sent her month old infant through the luggage scanner at the Los Angeles airport. (USA Today 12/21)

That's the bad news. The good news is the x-ray will be covered by Medicare.

[] Einstein Bros. is offering potato bagels colored and shaped like candy canes. (USA Today 12/22)

Along with the traditional favorite, the chopped chicken liver Yule Log.

[] Bush asks Gates to come up with a plan to expand US forces in Iraq and predicts "difficult choices and additional sacrifices ahead." (USA Today 12/21)

What is it about "exit strategy" this guy doesn't understand? He certainly had no problem getting out of Vietnam.

________________________________________


[] Ted Haggard's Life Church has ousted yet another youth minister for sexual misconduct while Haggard undergoes counseling. Says the pastor of Denver's Victory Church, "Ted is like a bird with a broken wing. We're just interested in making sure the wing is healed." (USA Today 12/20)


Wing? Wasn't it Ted's pecker that got him into hot water?

[] Faced with mounting legal costs in defending its actions, the Cobb County, Georgia school board has removed stickers on science texts that said: "Evolution is a theory, not a fact." (USA Today 12/20)

And the Bible has been returned to the Science Fiction section of the library.

[] The Pentagon will spend $22 million a year to develop a computerized Google sensor that will translate spoken English into Arabic. (USA Today 12/20)

The device will be programmed to kill anyone who answers "yes" to "Are you an insurgent?"

[] Cheney will testify in the CIA leak case. (USA Today 12/20)

He'll be sworn in with his right hand on the Bible and his left hand on his pacemaker.

[] Teen golfer Michelle Wei has been accepted at Stanford in the fall. (USA Today 12/20)

She plans to try and crack the "men's only" dorm tradition.

[] Rice tells reporters "Let's stop mourning the old middle east. It was not so great and it wasn't going to survive anyway." (USA Today 12/20)

But was it worth 3000 American lives to hurry it along?

[] Asian Games officials stripped Santhi Soundarajan of her silver medal in the 800 meters after "too many chromosomes" turned up in her blood. (USA Today 12/19)


They first became suspicious when they noticed she was a little too handy with the TV remote in the womens' dorm.

[] Nicks-Nuggets hoops brawl in the Garden draws seven suspensions, $500,000 fines for each team. (USA Today 12/19)

One Nugget felt so ashamed of himself, he bought his wife a ring.

[] Voter-approved smoking ban in Vegas will cover bars serving food, video arcades, shopping malls, schools and day care centers. (USA Today 12/19)

Or within 50 feet of a hooker, a mob boss or Wayne Newton.

[] The House will soon require mandatory screening of all airport employees for weapons upon arriving at work. (USA Today 12/19)

Mechanics will be allowed to bring in one Swiss Army knife.

[] The Pentagon reports that many US-trained Iraqi security officers fail to report for duty. (USA Today 12/19)

Most opting for rock concert security jobs.

[] Iraqis average eleven hours of electricity a day. (USA Today 12/19)

In laymens terms, about the same voltage Texas needs to carry out 300 executions a month.

[] American Society of Plastic Surgeons reports a 37% increase in boob jobs over the past five years. (USA Today 12.19)

Remember when the Colonel had a virtual lock on the "Bucket O' Breasts" market?

_______________________________________

Joseph Barbara 1911- 2006
"Yabba-Dabba-Doo!"
_______________________________________

[] More than 700 cases of priest sex abuse are still pending against Roger Mahoney and the Los Angeles archdiocese. (USA Today 12/16)

"... And there came from the East three wise men bearing gold, frankincense and subpoenas... "

[] Colin Powell says the US is losing the war and the army is "just about broken." The military is not large enough to sustain a "surge." (USA Today 12/18)

But what does a 35-year Army veteran and former head of the Joint Chiefs know? Let's go with the pencil neck pinhead from Texas.

[] NBA officials are investigating a bench-clearing melee that broke out at Madison Square Garden during a New York Knicks-Denver Nuggets game. (USA Today 12/18)

Sparked, according to witnesses, when a Nugget compared Woody Allen's acting ability unfavorably to Jack Nicholson's.

