TUESDAY, December 4, 2012

PRINCESS PREGGERS -- Carrying an heir to England's royal throne, the Duchess of Cambridge has been diagnosed with child at a London hospital.  According to a Buckingham Palace spokesman, the royal household is ecstatic.  The Beefeaters have already begun rehearsing the switch from "The Changing of the Guard" to "The Changing of the Pampers." 

CONDIMENTARY -- Soccer legend David Beckham has hung up his protective strap for the final time, retiring at the conclusion of a win by the Los Angeles Galaxy 3-1 over the Houston Dynamo.  David told reporters he plans to spend more time with his model-wife Victoria and pursue his full-time hobby -- as a spice-taster.

WOOD CHOPPER'S BALL -- Following a ten-year study published in the current National Geographic, Sequoia National Park's "The President" has been crowned "The Largest Tree in the World."  Researchers measured every branch and twig and counted two billion leaves on the 3240-year old 54,000-cubic foot behemoth which has more layers than any other living thing -- unless, of course, you count Cher.  

STEADY STREAM -- President Barack Obama is expected to soon launch the planned Keystone XL oil pipeline between Canada and the U.S.  Interesting project.  The pipeline was designed after the show business pipeline which successfully delivered so much Canadian talent to the U.S. in the 1970s and 1980s including Mike Meyers, Peter Jennings, Martin Short, Allan Thicke, John Candy and Letterman sidekick Paul Shaffer.
 

FANGSGIVING -- Nervous residents of the Serbian town of Zarozje are carrying raw garlic cloves and wooden crosses after reports that Sava Savanovic, the legendary ware wolf,  was spotted in a nearby forest.   The wooden cross is to plunge through his heart and, failing that, the garlic is to discourage his disgusting habit of leaving a hickey after sucking their blood.

Contents Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved 

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