SPOKED... After a lengthy drug investigation, Floyd Landis has been stripped of his Tour de France trophy and suspended from the sport for two years. A charge of staging illegal bicycle fights was dropped.
AH SO... The Treasury Department has debuted the new purple and grey $5 dollar bill. Designed to thwart counterfeiters, be more recognizable and easily converted to the Chinese Yuan.
EYE LIFT.... "60 Minutes" begins its fifth decade on CBS Sunday night with Mike Wallace, 89, Andy Rooney, 87, and Morley Safer 75. Some changes to look for:
[] A new set with wheelchair access.
[] Stopwatch with numbers viewable without bifocals.
[] Orthopedic eyebrows on Andy Rooney
R & R FOREVER... Senate Democrats failed to pass a measure that would have spread out military deployments in Iraq to "give the troops more rest." Not the eternal variety so popular at the White House.
BALL WASHERS... The Parents Television Council reports that references to sex occur on TV every 4.8 minutes. And that's just on the Golf Channel.
SPEAKING IN TONGUES... Greenspan says in his new book that Nixon's foul mouth scared him and that "he made the Sopranos sound like choir boys." That's nothing. Insiders say after a couple of bourbons, Pat made Coretta Scott King sound like Moms Mabley.
_______________________________________
"We'll be a great country where the fabrics are made up of groups and loving centers."
George W. Bush 3/27/01 Kalamazoo, MICH
_______________________________________
MR. WHIPPLE... Infectious disease scientists report that studies show only a third of men wash their hands after using the mensroom. Not surprisingly, it's usually those with a "wide stance."
Rx... The US ranks 37th worldwide in quality of healthcare, followed by Cuba at 38th. You need any more proof that Communism doesn't work?
STICKER SHOCK... The Army has requested 10,000 new armored vehicles at $1.5 million a copy. And that's without OnStar and Satellite Radio.
DOUCHE BAG DEPT... A federal prosecutor in Florida has been charged with arranging online to have sex with a five-year-old. And you thought Michael Vick was the lowest of the low.
_______________________________________
[] Do you like to read? Your unique talent for reading aloud is needed to help blind and dyslexic students reach the academic heights! Become a member of our team of microphone magicians at Recording For the Blind & Dyslexic. Call to find out if there's a studio near you!
www.rfbd.org
(866) 732-3585
_______________________________________
TAILGATING... A new Department of Transportation study shows that that 110 million commuters must spend an average of one week per year on the road. Worse, they're not even given a chance to choose their week.
BUB-EYE... Southwest Airlines will retain its open seating policy, but will now assign each passenger a number for boarding. Even better, they'll be allowed to pick the city their luggage will be misdirected to.
MS GOODWRENCH... Saudi Arabian women have petitioned King Abdullah for the right to drive. "Objects In Mirror May Appear More Veiled Than They Actually Are."
_______________________________________
[] You can register your comments or make suggestions on improving the blog by clicking the button below.
A Longtime Bob Hope Joke Writer Presents Daily Insightful Topical Satire Of Current Events (Illustrated) Plus Rare Photos From Hollywood's Bygone Era And Excerpts From THE LAUGH MAKERS By Robert L. Mills -- Color Photos From the Book and Rare Classic Vintage Video Clips! Send Your Show Biz Questions to "ASK BOB" at: TheLaughMakers@GMail.com
No comments:
Post a Comment
You can post your comment concerning anything you read in this post and your message will be shown here unless it contains profanity, hate speech or pornography as defined by the U.S. Supreme Court.