[] Oprah Winfrey is pitching a new game show entitled "Your Money or Your Life." (USA Today 12/18)

Executives at ABC are thinking it over.

[] Bill O'Reilly says he went to Iraq "to zero in on the chance of a US victory there." (USA Today 12/18)

Zero is the perfect word for it.

[] Rumsfeld given a full-dress military sendoff at the Pentagon. (Associated Press 12/16)

Cheney wanted to participate in the 21-gun salute, but Rice confiscated his 12-gauge.

[] Bush's approval rating has bottomed out at 23%. (NBC News 12/14)

On a brighter note, he is holding his own against Michael Richards.

[] British investigators have found no conspiracy in the death of Princess Di. (USA Today 12/15)

In other words, the queen's alibi checked out.

[] The Pentagon has asked Bush to authorize a military command in Africa. (USA Today 12/15)

Think Halliburton has found a way to crack the diamond business?

_______________________________________

"Our 100-strong embassy in Baghdad has six who speak fluent Arabic... Fifty-five Arabic language specialists have been forced out of the military for being gay."
(New Yorker Magazine 12/18)
_______________________________________


[] No member of Congress has ever been forced out of office because of physical infirmity. (USA Today 12/13)

Unless pedophilia can be considered a physical infirmity.

[] A Pew Research study shows that 68% of Americans consider the microwave oven a necessity. (USA Today 12/13)

47% of whom don't think it works fast enough.

[] The US Statistical Abstract shows that the average American spends 1500 hours a year in front of the TV. (USA Today 12/17)

And 3712 hours searching for the remote.

______________________________________________
DO PEOPLE TELL YOU YOU'RE FUNNY? DO YOU LIKE TO MAKE OTHERS LAUGH?

Now you can learn to write comic lines and funny routines with personal step-by-step guidance from a comedy veteran. The Jokesmith will provide one-on-one online tutoring in the essentials of writing and performing for the business world. Spice up your office presentations and speeches with humor tailor-made by you and for you alone. It's no more expensive than engaging a top-of-the-line trainer or voice coach and you'll soon be the envy of your friends and colleagues, snapping off one-liners like a seasoned comic. Creating humor is fun and who knows----you may end up being the next Seinfeld.

For details, write Jokesmith@Peoplepc.com and type "lessons" in the subject line.
______________________________________________

[] The Miami Dolphins' Marcus Vick has been sued for $6.3 million for sexually abusing a 15 year old girl two years ago. (USA Today 12/15)

While a quarterback at Jerry Lee Lewis University in Tallahassee.

[] The US Mint will unveil new solid gold coins honoring presidential spouses. (USA Today 12/15)

In a related story, Annhauser-Busch will soon issue a series of bottle caps honoring presidential daughters.

[] Prince William has been commissioned an officer in the British Army. (Associated Press 12/16)

He's already phoned Bush for tips on ducking service in Iraq.

_______________________________________

"That Bush's war in Iraq is an unmitigated catastrophe has been known for some time. What the Iraq Study Group has done is made it official."
Hendrick Hertzberg (New Yorker Magazine 12/18)
_______________________________________

[] Bush is considering adding a "surge" of 30,000 troops to Iraq. (New York Times 12/16)

To his crack military strategists, it's intuitive. When something isn't working, do more of it.

[] Florida governor suspends executions after an autopsy showed a botched lethal injection tortured the victim for 30 minutes. (Associated Press 12/16)

Katherine Harris has demanded a re-autopsy.

[] A notorious Somolian big game poacher, known to have slaughtered 17 elephants and 9 rhinos in Kenya over the past five years, has been killed in a shootout with game wardens. (Associated Press 12/16)

His teeth were extracted and turned into tiny piano keys.

[] A Beverly Hills dermatology clinic has begun offering "Gummy Bear" silicone breast implants. (Los Angeles Daily News 12/17)

Their June Groom Special includes a "Tootsie Roll" penile enhancement.
______________________________________
Bereft on the Left will be back in a moment, but first, this important message...

