ANNIE GET YOUR GUN… The State Department is reported to be considering alternatives to Blackwater to provide security in Iraq. One idea on the table is to send Ann Coulter over there and tell her the insurgents are in need of being perfected.
STALLED AGAIN… About as welcome in the GOP as Nancy Pelosi, Larry Craig has vowed to explore all legal appeals of his sex solicitation case while continuing to serve in the Senate. Rumors are that he’ll ask the court if he can change his guilty plea to “not guilty by reason of temporary homosexuality.”
COMPASSIONATE CONSERVATISM… Congress is considering a bill that would allow judges to release terminally ill convicts to die at home. With the exception, of course, of those who are scheduled to be “terminally executed.”
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“It is clear that our nation is reliant upon big foreign oil. More and more of our imports come from overseas.”
George W. Bush 9/18/03 Beaverton, ORE
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POCKET DONUT… At least eight states either have banned or are about to ban low slung pants favored by gang members. Despite fierce opposition from the International Brotherhood of Plumbers.
SPECIAL EFFECTS… To create more realism during fire drills, several universities are releasing theatrical smoke in the dorms. Some of the more affluent Ivy League schools reenact the chandelier scene from “Phantom of the Opera.”
FLUSHED WITH PRIDE… The Rutgers Woman’s Basketball Team was recently honored by the Women’s Sports Foundation in New York City. They were presented with a bronze toilet seat for their locker room with Don Imus’s portrait painted on it.
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JAYWALKING?… Jay Leno now says he doesn’t want to step aside for Conan O’Brian as promised. Apparently, Jay has cooled some on his lifelong dream of becoming a chin model.
TOME TODDLERS… “Mayor Peyton’s Book Club” admits Jacksonville, Florida preschoolers as young as four years old. This month’s selection: “Who Moved My Poo?”
CALL ME “MOM”… Prince William’s girlfriend Kate Middleton was photographed with Prince Charles, spurring rumors that an engagement announcement may be imminent. Even stronger evidence---she had lunch with Queen Liz and didn’t bring her food taster.
A Longtime Bob Hope Joke Writer Presents Daily Insightful Topical Satire Of Current Events (Illustrated) Plus Rare Photos From Hollywood's Bygone Era And Excerpts From THE LAUGH MAKERS By Robert L. Mills -- Color Photos From the Book and Rare Classic Vintage Video Clips! Send Your Show Biz Questions to "ASK BOB" at: TheLaughMakers@GMail.com
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