BARE MINIMUM -- Irate
after being caught smoking in a non-smoking section of the Denver Airport, a
woman waiting to board a flight took off her clothes, piled them at her
feet, and presented herself buck naked to startled security personnel for pre-flight
screening. But before she was led off to
the loony bin, since she was already prepped, the x-ray operator gave her a
free mammogram.
TAIL GUNNER JOE -- Air Force Two, the Boeing 757 carrying Vice President Joe Biden to an appearance in Santa Barbara, California, flew into a flock of starlings and had to make an emergency landing. Immediately, he was reported to have told his secret Service agents, “Relax, boys, we’re not landing in Colombia.”
MISS PIGGY'S DELIGHT -- In the ever-escalating war of the
fast-food emporiums to lure the marginally obese away from the competition,
Burger King has announced a new menu item – a sundae made with caramel,
chocolate, soft serve ice cream and bacon strips. Not to worry, though, if you’re concerned about
packing on the calories. They also offer the “Girth-Conscious Special” -- the same
sundae made with turkey bacon strips.
VICTORIAN GILT -- Rarely seen documents chronicling the life and
reign of Queen Victoria have been put on public view on a new website marking
Queen Elizabeth’s Diamond Jubilee.
Included in the archives are letters, paintings and several rare
photographs -- one showing the Queen having her portrait painted for a stamp and
another showing her swimming laps in the moat.
FLEET STREET CRIME -- Officers at Scotland Yard are appealing to the public
for witnesses to a mugging that took place in Hammersmith, west London. The victim, George Fergusson, who sustained
facial injuries and had his wallet snatched, is a British diplomat scheduled to be
sent to Bermuda. Attending physicians
said the lacerations on the victim’s upper lip would have been much worse had
it not been so naturally stiff to begin with.
(Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills All Rights Reserved)