You're in for a fun read if you haven't sampled Bob's online book entitled "HOPE WRITER: My Life Inside Bob Hope's Comedy Factory." It's chock full of backstage stories and celebrity anecdotes from the author's seventeen years "on the road" with Hope and it's audio-illustrated by Odeo.com. Now you can hear the classic songs, sketches and comedy routines that made Hope TV specials so unique. That golden era may be gone, but the memories linger on at:

www.hope-writer.blogspot.com

_______________________________________

[] A proposed Texas law would allow the blind to hunt live game using lasers, long banned because they cause wildlife to freeze in fear. (USA Today 12/12)

Dick Cheney is exploring the possibility of being declared legally blind before the dove season opens.

[] J. Michael Hannigan, attorney for Cardinal Roger Mahoney, claims "there's not a chance that my client conspired to shield child molester priests from prosecution." (USA Today 12/12)

Mike is a senior partner at Scumbag, Douchebag & Slime.

[] The NBA has rejected the new composite ball after players complained. More uniform than the old ball, it spread perspiration evenly for more rapid evaporation. (USA Today 12/12)

Unfortunately, it also caused a chemical reaction with skin that obliterated
their tattoos.

[] Nicole Richie was arrested by the CHP after driving the wrong way up a Burbank on ramp. (USA Today 12/12)

She faces a charge of driving under the influence of Paris Hilton.

[] US troops in Iraq use Silly String sent to them from their families at home to help find hidden trip wires attached to bombs. (USA Today 12/12)

But it's the most advanced, technically superior Silly String in the world.

[] USA Today/Gallup poll shows that the majority of Americans believe Bush will be viewed by history as "poor" or "below average," well below the rankings of his five predecessors. (USA Today 12/13)

He even loses to the West Wing's Martin Sheen.

[] The Pentagon will soon begin using honeybees to sniff out explosives. (USA Today 12/11)

Owned and trained by Halliburton.

______________________________________________
DO PEOPLE TELL YOU YOU'RE FUNNY? DO YOU LIKE TO MAKE OTHERS LAUGH?

Now you can learn to write comic lines and funny routines with personal step-by-step guidance from a comedy veteran. The Jokesmith provides one-on-one online tutoring in the essentials of writing and performing for the business world. Spice up your office presentations and speeches with humor that's tailor-made by you and for you alone. It's no more expensive than taking golf lessons and you'll soon be the envy of your friends and colleagues, snapping off one-liners like a seasoned comic. Creating humor is fun and, who knows----you may end up being the next Seinfeld.

For details, write Jokesmith@Peoplepc.com and type "lessons" in the subject line.
______________________________________________


[] "Apocalypto" displaced "Happy Feet" with $14.2 million in opening weekend grosses. (NPR Radio 12/11)

Watch for copycat projects to spring up with no established stars speaking an unknown language and directed by an alcoholic antisemite.

[] All states except New Mexico allow death by lethal injection; Nevada and eight other states offer electrocution; three states allow hanging, three firing squad. (USA Today 12/11)

Federal death row inmates have their choice of hanging, facing a firing squad or accepting a tour of duty in Iraq.

[] Rumsfeld attended an hour-long farewell at the Pentagon. (New York Times 12/11)

Following which he crawled into his flag-draped coffin, a parting gift from John Mertha.

[] Bush will delay unveiling any new plans for Iraq until early next year. (New York Times 12/13)

Maybe Santa will bring him an exit strategy.

[] Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock have split up after only four months of marriage. (Associated Press 12/10)

Seems the Kid had some body parts pierced that he failed to tell Pam about.

[] A Justice Department study shows that 70% of California prison inmates return to prison after release. (USA Today 12/11)

Especially in Southern California where it's cheaper than renting or buying.

[] According to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, cosmetic procedures for men rose 38% last year. (USA Today 11/12)

Most popular: the beer gut tuck.

[] Evergreen trees, mistletoe, holly, Yule logs, candles and elves were popular pagan symbols in pre-Christian Europe. (USA Today 12/11)

The original Santa Clause was a vestal virgin with a water retention problem.

