FEATHERS… Bush dropped in at Maryland’s Patuxent Research Refuge to promote “stopover habitats” for 800 bird species and declared that the owl perched on his gloved finger was “… a cute little fellow.” Then Cheney shot it.
MOBY DICK… GOP presidential candidate Sam Brownback yanked his hat out of the ring after a poll found that 83% of the Republicans questioned identified “Brownback” as a species of whale.
STUNG… Harry Potter author J. K. Rowling shocked her fans by announcing that Hogwarts Headmaster Albus Dumbledore is gay. And if that weren‘t shocking enough, he’s living with the school’s Faculty Men’s Room attendant, Larrididdle Craigadoodle.
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“Those who enter the country illegally violate the law.”
George W. Bush 11/20/05
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SENIOR SCIENCE PROJECT… A Van Nuys, CA female home school teacher has been charged with oral copulation of one of her 14-year old male students. A team of top plastic surgeons has been flown in to attempt an emergency reversal of the lad’s permanent smile.
COLOR TV, PHONES… The world’s largest hotel is Malaysia’s First World which includes an indoor theme park, a shopping mall, 6118 rooms serviced by 32 desk clerks---and three ice machines, none where you can find them.
TASTE TEST… In Pennsylvania, police were called after two soft drink delivery men got into a fistfight in the parking lot of a mini mart. Seems the Coca-Cola delivery man attempted to teach the Pepsi delivery man how to sing in perfect harmony and …
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WHAT, ME WORRY?… The National Hockey League is testing a new thermal ice skate blade that’s kept warm by a battery. It also has a tiny compartment that stores dislodged teeth at body temperature until the player can seek medical attention.
X’s & O’s… The offensive line coach for the Baylor University football team was fired after being arrested for urinating on the bar at Scruffy Murphy’s in Waco. Before bystanders could intervene, he somehow managed to diagram several secret plays.
HOLY MOLY… Attempting to regain voters turned off by his stand on abortion, Giuliani told the Conservative Family Research Council that “I am an imperfect man who asks for guidance through prayer.” In response, Jesus often calls him on his cell phone during speeches.
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“I hope we get to the bottom of the answer.”
George W. Bush 4/26/00 Associated Press
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A Longtime Bob Hope Joke Writer Presents Daily Insightful Topical Satire Of Current Events (Illustrated) Plus Rare Photos From Hollywood's Bygone Era And Excerpts From THE LAUGH MAKERS By Robert L. Mills -- Color Photos From the Book and Rare Classic Vintage Video Clips! Send Your Show Biz Questions to "ASK BOB" at: TheLaughMakers@GMail.com
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