ECO-FRIENDLY… Karen Hughes, Bush’s longtime press hack and “public diplomat” charged with improving the US image abroad, quit leaving 26 of 33 countries surveyed with a less favorable view of America than when she began. In all fairness though, she was instrumental in helping Third World nations develop cleaner-burning Bush and Cheney effigies.
ROBED CRUSADER… The Supreme Court halted the execution of Mississippi condemned killer Wesley Berry while they determine if lethal injection is cruel and unusual punishment. Scalia rushed into the parking lot, grabbed a baseball bat from his trunk and offered to do the job himself.
WARM SEAT… The Monroe State Prison near Seattle has gone green with a $35.5 renovation project that will cut energy consumption by 30%. One small problem, though. The solar powered electric chair takes an hour to work even when guards douse the victim with water.
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“Free societies are hopeful societies. And free societies will be allies against these hateful few who have no conscience, who kill at the whim of a hat.”
George W. Bush 9/17/04 Washington DC
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RE-MAXED… The chancellor of the Catholic Diocese of Albany told the faithful who are selling their homes that burying a statue in the backyard speeds up the process. Even better is planting a sign on the front lawn with the silhouette of a pedophile priest inside a circle with a line running through it.
LDS HOLE… Mitt Romney has referred to Barack Obama as “Barack Osama.” Mitt’s Talent at pronouncing names stops pretty much at Joseph Smith.
SPEECHLESS… TV and screen writers have voted to strike---late night talk shows are predicted to suffer first. A new feature on Letterman is the Top Ten Ad Lib List.
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FAULT!… Net diva Martina Hingis tearfully retires after denying that she used cocaine while competing at Wimbledon. The evidence, however, suggests otherwise. Why, Martina, were you able to deliver a letter-perfect impression of Whitney Houston at the post-tournament party?
UNDER GLASS… A high school football coach in Utah has been charged with animal cruelty for stomping on a pheasant that had been released on the field during halftime. He’ll be tried under the state’s new “Dick Cheney Law.”
SAFE AT HOME… At a ceremony on the White House lawn, Bush welcomed the Robbins, Georgia Little League World Series champs. Who thanked him for enforcing the embargo against Cuba.
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“The enemy understands a free Iraq will be a major defeat in their ideology of hatred. That’s why they’re fighting so vociferously.”
George W. Bush 9/30/04 Coral Gables, FL
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A Longtime Bob Hope Joke Writer Presents Daily Insightful Topical Satire Of Current Events (Illustrated) Plus Rare Photos From Hollywood's Bygone Era And Excerpts From THE LAUGH MAKERS By Robert L. Mills -- Color Photos From the Book and Rare Classic Vintage Video Clips! Send Your Show Biz Questions to "ASK BOB" at: TheLaughMakers@GMail.com
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