[] The UN's Kofi Annan blasted Bush during his farewell speech to the General Assembly. (ABC News 12/10)

It would have been even more insulting if Bush knew who he was.

[] Dick Cheney's lesbian daughter has announced that she's expecting a baby. (USA Today 11/7)

The identity of the father won't be known until Dick shoots him.

[] Taco Bell removed green onions from 5800 restaurants after E. Coli sickened 58 people. (USA Today 12/7)

Never at a loss to capitalize on free publicity, the chain immediately unveiled its new "Bean & Cheese Siesta Buster Bacterito."

[] New York will become the first state to outlaw artery-clogging trans fats in all its restaurants. (USA Today 12/6)

"New Yorkers lead the world in health-conscious dining," said Pierre Souffle, maitre d' at Manhattan's trendy "Good Cholesterol Grill."

[] No frills EasyCruiseOne offers budget-conscious vacationers cabins starting at $17 a day on Caribbean sailings. (USA Today 12/8)

Amenities include a $4.99 almost midnight buffet, dinner at the bell captain's table and coin-operated life jacket dispensers.

__________________________________


[] Florida's Seminole Indian tribe will purchase the Hard Rock Cafe for $965 million. (USA Today 12/8)

Renamed the "Hiding Behind the Hard Rock Cafe."

[] George Steinbrenner has offered Dwight Gooden a job in the Yankee organization if Dwight can stay clean and sober until February. (USA Today 12/8)

As a locker room sniffer coach.

[] The nectar bat has a tongue 1 1/2 times longer than its body. (USA Today 12/7)

Rivaled only by that of Barbara Walters and Nancy Grace.

[] Critics are calling Mel Gibson's "Apocalypto" even more gruesome than "Braveheart." (USA Today 12/7)

Not quite as gruesome as his DUI mug shot, but almost.

[] TV Land editors and producers have selected "Heeeeere's Johnny!" television's most memorable catch phrase. (USA 1Today 2/7)

Barely edging out "I'm Chevy Chase and you're not."

[] The Crayola Company now offers scented Crayon markers with names like "Booger Buster," "Soda Burp" and "Alien Armpit." (USA Today 12/6)

Soon to be followed by "Sand Box Fart" and "Birthday Cake Acid Reflux."

[] Slyvester Stallone donated items from his Rocky movies to the Smithsonian's National Museum of American History. (USA Today 12/6)

Including his shoes, robe and the walker he uses in the latest sequel.

__________________________________

Dominu$ Vobi$ Cum

[] The Los Angeles archdiocese has paid 45 victims of priest sex abuse $60 million. (Associated Press 12/2)

Or, as they say in the parish, "two hundred and fifty thousand Bingo jackpots."

[] Rice tells Arab television: "I'm sure there are things we could have done differently." (Associated Press 12/2)

... Like liberate Lichtenstein instead.

[] A fast-spreading norovirus struck 338 passengers on Royal Caribbean's "Freedom of the Seas." (USA Today 12/4)

Renamed "Freedom of the Lower Digestive Tract."

[] A Consumer Reports study shows that 83% of supermarket chickens are contaminated with Campybacter or Salmonella bacteria. (USA Today 12/5)

To avoid illness, they recommend storing the birds at 45 degrees or below, cooking them at 165 degrees and passing on pullets that have recently been on a cruise.

[] Rumsfeld's leaked memo recommends that the administration "announce that whatever new approach the US decides on is on a trial basis. This will give us the ability to readjust... and therefore not 'lose'." (Associated Press 12/3)

Or, as we used to say, "surrender."


_____I_R_I_S_H____Y_I_D_D_I_S_H_I_S_M_S_____

Second best is still pretty darned good.

A man who buys a suit with two pairs of pants is just asking for trouble.

(From Bob Mills' "Handbook of Irish Yiddishisms" © 2006)

____________________________________________



[] Israel will overhaul its out-of-condition military following its botched invasion of Lebanon. (USA Today 12/4)

Which will probably mean saying sayonara to the famed 101st Lox, Bagel & Cream Cheese Nosh Battalion.

