HEARTFELT -- A new study on heart health shows that an
upbeat, cheerful and optimistic attitude goes a long way to reduce the risk of
sudden heart attacks and strokes by lowering blood pressure and reducing the accumulation
of harmful plaque in the arteries. No
surprise to Dick Cheney’s crack team of cardiologists who prescribed weekly
flights to Guantanamo to watch a terrorist being water-boarded.
TAXI! -- As Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was
being driven in a convertible through the southern coastal city of
Bandar-Abbas, a woman leaped from the crowd, jumped past his bodyguards to the
roof of the car and screamed at him through
the sunroof. Turns out she wasn’t
protesting his human rights violations or his torture of dissidents, but she
designed his jacket and now wants him to remove her label.
GOT MILK? -- Executives
at Kraft Foods, makers of the popular Chocolate Oreo Cookie, are denying
allegations that they produced a TV commercial now airing in South Korea
showing a breast-feeding baby holding up an Oreo with the tag line “Milk’s
Favorite Cookie.” Actually a perfect tie-in
since the inspiration for the Oreo was the human bosom – two delicious halves
with a creamy vanilla center.
NUN STUNNER -- Pope Benedict XVI accused U.S. Catholic nuns of “challenging
fundamental beliefs of the Church” by promoting radical feminist themes on
women’s right to be ordained as priests and same sex marriage which disagrees
with positions of US bishops. Whatever
the breakdown in the chain-of-command, one thing is abundantly clear – Pope Ben
has never been slapped across the knuckles by Sister Mary Hematoma.
CARTER'S LIVER PILL -- Rick Ross, the Disney film boss responsible
for producing the studio’s biggest floperoo “John Carter,” a celluloid embarrassment set to lose the Mouse Factory at
least $200 million, was unceremoniously sacked this week. In true Rodent Works fashion, the entire cast
of “Fantasia” sang him the Mickey Mouse Club theme: “R-I-C… See you around Rick… WHERE YOU’LL SOON
BE… THE UN-EM-PLOY-MENT-LINE. ”
(Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills All Rights Reserved)