[] "Nativity Story" grossed a disappointing $8 million on its opening weekend, soundly outdistanced by three other films led by "Happy Feet.". (USA Today 12/4)

Prompting Daily Variety to headline: PENGUINS STOMP BABY JESUS.

[] Sylvester Stallone promoed his new "Rocky" sequel on Monday Night Football. (USA Today 12/4)

Entitled "Rocky KO's Arthritis."

[] Bush's meeting with Shiite leader and Iran confidant Al-Hakim is seen as part of a new administration strategy to get the US out of Iraq. (New York Times 12/2)

Which makes sense. When he decides to surrender, he'd like to have a cell phone number to call.

[] Paris Hilton withdrew from the "Billboard Music Awards" after rejecting the script that had been written for her. (USA Today 12/4)

She blamed "insufficient motivation coupled with uninspiring character development."

_______________________________________


[] Actor Rip Torn was arrested by North Salem, New York police and charged with driving while intoxicated. (MSNBC 12/4)

Allowed one telephone call after being booked, he rang up Gary Shandling.


[] Michael Richards will apoligize to the four black men he targeted after apologizing on David Lettermen, to Rev. Al Sharpton and on Rev. Jesse Jackson's radio show. (Associated Press 12/2)

Next, he'll fly to Constantinople and apologize to the Muslims on behalf of the pope.

[] (Phote Caption) President Bush chats with 8-year old Adds Bugg during a performance of Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory at the White House. (USA Today 12/5)

The boy was doing his best to explain the plot to him.

[] Japanese car maker Toyota has passed Ford as the nation's top seller. (Associated Press 12/2)

Hey, it could have been worse. They could have waited until December 7.

[] Lindsay Lohan is still drinking, according to her publicist, but is now attending AA meetings. (Associated Press 12/2)

That's the good news. The bad news is her sponsor is Mel Gibson.

[] Fist fights broke out among opposing legislators at the swearing in ceremony for new Mexican president Felipe Calderon. (Associated Press 12/2)

If this catches on, they may bring back ice hockey as a national sport.

[] An Arizona grandmother was arrested with 214 pounds of marijuana hidden in the trunk of her car. (Associated Press 12/2)

Capping a Thanksgiving visit with her grandson, Woody Harrelson.


____W_O_R_D_S___T_O___L_I_V_E___B_Y_____

I leave you with the immortal words of Tonto who once said to the Lone Ranger, "Mask okay, Keemosabe, but I'd lose the whip."

___________________________________________


[] Regis Philbin has released an album of Christmas standards which he sings, according to radio commentator Paul Harvey, "like the authors intended." (KABC Radio 12/1)

However, that sound you hear coming from their graves isn't applause.

[] McDonald's will provide high tech, kid friendly exercise facilities at several restaurants in Arizona. (USA Today 12/4)

Including a giant inflatable Egg McMuffin trampoline.

[] According to investigators, the Bush administration tried to limit compensation to AEC employees sickened by nuclear radiation. (USA Today 12/5)

George is suspicious of any illness he can't pronounce.

[] Acting UN Secretary John Bolton has resigned his post. (USA Today 12/5)

After being told that Michael Bolton stood a better chance of being confirmed.

[] A & E will air episodes of "The Sopranos" without the violence, nudity or the F word. (Philadelpha Inquirer 12/2)

You got a problem with that, Fuck Face?

_______________________________________


[] Capping his historic visit to Turkey, Pope Benedict XVI prayed in Istanbul's most famous mosque as a gesture of outreach to the Muslim community. (USA Today 12 /1) Following which he privately disclosed some of his church's most secret ecclesiastical mumbo jumbo as well as some of its most sacred flim flam.


[] The Iraq war study group will recommend that US forces begin to withdraw in a "graceful exit." (USA Today 12/1) One plan being considered is to ask George Clooney to shoot a movie in Baghdad and sneak the troops out imbedded with the extras.

[] A Heritage Foundation analyst advises against withdrawing all the troops because "You need a subtle but visual reminder that the Americans haven't left town." (USA Today 1/12) Like an endless pile of rubble isn't enough?

[] The nation's first Muslim congressman is refusing to be sworn in on the bible. (USA Today 1/12) Apparently he's unaware of the time-honored tradition in Congress of having the F.B.I. black out the passages you don't agree with.

[] Frist announces that he won't seek the 2008 Republican presidential nomination. (USA Today 11/30) Bill plans to return to the private sector to run a "diagnosis by TV" clinic for the brain damaged.

[] The Supreme Court has heard its first oral arguments on a case involving global warming. (NPR Radio 11/29) To help Clarence Thomas get up to speed on the topic, Chief Roberts gave him the morning off to see "Happy Feet."

[] A New York Times film critic calls "Happy Feet" "a piercingly sad story about the devistation being visited on the natural world." (USA Today 11/29) Producers now concede that it was probably a bad idea to cast Al Gore as a killer whale.

[] A new $14 million polar bear exhibit has opened at the Pittsburgh Zoo. (USA Today 11/22) Financed in large part by their Coca-Cola residuals.

[] Officials in Costa Rica captured a 50-foot long homemade submarine packed with three tons of cocaine. (USA Today 11/21) US Coast Guard records list the S.S. Courtney Love as "experimental."

[] Scientists have uncovered compelling evidence that a category three hurricane struck Plymouth Rock in 1635. (USA Today 11/21) And that FEMA arrived in 1637.

_______________________________________


Bereft on the Left will be back in a moment, but first, this important message...

You're in for a fun read if you haven't sampled Bob's FREE online book entitled "HOPE WRITER: My Life Inside Bob Hope's Comedy Factory." It's chock full of backstage stories and celebrity anecdotes from the author's seventeen years "on the road" with Hope and it's audio-illustrated by Odeo.com. Now you can hear the classic songs, sketches and comedy routines that made Hope TV specials so unique. That golden era may be gone, but the memories linger on at:

www.hope-writer.blogspot.com

_______________________________________


[] The US is the only country that does not make its currency easily recognizable by the blind. (USA Today 11/30) Maybe we sould adopt the currency of the countries we liberate. You think?

[] Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick was fined $20,000 for flipping off fans of the opposing team. (USA Today 11/30) On a more positive note, he's been named "Man of the Year" by the Association of New York Cabbies.

[] Jose Canseco is now eligible to be voted into major league baseball's Hall of Fame. (USA Today 11/30) Which is a little like okaying Michael Richards to head the N.A.A.C.P.

[] Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf couldn't get their asking price and had to sell their San Francisco mansion at a $3 million loss. (USA Today 11/30) It just wasn't their week. The ReMax balloon on their front lawn deflated, struck nearby power lines and injured three lookie-loos.

[] TSA begins testing passenger x-ray machines at several airports. (USA Today 12/1) While technicians try to defeat their only nemisis----Kryptonite.

[] According to a report in People Magazine, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan have teamed up socially. (USA Today 11/30) Friends say they plan to boy toy ride share.

[] "Nativity Story" with Keisha Castle-Hughes as Mary debuts. (USA Today 12/1) It will be followed by a TV reality-style spinoff entitled "Dancing With the Magi."

_______________________________________

Click here to add theme music to your reading experience...

THE LAUGH MAKERS: A Leonard Maltin "Top 20" Year End Pick!

DOLORES HOPE MEDLEY

DOLORES HOPE "Silver Bells" (with Bob)

BOB HOPE'S 1983 U.S. COLLEGE CAMPUS TOUR: Your Alma Mater Here?

"Having spent twenty years writing for the indefatigable Bob Hope, and traveling all over the world, Bob Mills is well qualified to salute the famous corps of gag men who kept the comedian knee-deep in jokes. These first-hand recollections summon up the final phase of Hope’s career—and the end of the trail for an entire brand of show business."

http://www.leonardmaltin.com/2009YearEndBookSurvey.htm

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WakiLeaks: History Declassified 2000 (Vol. One) is now available on Kindle for $2.99

Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.

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